Back Again- Habitual Relapses

[133113]

Just needed to vent, I have been off and on Hydro since I tried quitting last June, I continue to detox then use and then detox.  I have been in aftercare, but always seem to give in.  I have cut off access but always find a way to get some.

I'm currently on Day 2/3 and feeling not too bad physically, just mentally drained.  I am not craving, but know that is coming, which scares me.  

This time I have to pray more and find strength in myself to make the right choice

[minn66]

Its great that you have a plan in place. I work out 3 to 5 times a week and also started counseling. I have also started getting into Android programming. Lol, who knows... I may write the next great app ;)

Just keep pushing. It really does get better. I'm rooting for you!

[IwillDoThis]

Great so you have some things in place, that is good and will help.  Keeping busy and having distractions is helpful too.  I wish you the strength to conquer this - you are right our lives depend on it for sure.   I'm sure your liver thanks you - I know mine did!

[133113]

I have been in aftercare and therapy.  I am going to just do therapy this time.  I also joined a gym to use as a tool to deal with the cravings and initial depression.

Otherwise, I think the biggest theme right now I am focusing on is surrender.  I realize I cannot do this anymore, it is truly killing me, both physically and mentally.  I am on the cusp, if I continue to use, I will lose my wife, my job, everything.  

[IwillDoThis]

Hi there - praying is great and helps many people but let me ask what are you going to do different this time that you didn't do in previous experiences?  Do you plan on going to any meetings or getting counseling?  Having a plan of action and sticking with it can help you stay strong.  Just something to consider - prayers are good but the responsibility and action have to come from you.  Hang in there you are doing great!

[133113]

Thanks for checking in.  I am doing ok today, this morning was better, this afternoon has been a little tougher, but the rollercoaster is expected as I am only starting of Day 4.

I am just super scared because I have always caved after a week or so.  This time I have been praying and told myself that I gotta go 30 days.

[Sharon0255]

Just stopping by to say I'm thinking of you. I'm here if you want help.

[Sharon0255]

I'm with yea I'm going c/t again this week I'm starting vacation from work thur and I will spend another vacation detoxing.
This will be the first time I've cancelled the Dr I cancelled my appts and refills before but never told them no more opiates I'm doing that tomorrow. I really think it's going to make a big difference for me. Knowing all I had to do was make a phone call and I had pills was a set up for relapse. I do aftercare and I know AA works for me because I've had a lot of clean time before so I know I can do it again.
I'm so afraid of the withdrawals and I've only been using for 10 days. It's the mental part doesn't want me to flush the pills.

[133113]

Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot and I know that part of being sober is engaging and helping other addicts.

[akitagurl12]

thanks for sharing, this was helpful to me as well.  I don't remember life totally sober, I have been on & off vicodin for years. How long would you say it took for you to feel totally ok without using?  I know everyone is different, but sometimes hearing from someone with more time clean makes me feel better.

[IwillDoThis]

Hey there - I just wanted to say hi.  I'm a couple months off hydros myself and all I can say is it is a choice you make every day.  Are you so sick of this cycle you are choosing for yourself?  It isn't easy and the mental part can be soooooo hard but if you can get a little clean time under your belt and start feeling better you might think twice about using again.  Withdrawal is still fresh in my mind that I would never want to go through that again.

Maybe the method of after care you've chosen isn't enough or isn't working for you - have you though of other options?  Just asking - I know having a plan of detox and recovery and sticking to it has really helped me.   Also having an alternate plan to manage my pain was huge.  Not sure if you used from pain or recreationally.

There are lots of here doing it for the first or after many times and we'll support you.  Keep trying and don't give up.  I cannot tell you how much better I feel now, how much better managed my pain is being off opiates.  Time and patience is what you need!

[minn66]

It takes some of us a few tries before we get it right. Good for you for making the decision to quit.

You mentioned that you go to aftercare. Are you comfortable with the group you are in? Do you think another group or type of group might be more beneficial? Just some things to consider.

Great job so far. Keep posting. That really helped me a lot, especially when going through wd. In fact, this forum has helped me get through many a rough day.

Take care and keep fighting,

Minn