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Avatar universal

Agonizing over whether I should do the meth program, advice please

I have been addicted to oxys for a couple years now. I snort about 100 mgs a day and really, really want off these things. I have been looking into the meth program and went two days ago to register for it. There is about a month long waiting list so in the meantime I'm trying to get peoples experiences with it. There are a lot that say its the best thing they ever did and there are a lot that say its even harder to come off of then the oxys. Very mixed reviews to say the least. I have a condition called spinal stenosis and two young children that keep me very busy. I tried cold turkey last May and lasted about 2 months but my back pain was overwhelming and I crumbled and went back on the oxys. I hate the grip these things have on me. I wake up and the first thing I do is snort a 20 and 5 minutes later another half of a 20. By the end of the day I snort about 5 20's.

I hate myself for letting myself get this way. I have been blessed with two beautiful kids and they deserve a mother free of this pill addiction. I'm also worried about what these things are doing to my insides. I'm not eating right, I barely eat all day and then eat at night. I am almost always constipated and a couple times recently have had quite a bit of blood when I was finally able to go. I'm scared that I have done some major damage to my insides but too scared to tell the doctor about it. Anyone else have this happen while using? Anyways if you can give me some insight as to your experiences with the meth program I'd really appreciate it. The reason why I'm considering meth is because at least I will continue to get some pain relief (I've read that meth is helpful as an analgesic) and avoid the horrible withdrawals of going CT. Please help me. I am determined to get off these things but I know from past experience that going CT isnt a good idea for me because I really do have a lot of pain and need SOMETHING for pain. At least if I do the meth I will get some pain relief and it will be regulated and I wont be snorting pills, running around wasting money and panicking when I run out and I might finally start taking care of myself properly and eating properly. I barely eat all day and eat unhealthy foods at night.

I feel like I'm slowly killing myself and I probably am. The worst part is I should know better. I lost my mom a few years ago. She was only 47 years old and her liver gave out after years of abusing booze and morphine. I dont drink but I take enough pills to make up for it. I NEVER want my precious angels to endure what i did with losing my mom so early in life. They dont deserve that pain, no one does. Thanks in advance for your help and guidance. This forum was invaluable to me when I went CT. It was the reason I made it 2 months. If not for the horrible pain of spinal stenosis I may have never went back on the pills but I did.
30 Responses
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1134665 tn?1343910650
Honey, don't trade one addiction for another!! If you start doing meth, what happens if you get caught? You lose your children and they will have to endure losing their mother for a long time!! You can get through this addiction, I did! It just takes self-discipline and courage!!

I'm at work and have to go to a meeting. I'll be back in a couple hours ..

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What do you mean ''get caught''? I am not going to be getting meth illegally, I am getting it through a government program. I am not the first mother to develop an addiction to these pills that were PRESCRIBED to me and my kids are very well taken care of so I don't need to worry about getting them taken away. I am not the type of addict that is stoned out of my mind. If you were to talk to me in person you would never even think I did oxys...I dont know why I'm justifying myself here. I think your way off the mark.  
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
How much of this does your doctor know about?  Are you getting any pills from him/her?  Sounds like there is more going on with you than just the pain.......
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1134665 tn?1343910650
Well I didn't know you were getting meth legally.

When you mentioned the meth program, I thought you meant a detox center. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding! If you were to meet me in person, you would never think I took pain meds, either. I am a mother, too.  

Sorry for the misunderstanding.
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Avatar universal
Umm  I think she means methedone. heheh   Yes you could easily die just as early or sonner than your mom. (I'm very sorry you had to go thru that) I'm not familiar with your
spine problem. I know my doctor gave me a dianosis I can't even spell. But the fact is when I stopped taking opiates my brain became rewired in TIME . It had been telling me my pain was much greater than it actually is. I take aleve and sometimes advil. those two suggestions , ticked me off  but they do work just as well as the vics oxy or whatever I took. I know you were sober 2 months before but that wasnt long enough for your brain and body to readjust to dealing with the pain natrually. You might think well I can't take care of my kids without opiates. Which is another nasty little lie we addicts tell ourselves. The real YOU is not present today. Give yourself a chance to be opiate free. Meth wds are harder than oxy wds.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think Orion just misread and thought you were going to get Meth some other way.

