Benzo withdrawal? Ativan?? 3 years of use! PLEASE HELP!!!!

[cnote]

I'm 28 years old... I had a VERY bad anxiety episode in October of 2008. Couldnt sleep for nights, rapid heart rate, didnt know what was going on with me. Was pacing like crazy! Finally went to the Dr. after breaking down and crying...

He said I was having anxiety, which I was. He prescribed me .5mg of Lorazepam (ativan) to take up to twice a day when needed.

My anxiety came and went, it was very episodic throughout those 3 years. But I would take ativan when needed when I was feeling anxious or having insomnia.

I then started to develop strange sensations, jolts, electricity etc. and would have ANXIETY and go see my Dr., he assured me it was all anxiety and told me to just keep taking my ativan. Of course, the ativan helped the issues.

I do NOT take this pill EVERYDAY, but after going through my journals over the past 3 years (which thank God I've kept)

I have taken ativan ON more than OFF most def.

Symptoms at 1st were indeed anxiety... and the ativan helped me through it.

But as the years went by, I'd wean slowly over a 2 week period or so, and be great... then a new symptom would appear, and I'd freak out... like muscle twitching all over my body... or a stiff neck... my Dr. assured me it was all anxiety... so since these sensations were GIVING me anxiety... what would I do? Take an ATIVAN or 2. (.5mg)

To some this up... about a Month ago, I was doing great... I started a wedding videographer business on the side, and it exploded. I did get stressed out about it though.

Then all of a sudden... I was filming this girls wedding... 7-30-11 and felt my fingers and lips go tingly... it scared me... then my face flushed... and my heart rate was OUT THE ROOF.

I told myself it was just anxiety and to relax... well I couldnt... but made it through the day. I took 2 ativan to help sleep that night.

Over the next week... I kept feeling the tingling... so I went to the Dr. for peace of mind.. he said anxiety... it soon left... but what came next was CONSTANT OFF BALANCE AND LIGHTHEADEDNESS...

I'd move my head left and right and it would take things a second to catch up. Also, walking just felt WEIRD...

I was TOTALLY wigging out over this... my Dr. assured me it was probably an INNER EAR issue from allergies... or from swimming?

This feeling did NOT help my anxiety though... so I was taking 2 ativan .5mg before bed to help sleep.. b/c I could feel the spinning sensation in my head at times in my sleep. SCARY.

I called my Dr. and said that the ativan isnt working much anymore... and if I could switch over to Klonopin (I had some up in a cabinet) he said NO PROBLEM... just not too much. He said he wasnt worried about me getting addicted. Which I DON'T have an addictive personality at all.

One day of feeling off balance I decided to try a .5mg klonopin... and guess what? The OFF BALANCE feeling LEFT.

I called him and told him and he said great! But he wanted me to start Paxil for my anxiety... 5mg

I agreed and said it couldnt hurt.

Well, that didnt agree with me so I got off of it... only took it for like 4 days?

Then before bed I was getting these STRANGE electric JOLTS in my head and body before falling asleep... then my body would feel weightless as heck! Like I wasnt in it! I told myself over and over it was just anxiety.

The .5mg klonopin was not helping too much.

I called my Dr. about these sensations and he told me it's just anxiety, and that I have it bad.

He said he'd like for me to take .25mg of klonopin just before bed instead of .5mg. So I did...

since then I've had feelings of DREAD... electric jolt... the strangest 1-2 second panic attack sensations ever... depersonalization for seconds at a time... now I'm having insomnia...

2 days ago I called him CRYING and moping b/c of these feelings, and I told him that I thought I was having ATIVAN WITHDRAWAL...

My back has been achy too and just feels flu like.. I have had a couple bouts of diarhea too.. and ZERO appetite for the most part.

I can't keep still.... he told me to relax and take 2 ativan and to come see him next week... which will be this Tuesday.

I didnt sleep at all lastnight even with the .25mg klonopin... and I was a pacy mess today... and still am... I kept researching Lorazepam/Ativan/Benzo withdrawal... and I really feel this is what I'm experiencing..

I havent had ativan for almost a month now... just Klonopin... and I'm down to .25mg..

I'm a MESS. But I'm making it.

I broke down and had my Dr. paged again tonight b/c I was convinced I was having DEPENDENCY/Withdrawal from Ativan... and Klonopin was just hiding some of the possible withdrawal effects? But not really.

He said it's possible but he said "Why do you want to stop Ativan? You have anxiety and it helps..."

