What do I do?

[Jackson33]

Hello everyone. I am concerned about a loved one. 10 years ago I met Kelly. We were instant friends and have been ever since. He is one of the funniest people I know. Along with his sense of humor comes honor, loyalty, strength and kindness. He is charming and witty. He is handsome and quite a "winker", he has a way about him. A way that just wraps itself around you. About a year and a half ago Kelly said he needed to talk but that it had to wait a few days. I hadn't heard a word until 4 days later. Kelly called and made a date to talk at a coffee shop. It was there that he admitted to a $100 a day addiction to Vicodin and Somas. He explained that the reason for the anticipation those 4 day was so that he could be clean for our talk. Later admitting that, that was the longest he'd gone without pills in a year and a half. I vowed to stand beside him and I did. I pushed, I pulled and I lost the tug of war to his addiction. I have become fed up with his excuses and his lies. I look at him . . . the Kelly I knew and loved isn't there. He has faded so far away and I am affraid that he might never come back. He's always rambling, just mumbling words. Numerous situations have occured that he does not recall. He repeats story after story. Mid-sentance his eyes roll back into his head and he just dozes off. . . . I love him. I love him still. We have talked about his problem and I do NOT let those instances go un noticed. I make sure that I let him know that I am aware of his state of mind. I know Kelly and I know High Kelly and I make sure he knows that I know the difference.He has said to me before, that he has become his father. . . . I am worried for him. I don't know if I should just leave him and wait until he's ready to sober up his life. Or do I continue to push him. . . please help me

[Jackson33]

It has all just become harder. Harder to watch someone you love slowly slip away. It has become lies, excuses, denial and anger. I am exhausted. I don't understand how someone with such a good heart, a kind, loving person could sit back and watch the ones that love him struggle to save his life. How he doesn't comprehend the pain he is causing himself, his parents, his brother, his niece, his whole family and all of his friends. I cannot and I will not do this anymore. All I have left is prayer. I'm so sad. I feel like I am allowing this to ruin my life and take over every thought that I have. I am beyond sadness. I am angry. Angry because this has taken over his life. I fear that he will NEVER be the same. I have to accept that the person I once loved may be gone forever. . . I am angry at him for taking my friend away from me. I am done.

[Jackson33]

It's no nice to read all of your responses. It nice to see this through the eyes of people that have been in similar situations. I realize that I do need to let go and let God. This is nothing I can do on my own and I think that I have known that all along. I guess I was just frustrated. A lot of it to was that I felt betrayed by someone I loved, he took away my best friend and I didn't even have a say in it. . . I see the bigger picture and I know that he needs help. But no one can help anyone that is not willing to help themselves. I see how hard it must have been for all of you to get to where you are. Also to the people that have been on my end or still are  . . . Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone. I'm so glad I logged on to this site :o)
♥ Cathleen

[dominosarah]

I am glad you said what you were feeling to him.  The one thing an addict doesnt like to hear is the truth when we are using.  We only want to hear what we want to....no confrontations no nothing.  It tears us up inside and instead of listening to the truth we get mad and say things to hurt the other person.  It is not right at all and i am in no way excusing his behaviour, i am an addict and i know.  He will be back.  You have to let him fall on his face and then when he has had enough and is ready to fight for his life back you will be there for him.  You have done all you can do and bless your heart girl cuz we could all use a friend like you!!!!  Stay on the forum and talk with us........we have others who are not addicts themselves but have loved ones who are.        sara

[road2recovery]

WOW!!  you said everything you needed to say., and don't feel guilty..It is so hard to understand what an addict feels like( not making excuses) ..BUT because he refuses to even come to this site, shows that he may just not want to be clean...HE has to want it!!
You are a very strong girl...And i think u need to get help for yourself right now...Just my opinon.. He is not your husband or father of your kids...But love is love..I won't lie, there is one part of me that wants to tell you to run , and run fast, and a part that wants me to tell you to support and hug him...But like i said he has to want it, more then you want it for him
God bless and good luck...
r2r

[cathy5841]

do not feel guilty.  we all have to reach our own "rock bottom" and that usually occurs when we realize we have alienated everyone that loves us and we are alone.  as long as he had you he was "okay".  you did the best thing for him you culd have done....its his recovery and he has to work it.  if he chooses not to then its on him...keep us posted.