I didnt think i was stoned to the bone either but guess what?  I was.  Anytime we put opiates in our body we are under the influence.  Noone here is trying to be judgemental as we have been in your shoes.
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Avatar universal
OK.  First of all nobody wants to insult you or hurt you.  They will save your life here if you let them. If you think snorting oxy 20 mgs then 20 more doesn't make it obvious to even a 3 year old that something aint right with mama you couldnt be more wrong!!  My little guy, who has Down Syndrome and doesnt talk very clearly, said one day(when I was in the middle of biting down on my second dose of the day) "MOM STOP TAKING POISON"!!   They Know !!    Snorting oxy is not legal!!  And YES  you could have your children taken away for abusing drugs in this way.   Sorry for the harsh reality but I LOVE YOU  Please give yourself a chance and listen and share.  We care very much
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Avatar universal
You know, your comments bothered me so much that I actually called the meth clinic and asked them about the taking the kids away thing, She told me that is absolutely untrue and that the majority of the patients are pain patients and many of them with children. She also said the only time they would think of calling CAS is if a person is really out of it and its obvious they could not care for their children. As I said in my above post, despite the fact I take oxys (again, prescribed for pain) I am completely coherent and my kids are very well taken care of. Before answering questions you should have your facts straight. The fact that your inaccurate remarks could potentially scare someone reading this post away from getting help is very irresponsible on your part. I know there is a great debate about methadone but I believe that CT is not for everyone. For people with legitimate, diagnosed painful conditions its a double edged sword. On one hand you dont want to be controlled by these evil little pills but you still need pain relief. For ME personally I think the meth program is the way to go. I will be free of pills but still get some pain relief from the methadone. I won't have to worry about running out of pills, snorting pills and the shame that comes with that and I won't have to waste money paying for them when I run out of my script. People need to make the best choices for themselves. For myself I think the meth program could really help me get my life back on track and still get pain relief. The end result is still the same - I will be free of the grip these pills have on me. Yes, methadone is even harder to come off of but I expect I will be on it long term as spinal stenosis the condition I have is a degenerative condition. There is no cure and I will always need pain relief so its the right choice I think for ME.
Helpful - 0
1134665 tn?1343910650
You said meth, I thought you meant methamphetamines!!!!
Again, I am sorry for the misunderstanding.
I suffer with fibromyalgia, so I know all about the double edged sword.
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Avatar universal
Orion, I posted the above before I saw the next post you did. I'm sorry as well. Jeez a little tense these days around here isn't it? lol

Anyways I have to make the right choice for me. And although I understand that my brain will be amplifying my pain to make me take more, please read up on spinal stenosis..there is no denying it. Its a painful condition and normally people dont end up with it until they are much older (in their 60's) but here I am in my early 30's with it. I DO need pain relief. Anyone with stenosis does even if they've never touched a pain med in their life once you have this you wake up every day stiff as a board and in so much pain you can't believe it.