I explained "I think the ativan is causing more problems than good... and im developing a tolerance.."

He said "Well sometimes you have to take more... but that's okay..."

He said his goal is to get me off the Ativan safely and to help my anxiety.

I'M SO SCARED I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH WITHDRAWAL HELL.

Do you think I am or is this really ALL anxiety?

Do you think once I completely wean off the klonopin .25mg... are the withdrawals going to be EVEN WORSE?

Am I going to vomit shake? etc.? Be able to go to work? All these thoughts are going through my head... it's scary... I'm trying so hard NOT to take any ativan right now...

He said he'd help me wean off... but I havent taken it for a month... so will he take me off the klonopin more than likely then put me back on ativan? then wean me off???

I told him about the Ashton Method, he said he hasnt ever heard of it and said it sounded dumb to wean off ativan with diazapam.

I'm scared now he's not educated enough to help me wean off ativan correctly...

WHAT DO I DO? He's been a loving Dr. he really has... but I'm SO SCARED to go through this....

[Rich99]

My post here is not meant to be heartless or show lack of concern.    I have been down this road over a 14 year period in order to treat my terrible symptoms from fibomyalgia.     You were trying to treat your own symptoms and it all started like it usually does.....""He said I was having anxiety, which I was. He prescribed me .5mg of Lorazepam (ativan) to take up to twice a day when needed.""....that is how it always starts.   The doctor sees the patient and prescribes whats hoped to be the big solution.    It is not!     These chemicals disrupt the brain and body's own natural chemicals.    The result the brain begins to rely on these artificial chemicals and pushes aside our natural ones.    The result is addiction.   Attempts go get off these artificial chemicals results in not having what the brain craves.    The brain has a lag period until it realizes it needs to start producing its own natural ones again.     That's withdrawal and its not pretty.    To sum up,  we are better off facing the lesser of two evils.    In my case I am surviving my fibromyalgia symptoms which make life tough but its better than the addiction.   In your case,  it is better to have anxiety than anxiety and addiction.    You can re-train the way you think everyday.     Thoughts produce anxiety and it requires re-training your thoughts.    Neverless,  if you cannot solve that,  having anxiety is the lesser of two evils.    

[ImDONENoMore]

Benzos should never be stopped abruptly - you're supposed to taper off of them slowly.

You need to get your Dr. on board with you here as far as getting off the drugs for good.  Stopping a benzo cold turkey can cause seizures so it's nothing to mess around with.  And you can print out the info you found on the Ashton manual and bring it to him.  Remember YOU are the patient here and need to speak up on behalf of yourself.  I know you said you love this Dr. but has he mentioned even once the option of therapy?  

Therapy can help you find out what's causing these attacks.  The pills are only a bandaid and until you get some counseling to try and find out what's causing these attacks, this rollercoaster you're on will continue.

Good luck to you.

[cnote]

Yes my dr has recommended therapy before and I did do a few sessions but was taking ativan then too. Im gonna figure this out. I don't think its going to be like heroin withdrawal or anything unless I stop cold turkey. Lasting I took 2 ativan around 10pm then before bed took my. 25mg klonopin. my dr does want me off the klonopin. So im weaning slowly. Maybe tonight ill start cutting my klonopin smaller. Im gonna get through this. You're right about retraining your brain how to think and be calm. My wife explained it to me this way... "honey so you have an achy back.. your all of a sudden freaking out over that... and your loss of appetite.. and your lack of sleep... if that were me id think hey I've got an achy back and move on... you ponder and ponder on it thinking you're going through terrible withdrawal. You need to stop researching it and listen to your dr."

[Lindsay_T]

Hi cnote,
So sorry you are so stressed out. I have been where you are, emotionally. I got myself so worried once regarding pill use that I thought i was going to die, it was terrible.
Fact is you are experiencing very strong feelings. You will be okay! I don't want to comment on taking or not taking, other than to say, listen to exactly what your dr says. Be clear with him about your goals and your worries, but then follow his advise to achieve those goals.
I have lots of people in my life with big anxiety feelings ( my husband, my son, and my mom) so I know how scared you are! I wish I could hug you and rub your shoulders and let you know it's going to be okay!
Hugs, Lindsay

[my_mayberry]

i'm sorry, but any dr that dismisses using valium as a taper is questionable, in my opinion. just my thoughts, though.

[my_mayberry]

Try it. Good thing is if it becomes too uncomfortable, you can just go back up and the issues should resolve. Problem with valium is once u start, theres no going back. Id try this first...then if it doesnt work, go the valium route.