[Jackson33]

I wated to thank everyone for all of the advice and best wishes . You gave me the courage I needed and the information necessary to make a choice. Update: Yesterday (Jan. 27th) I called Kelly. I asked him to visit this website and read some of the forums. . . as soon as I told him the name he laughed. I asked what was funny and he replied with, "I can only imagine,  I'll still look at it though". . . . I lost it.. . . Responding with, "Don't do ME any favores". . . . I was honest. I told him that I refuse to sit back and watch him do this, I can't make him care about himself. I can't make these decisions for him. I'm done feeling sorry for him, but I've finally started feeling anger. I told him that he's selfish and I'm done. . . I feel like hepulled me in becuase he "needed me" and then couldn't handle me being there on his back so pushed me away. Leaving me in the dark after I was already concerened and worried for him and he cares about no one but himself. I brought up the past and the life he lived sober. The friend he was and the man he had hoped to become. He was honest and loyal. He was proud. I kept repeating how much I love him but I needed him to see how he has changed. . . I know this is a bit of a ramble . . . but I'm upset. It went on for 10 or 15 minutes and at the end of it all.  . . . he said, "Good then go! Thanks for nothing I'll take care of myself and you do the same" and he was gone. . . . I feel like maybe I was too hard on him. . . but I don't feel bad. I feel good. But I also feel like he needs me . . . I've never been so conflicted with myself . . . I hope this makes sense. . . I feel better for once. But I kind of don't because I feel worse for him. He told me once that I'm the only one that knows the extent of his addiction, the only one that gives him grief, and stands by him....and now I feel like he think I've given up on him. I don't regret the things I said and I don't feel guilty for being angry. I just hope he wakes up. . . I hope I don't lose him. I hope that my hope is enough for now. :o) thank you all so much -  Cathleen

[newgirl286]

I'm going through this myself with a friend.  I keep telling her about my detox hoping she'll express some interest and join me but she just laughs it off.  I've been wanting to talk to her about this for years now and still I feel its getting worse.  Good for you for giving him tough love, I've been unable to do that for her.  But now that I'm clean I'm feeling I must come clean to her or else we both may regret it...  Good luck to you I admire your strength...

[10356]

Hi.. I'm sorry you have too experience the deterioration of someone you love... I can give you a little insight too what is causing the most disturbing behaviors.. his soma intake must be great.. as it works on your balance and cognitive skills.. not only that memory is severely affected.. although passed as a muscle relaxer taken in large quantity it can do much damage.. if he drives it could be a very dangerous situation as coordination critical thinking are way off.. nodding out in mid sentence.. mumbling.. probably hurts himself a lot from bumping into things.. affects the liver big time. when he seems awake it is the Vicodin..  Somas should be tapered even a quick one would be benificals as seizures have been known too happen during detox...
As for what you can do for him... Be honest with him.. go to him with knowledge... tell him you are afraid for his life... you miss him.. other then that only he can want it for himself in order to begin the process.. I wish you and your friend well.. lesa

[snowflake620]

Kelly is very lucky to have you but as sara has said only he can want to stop you cannot do that for him no matter how much you may want to, tough love is definately in order here I hope he wakes up soon for his sake and for yours
good luck sweetie
snowflake

[dominosarah]

The Kelly you know and love is still in there but the pills have taken over and he is under their spell now.  Only he can be the one to realize he has a problem and then do something about it.  You are a good friend to him and he will be most grateful when he sees the light.  Would he be willing to come on this forum and read our stories??  There is always hope even in the darkest moments.  I hope and pray he gets off these.  It is a matter of life and death.  Dont enable him in any way and show him some tough love as hard as that is.  Having people support us is very beneficial in our recovery......He is very lucky to have you.........I wish you the best.  Keep us posted            sara