Sorry about the misunderstanding, I am just trying to make the right choice for myself. And whoever wrote the whole ''mommy please stop taking poison'' ..um, spare me the dramatics. I KNOW i need to stop, i really don't need that. If I didn't already know I had to stop i wouldnt be here and I wouldnt be actively seeking help.
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Avatar universal
I get the oxys prescribed by my doctor. 3 20mgs a day..but I do about 5 so I also buy them. Not sure what you mean by ''theres more going on'' or whatever. i thought I was pretty clear in saying that I have a problem and i need help. can you tell me what you meant by that remark?
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Avatar universal
Taken away if you are not getting help and SNORTING oxy.   Not for getting help. even IF YOU HAVE A PERSCRIPTION SNORTING OXY IS NOT LEGAL
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Avatar universal
HI and welcome back to the forum....as for going on methadone its a tuff choice to make
I spent 6 1/2 yrs on the stuff...started out at pain management ..had a falling out with my dr and wound up at a methadone clinic..I used it for pain management for years
it did work for that but eventually my tolerance went up as did my dose from 40mg to 150 mg and then it quit working all together so I finely said enough is enough and checked into getting off it...thats where the problems starts...methadone is one of the strongest and hardest narcotics to break free from..if up to the clinic I would still be on it they only let you go down by 2mg every 2 weeks where I was going it called a medically supervised withdrawal ...and it su##s if you dont do it there way you loose all your take home privileges and I only had to go once every 2 weeks to get it
when you first start out its every day so its not very convenient ...anyway I wasent
about to take a year and a half to get off it so I started to taper myself off at home thinking I could do it in a few mo....well that turned into a grinding 8 1/2mo taper that was difficult to say the least...the withdrawals lasted 6weeks of tapering as well as about 2 weeks after stoping and im 79 days clean and still feel its grip sometimes
if I where you I would run the other way b/4 I would put my body thew the torture of methadone...it has alot of side effects to..wile your on it you will be noding off
at the most inappropriate times...my wife actually thought I had a sleeping disorder .your sex life will come to a grinding halt...and you will live under a sorta fog that you don't realize until your not on it any more and the list goes on and on with side effects..also there is no high or good feeling that the pills give you..all it does is numb you out to life in general...certainly no way to go thew life...I wish I could get back the years I wasted on the stuff...you wind up missing out on a lot...If I where in your place..I would work out a taper and taper off the oxy..it wont be eazy but it will save you from the grips and pitfalls of methadone...I got a hold of a taper from a neo/natal nurse that brings babys off heroin,methadone,oxy,ext and used it and found it doable for the most part it goes like this...10% drop in dose every 72hr..sometime you have to go a week or so to get use to the lower dose but for the most part it worked well...you should try that b/4 going on methadone...you may need some help with tapering...someone to give you the pills only as the taper calls for them..I did it myself but it takes a lot of discipline ....try it by yourself first if it dosent work get someone involved ...and as for winding up back to square one...AFTERCARE is
critical to staying clean once one finds them self's addicted...I see a drug conslor weekly and if the cravings get bad im off to an N/A meeting ...I hope this helps
you with your decision ..and I truly hope you get clean what ever you decide on..good luck and god bless....Gnarly            
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have to do what is right for you and if the Methadone route is for you than that is what you need to do.  

What scares me more is you seem to be in denial about your drug addiction.  It does affect you only you dont realize it.  Drugs give us a false sense of security.  I know this as i am a mother and a grandma.  When i look back at my past behavior i just about panic.  I drove my grandson around under the influence and that is illegal.  Thanik the good lord nothing ever happened.  Check into some type of aftercare.  There is more going on as i said before than just the pain you have.  All the best       sara
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Avatar universal
OK, is there ANYONE who is on the meth program who can share their experiences with me..that was the original question, lol. And Dominosara sorry I misread your post. I realized when I re-read it that you were talking about your son saying that to you. Sorry. Out of the mouths of babes huh?

Mine are only 2 and 1 and I want to stop now before they get any inkling of whats going on. They are my world and I want to be around for a long time for them.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
There is always another reason why we numb ourselves up.  My drug addiction spiraled after my dad passed away.  I never dealt with his death until i cleaned up.  I know you said your mom passed away at a young age.  I am sorry about that.  It is very hard to lose a parent.

