well i took your guys advice

[sheri0509]

i took your guys advice and came clean with my husband about everything.....  we got into a huge fight and he packed up his clothes and left me and the kids.  how does this make me want to overcome my addiction?  ever since i decided i wanted to get better everything is going wrong.
now what?

[Junkie]

Ah ok. So like "extra strength" or "extra stuff" or "extra sh*t"  Ha ha, just kidding. I take 10's now myself.

You could have died last night. Why take your life over a guy who won't answer a phone call, you know he is going to call you, maybe not today, but he will. And you have kiddos....you need to think of them.

So I assume you puked your guts out last night? 28 is a lot girl. I can't think of anyone I know who could take that much all together and not OD. Sure, it's a cry for help, so go get some help.

You are going to WIC so I assume you are in the system. There are free programs for those in the sys for detoxing, outpatient, that don't ask personal questions.....you know, about your kids and all.

Look into it. And don't try to off yourself again.

Sh*t, I could take 30 10's in one day, but I am talking in a 24 hour period.

Be careful, get some help, and don't let the thought of him get to you right now. Get straight, then deal with him. If he fought with you all the time, then thats not what you need to get sober.

Be good to yourself hon. : )  Think of you and your kiddos. Put him on the back burner for now. I know it's hard, but do not let him take up all of your thoughts. Push it away. Be strong.

[sheri0509]

vicodin 7.5

[Junkie]

28 es? What is "es"? Like Ex or........?  I am so not up on the drug lingo. : )

[sheri0509]

hi there, i think that might be the reason.  If I just use what Im supposed to use than he has to address his own addictions.  plus im not going to be having the extra pills that he can have anymore (i dont know if he was dipping in them other than what i was giving him) and no i wasnt staling his stash.  They were mine.  I tried to call him yesterday but he wouldnt even answer my phone calls so I dont even know if he was really at his moms.  I have to admiot I dont even drink but I was so upset last night that I dank 2 beers and 28 es all together.  bad nightdamn him!!!!!!   well gotta go to a wic appt be back on un about an hr

[troubleinohio]

Im sorry this happened. Perhaps he feels threatned since you are quitting your habit and that he might have to reevaulate his own addictions and feel obligated to quit too and has no intentions of doing such a thing?  Or am i way off base here? Just throwing ideas out at you here..   Or were you stealing his stash of pills and thats why he's mad?   At any rate Im not sure where to go from here with you as far as advice goes. Need more info. Why did he feel like leaving was the right thing to do? Is there more to teh story? Dont be afraid to be honest with us, we are here to try and help you. But cant help if we dont know the whole situation.    I had alot of problems with my husband too when I detoxed the first couple of times. Our marriage almost did not survive. Things got very bad for awhile here and I didnt think we were gonna make it. They did improve for along while but they have deteriorated once again here and Im not even using- its just a bunch of unrelated issues that have not yet been dealt with. Marriage is hard work no matter what, whether you are actively using or in recovery, or if youve never been an addict at all before! Marriage is hard!
PM me if you want to talk more in depth about things if you dont feeel comfortable going into too much detail on the board and I will try to help you. I really want to see you quit your pills hon. I told you from the get-go that Im really worried about you due to the high amount youve been taking. I really want to see you get through this and off the pills entirely hon. Im here for you.  

[Junkie]

You did the right thing by telling him. Do you feel a sense of peace, or better a monkey off your back? Now you don't have to hide it. I am sure he will be back. He has issues of his own. If he comes back, I hope you both can work on the drug issues together.

It may seem like everything is going wrong, but really, you are taking that first step. It will get better. The more you work on your addiction, and understand why you became one, the more you will free yourself. I know right now, things seem like sh*t because he left, and I don't know what you are going through because I have never been in your position, but just remember that things will get better.

Maybe he needed this wake up call for himself as well? Maybe he couldn't handle hearing your truths because he too is an addict?

[NautyOne]

You sound a little scorned at the forum as if it is the people on the forum that have done you wrong.  Soul search this one, and you will find you made the right choice, and by choice I mean yours.  You got married for better or worse.  Remind him of that.  I hope he comes to his senses and comes home and gives you the support you need right now.  

God Bless you and your family.

Nauty......................

GH  !!!!

