Approaching an addict

[Eliza93]

My boyfriend has done coke for a long time, and in the year and a half that we've been together he's had his highs and lows.  I've totally been there.. I don't want to even see coke.  When he gets in his lows he says he's going to get clean and all these hopes and dreams flood my brain.. and then he feels good so getting help isn't as important anymore.  More recently he actually got help and was going to group counseling (he went 2 times), however because he owns his own company he can't take the time off or the company will fail. (and it would)  I'm on the verge of giving him an ultimatum (sp), he's got to get help or I'm out.  What I really want to know is, what's the most compelling way an addict has been approached that has worked to get them clean and going to counseling???  Please help.

[toxictome]

Welcome. Glad you found this forum You're in a tough situation..and as others have said...he won't quit until HE is ready.

You need to tak ecare of you...and sometimes that means letting go..
I wish you luck..hang around and keep talking to us!

[addictedme]

Support groups are probably your best option,,theres nothing like advice from people who have been there,,again gl

[Greatgreebo]

Live your life and do what is best for you. Addicts are selfish by nature and will drag you down with them. He won't quit until he wants to. Don't threaten to leave him-this will only cause drama. When you have finally had enough you should leave.
Sometimes the only way to get something back is to let it go.
Hang in there.
Take care of you.
Greatgreebo

[Eliza93]

I'm soo glad I found this forum because now I know an ultimatum won't work.

[Eliza93]

I really appreciate your taking the time to answer me.. I am going to look into the 2 support groups you mentioned.  It's a waiting game..

[FAITHFUL74]

I am not so sure the ultimatum will work, usually someone will just feel threatened by that and continue to use. He has to realize that her really wants to quit. There is nothing you can say to make him stop using. You have to make a decision whether or not you want to live that life you are living and make the decision yourself. Basically, you cant give him an ultimatum you are giving yourself one and you have to stick with it. Best of Luck to you and your boyfriend...

[addictedme]

The most compelling thing you can do is what you said,,unfortunatly unless hes ready to quit then the best will be a couple days,weeks or months then he"ll use again.You say he cant take off work but if he doesnt get help his co. will eventually fail anyway. You may think of attending a nar anon or narc anon meeting for familys of addicts.ANY counsling,,na meetings,forums like this are essential to staying clean,,gl