Write down all your questions when you go to the clinic.  Educate yourself and read all you can on Methadone.  That way you will go into this with more understanding.....
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
I think orion misunderstood your post and thinking you were wanting to use meth, not methadone. She is always a very caring person so she just took it the wrong way.
I also have spinal stenosis along with scar tissue hitting my sciatic nerve from surgery.  also have arthritis in my back. So I know how painful back problems can be.
Many doctors are now prescribing methadone for pain nowadays. You may not even have to do to a meth clinic in order to get these. I have heard methadone clinics are very expensive and can cost around $400 a month and insurance will not cover. I would talk to your doctor and tell him the meds you are currently taking are no longer working. It would be so much cheaper going through your doctor than having to go to a meth clinic. Also with a meth clinic I believe you have to go there everyday to get your daily dose. If you have a doctor prescribe them you can get a months supply at once. You will not be free of pills though. Methadone is a synthetic opiate and it can also be abused. It is very strong so you probably wouldn't have to take as much to control your pain compared to oxy's. Also be sure you get on methadone that you do not take any benzos such as xanax or ativan. It can be a fatal combination. I'm not sure if you are on any of these but just thought I would throw it out there.
There is also a pain management forum here on med help that may better serve you. At the top of the page click on "forums". It will bring up a list of all the forums available to us. Since you posted on a substance abuse forum you will probably get a lot of people telling you to get off the pain meds completely. Being a chronic pain sufferer myself, I know that is not always possible. I did find out that if we sop taking the meds we may not experience all the pain we thought we were having. I am now on day 6 with no pain pills and feeling pretty good overall.
So, head over to the pain management forum and post your concerns there. You will get some great advice as you will meet people that need pain meds to be able to function in life. They may be able to help you with the methadone on whether or not you have to go to a clinic or just have your doctor prescribe them. With this forum here you will get many saying that they will help you get through the withdrawals. But everyone on here cares so much and will bend over backwards to help you in any way possible. We are one big happy family!!
I hope you find a way to control your pain. I know how difficult it is to find quality of life due to living with pain. Just do plenty of research and ask many questions here on med help so you are very educated in your decision.
Best of luck to you and if you need anything, please let me know!

Brian
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
When I was on Oxy I was mad at the world and no one could tell me anything.  Now that I have been off them for almost a year, I now see that I was only fooling myself.

I know a guy that quit Oxy about the time I did.  He went to methadone and I did'nt.  I now feel so much better and am getting on with life.  He is still falling a sleep in the middle of conversations.  He will also have to go thru withdrawals and detox at some point when he decides to get off the Methadone.  Thats my only experience with Methadone.

You can quit the Opiates with the proper preparation and desire.  I highly recommend it. While using there is no way you could have convinced me that I could ever do without them.   I also recomend that even if you are to continue on opiates, that at some point you try to stop and get them out of your system so that you can re-evaluate your pain.  My pain which was usually 9-10 while using, is now probably only 2-3 most days.  The pills convince your body it hurts more that it really dose, sometimes.  I hope you make the decision that is best for you and that you are able to beat the addiction that has made us all suffer.  guv

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1047946 tn?1332608029
Just wondering if any doctors have recommended surgery for your spinal stenosis? I am 33 and have already had one back surgery for a herniated disc. I saw I neurologist a few weeks ago and he said I am too young for another surgery as of now. I do know someone that had surgery for spinal stenosis and is now doing wonderful. I'm sure you know what spinal stenosis is, it is narrowing of the spinal canal which in turn puts pressure on the nerves. When performing surgery they go in there with what looks like a small burr grinder. They hollow out the canal to keep it from pressing on the nerves. I have heard that they have great success with this surgery nowadays. I'm thinking it is gonna have to be my next step!
If you do end up trying methadone just be very careful. It has a very long half life so if you took say 20mg today, tomorrow you would still have around 10 mg or so in your system so you may not need the prescribed dose the next day. You may be able to get by taking it every other day.
So, are you wanting to get on methadone to control your pain or are you wanting on it to useit as a tool for detox? One thing I would do for sure asap is start by taking your oxy's by swallowing them whole. Snorting makes them even harder to come off of because snorting is a addiction in its own. You really need to try and get away from it. It ultimately comes down to your decision but I know for a fact that it will make things easier in the long run. You may just be surprised on how much the oxy's actually control your pain over a extended period of time. It is also a habit that is tough to break.
Brian
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
Methadone is the worst drug to come off of its like jumping from the frying pan into a great big fire .As for the kids if you were ever to get pulled over while under the influence of oxys yes cps sure would get involved does that mean they would take your kids not necessarily but they would step in and make sure you were getting the help you needed if you did not get off the drugs then that might be a different situation.
If you want to get clean first thing you need to do is stop snorting the pills 100mgs is not an overly high amount of oxy it is so doable to come off of can you taper down . CT would be about a week that would really be bad but then you would have you life back .If you go on methadone when you decided to get off of it unless you plan on doing staying on it for the rest of your life the wd you will go threw will make oxy wd look like a picnic. I would put methadone into search this community and read alot of threads ..Research research research.......