[MizDemeanor]

Also Sheri, once you are clean, you will be surprised how many less fights there are. You said in your post that you and hubby fight all the time and for stupid things. Its common (or was in my house) I thought when I was using that everything was fine, but now that Ive stopped I see that most of my arguments with SO or kid was because the pills make you emotional and sometimes bitchy.They knew I was taking meds but not how many, At least you did 40 in a week, I could do 40 in 4 days, and if I had kept using I'd have had to go up and so would you if you needed the "high". Tolerance builds and builds. Stay strong as you can and know you have peeps thinking of you.  Hope this helps.
Peace.

[road2recovery]

I am sorry to hear this....But like you said he has issues of his own, so you are doing the right thing, you are tapering and trying and that is great!!!
i know you were not expecting this, but please try to keep going, because you are doing a great job...
i will make 5 months tommorrow, and i will tell you it is nice to have my life back..
so please try to focus on you...ok
we are here for u
r2r

[addictedme]

Stick with your plan,,become a RECOVERYING addict and when youve become the woman you really are either he"ll realize his mistake or theres one lucky guy out there that just hasnt met you yet

[Avalancheblanche]

You did a really brave thing.  I know how hard that was for you.  My husband was not that understanding either.  Trust in yourself and the people here.   Maybe your husband is running from himself too.  Give it some time.  Good things will come from this.  Hopefully for both of you.  You are a strong person for doing what you are doing.

[sheri0509]

thanks for all the supportbelieve me all he is not an angelhe took my pills also, not like me though, smokes weed and drinks.  he didnt know that i took up to 40 es a week thoughthats what i told himhe fights with me all the time lately over stupid stuff and finally this seemed like this last straw.  i wasnt expecting it though.

[Coolio Hernendez]

Stick with the truth. That will bring him back if everything is on the up and up.
You cant blame him for roll'n.

No matter what, stick with the truth and with your recovery you need to show him that your worth it.

It is messed up that he rolled on the kid's. You might need to re-think him (ater your done dealing with you).

[MizDemeanor]

I'm sorry that happened. I have been on both ends (ie married to an addict and now being caught up in taking pain meds and going c/t after getting up to 100 mg per day of lortabs or percocets.)
I know how he feels, and now I know how the other side feels. People who are NOT addicts have a hard time becuse it seems to them you should "just stop". I remember begging my ex to "stop for our kid" if not for himself. He felt like **** but didnt stop til HE was ready to stop.
Now Im on the other side and had to tell MY SO. Shes not crazy about it, she knew something was wrong (hello Ive been from type A personality to cardboard girl, how fun as a partner, eh?) She didnt leave. I have a teenager too. (which is way fun if you havent had one)
I guess this is a ramble Im still only on day 6, but I just want you to know that until you get YOU fixed, really although it sounds selfish, you cannot focus on how he feels as much as you have to focus on getting off of whatever drug you were on. (sorry dont know everyones story yet) I remember hearing that from my ex when he first got sober long ago and thinking "great you were selfish as an addict now you are selfish SOBER". Its not selfish, its survival. Save yourself first or you wont have anything to give to the marriage. I feel badly for both you and your husband as I have been on both sides.  
The most important thing is, if you stopped, plesae try to refrain from relapsing. A pill (or 2 or 3, etc) wont do anything but make it worse. One is too many and 100 isnt enough. Dont go back to that hell if you quit and if you didnt quit, read this board more. These great peeps saved me.
Peace.

[allaboutmary]

Sorry that this happened, but as Bear said  taking the drugs will definaltley not make it better.  Did your husband leave because of your drug use ?  Please stay with this forum. Everyone here is so supportive and helpful.  Keep posting.     Mary

[FAITHFUL74]

Give him some time to think about this. It backfired on me too. He didn't leave, but, he through it up at me all the time for the first week. Which did not help. Set your mind to quitting. He's freaked out right now. If he knew nothing about this, then he feels totally betrayed by you. Dont fear that he doesn't love you because of it, he just dont understand whats happening. When time allows, express to him your desire to get off the drugs and that you are asking for his support, not for him to alienate you and your children. Hang in there!!! Dont give up just because he is scared okay?

[PromisedLand]

Stick with taking care of you and your kids. I'm not familiar with what you were taking,
but take care of yourself and get off the meds.  Staying on them is not going to make anything any better.  It's a shame your husband isn't more supportive.  Perhaps once you show you are taking steps to get clean you will be able to work things out.

You have plenty of support here.

Jim