Many of us have chronic pain there many many of us suffering from chronic pain and yes at fist it is worse but most of us have found out after awhile that we had less pain of the meds then we did on them but it does not happen over night you body will want its fix so a first the pain will seen worse .It will get better .....
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
I agree with guv338 on tapering off the pills so you are pill free for a week or two so you can reevaluate your pain. That is one thing my doctor had me do every 6 months or so. I also have spinal stenosis which they say is severe. But I do know that it is not a constant pain. That is the only good thing about it. Sometimes it hurts like he!! and sometimes it is just uncomfortable and nothing that advil or tylenol cannot handle But your case may be different as we all have different pain threshholds. So just because my pain comes and goes does not mean yours does not. I would recommend trying to lay off the pills just to see how much pain you are really feeling. You may be surprised. I can't really comment on the methadone clinic as I have never been to one. I do know I have seen people saying the reason they decided to taper off was because of the price of it. It can be quire expensive. It is also very inconvenient because you have to go to the clinic every day in order to get your dose. You will also be given a urinalyses to make sure you don't have anything else in your system. So if you decide to go to the clinic, methadone will be the only medication you will be able to be on without getting kicked out of the program. Do you really want to drive to the clinic every morning? If you are not getting the proper pain relief from the medications you are currently on I think you should go and talk to your doctor about this. You are currently prescribed 20mg oxycontins and they go up to 80mg pills. The problem with opiates is we tend to build up a tolerance and continuously need more and more to get the pain relief we desire. So even one day down the road, the 80mg will no longer control your pain. The same goes for vicodin, morphine, fentynal, methadone, ect. Also, since health insurance does not cover a methadone clinic, you may be better off talking to your doctor and having him prescribed it if methadone is the route you want to take. There are so many different kinds of medications that you could try before methadone. Are you getting any nerve pain from your spinal stenosis? If so, you could try neurontin or lyrica. Cymbalta is another one that can help with pain. It is actually a antidepressant but has other off label uses. There are many nonnarcotic meds out there worth trying. Methadone is just so strong and once it gets a hold of you, you will not be the same person for a very long time. As Gnarly said, it took him 8 1/2 months to taper off of it and he still  felt the withdrawals.
I just say all this so you can be a little better informed. Everything I said here is just from reading other posts in the past as I have never been part of the clinic. Maybe it would be worth a shot to taper off the oxy's and see where you stand? I know I don't know you personally, but I do caer about you. I only want what is best for everyone on here because we are one big happy family that wold bend over backwards for one another. We are such a tight knit group and we care about each and every person on here. So please do as much research as possible. If you decide to go on methadone I don't want you to have any regrets. I do know how difficult it can be to live with chronic pain and at times we can get so desperate in trying to find a way to dull our pain. On the upper right hand side of the screen you will see where it says "recent activity". Right about that you will see a search box that says "search this community". Type in methadone" and it will bring up old posts about it. You could also type in "methadone for pain" and see what comes up. I would also go to the pain management forum and post a question asking if anyone else is on methadone for pain.  I'm sure you will run across a few that are on it for pain. with this being a substance abuse forum most people that are on methadone are on it trying to get off of their drug of choice. You could also search methadone in the box on the pain management forum to search older threads about it. Once you learn how to navigate this site you will realize the information on here is priceless. You will almost always find what you are looking for.
I know I couldn't be of much help but hopefully it helped you a little. If you need anything, please let me know!!!!!
Best of luck!

Brian
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
From what I understand she is wanting off the oxy's but is also wanting something to control her pain. It seems like she knows she is abusing the oxys and is hoping that she can use methadone to control her pain while not having to take the oxy's or go through withdrawals. The way I took it is she wants to be able to find a pain medication that she can take without abusing.
Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Helpful - 0
983679 tn?1276833336
Now, to answer your question, methadone is only going to make your prob worse. If you can not handle getting off the oxy there is NO way in He!! you are going to be able to handle the meth w/ds. Honey meth w/ds are BY FAR worse than your 100mg a day oxy habit, they last a VERY much longer time---i am talking months. We just had a member taper down from like 120mg of meth all the way to 40 over like a years time, when you jumped from that 40mg she ended up in ICU for 3 weeks, I am not trying to scare you and i am sure hers had alot to do with underlying medical conditions but i am just trying to point out some facts to you. You say its a month waiting list? you can c/t the oxy and within 2 weeks you will feel 100% better, so why not do that? have you tried other methods? like cold turkey? taper? rapid detox? clonodine? i mean you have other options besides a much stronger drug! The thing is at some point you are going to have to quit the methadone aswell, thats going to be when you wish you had never meet that doctor at the clinic, they will tell you what you need to hear, they will make it sound like a "mirical" drug, honey we all know there is NO "mirical" drug. Just consider your options and i do not think it will be hard for a rational person as yourself to come to the rite decision. I mean here are the options IMO.
1) quit cold turkey, have about 3 days of he!! after day 3 you will start to improve graetly and after about 6 days you will be seeing tha light at the end of tunnel.

2) Start a taper, First thing you stop snorting them. Next, you play around a lil  and figure out what is the lowest poss dose you can take and still be comfortable enough to funtion, say you find out that you can take 60mg and still funtion without feeling to bad(remember there is NO pain free detox) after you find your lowiest workable dose take it for about 6 or 7 days, and from there on drop it by like 5 mg every 6 or 7 days and if you hit a rough spot just idle at that dose untill it becomes somewhat comfortable. Once you get down to 5 to 10mg i would suggest you take it in parts--i would take part in morning and part at night(lack of sleep is a major issue for many and was  the reason i relasped several times. After you get to the point of only havin a small peice left, take it for about 5 days and then start takin denadryll or something to help with sleep. I would also suggest takin a OTC pain med with your dose so you feel more relief

3) rapid detox--i dont know anything about this so if it interest you, yu can always google it.

4) Go to your doctor and tell him what you are doing and i am sure he//she will give you advise and meds to make you more comfortable, they will almost always give you a blood pressure med called clonodine and it helps alot, it helps keep you a lil calm plus helps with sleep.

whatever you decide you need to check out the 'Thomas recipe" and the" amino acid protacol" they call both be found on this page at top right hand side under "health pages".

Anyways I hope i was able to help you some. To just come straight out and answer your question, I think methadone is a horrible idea unless you have tried EVER other option several times and have meseribly failed each time. I have heard of people takin there own lifes because the w/ds were so long and intense that they could just no longer handle them. I am not knocking methadone because we have members here that i respect a great deal that have had success with methadone, but I think they will even come out and tell you that it was a nightmare to come off of.
   Good luck with what you decide, but please just try to go c/t first, i mean you have a month so play around with your other options and who knows you might find a taper or c/t works for you. I had a 150-200mg hydro a day habit of two years and i was able to go c/t, so it can be done and it is done every day. You will have plenty of suport here, just keep posting and keep us informed on your decesion. If you need any questions answered or just wanna talk send me a message. Good luck again, Lee
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Why do drs. invent this stuff/It seems pain meds of this type do more harm than good.Go to NA &AA ,these programs will be you with sober people and give you a chance to meet new friends.Find a good church,get on your knees and pray for GOD to deliver you from this evil.
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