Boyfriend STILL at it.

[inlovewithtrouble]

I just don't know what to do.
I posted last week after we had a bad night. I stole his drugs and flushed them. He used again last night. It is now almost 6pm and he's STILL going. Convinced he's going to get off when he's high on crack. Been there, done that... it's not happening. It is SO GROSS to see him like this. I feel awful because he's the love of my life, and I am disgusted by him right now.
I've rallied his friends. His bestfriend's wife wants him taken away and checked into an inpatient treatment center for a couple of months, but we can't do that. I can't live that long without him, he can't be out of work that long... he owns his business. He can't not see his kids for that long, it just won't work, but we're at a loss as to what to do.

I don't want him to die, but that is what I'm preparing myself for. He is SUCH a good person outside of this, I don't want that to be his legacy... that he was a user and died. I'm afraid he's going to get shot getting the drugs, OD... whatever.

I'm sick of the apologizes when he comes down... they just don't mean anything anymore. When he's high, he solicits sex from anyone or anything that will do him. That makes me feel AWFUL, but having done crack with him, I know the sexual buzz he gets. I still don't feel like it's an excuse for his behavior. It's cheating... drugs or no drugs.

I'm tired of the lies, the secrets... I'm just TIRED guys! I love this man too much to give up on him, and the last thing he needs is to feel abandoned, but what else is there?!?!?

Has anyone else quit crack/cocaine? HOW?!?!

[Ghilly]

With all due respect, it sounds more like it's your own selfishness that is keeping him from getting help, and not the "reasons" you have given. If he continues on with a crack habit, do you really think he'll even have a business to worry about in a short while?  Do you think it's good for him to be around his children when he's high on crack?  Stop making what amounts to selfish excuses and let him get the help he needs!

Ghilly

[nuredshuz]

I was thinking the same thing silver said, you cant be without him, the kids cant be without him, he cant take off work but you are preparing for his death?  Im hoping that if you read that back to yourself a light bulb will go off inside your head.  Please listen to newmanagement and gizzy, they have both been there and they know what he is doing to himself ~ he needs the help, I really hope he gets it...i wish  you the best...peace

[newmanagment]

Hi i was wondering why you are posting my story :(  yours hubby could be me!! i too cant stand to be away from my kids , i own my own business, all that. so let me ask  you a ?, the same one i ask myself.... how long will we have these things if we continue to let that pipe run our lives?!  not very long, that is the sad truth.. he will turn his kids against him, by not being the father they deserve.. he will slowly lose the work if he continues to stay on this path as well. It is time for him to admit, he cannot do this alone. he has to want to be clean, when he is not high. we all want to "get help" when we are coming down , or running out of rocks. but he has to realize , when he is sober, that he has a problem. have him count up the days this year (08) that he has used dope. add them days together... that is how long this year he has already been away from the kids!! as for you, im sorry, but you are going to have to toughen up and live without him for awhile!! public aid will help with food and medical, and we all pay enough taxes that i personally would love to see help people like your family.. also, YOU need to get to al-anon , or a codependent counseling to get your own head right with this.. yelling , screaming, and getting disgusted will not better your problem, just ask my wife. i will help you and your hubby in anyway i can, first i would get him on here to read some post, and let him know you care, but you are not gonna take this anymore. message me or repost if you have any ?s, and again im sorry this is happening to you and your family, but it is and it is time to deal with it once and for all. many prayers and much love....

[gizzy32]

i am sorry again if i sounded harsh, but it is so heartbreaking to hear this, cause i know what your going through and im sure you just feel helpless to help him. well right now you are, this drug is more important than anything in his life and he really does need some help. i hope you take this advice we all gave you and realize we say this cause we care. i was the biggest cokehead for 5 years, went from being a great guy with a great life, to someone i hated and only cared about getting high, but you asked if anyone has quit, i have, i will be 4 months clean from coke in a few days and life is so good again. it can be done, but he needs help. i wish you the best of luck

[dardo]

As I see it, you are living without him now. He is not that person you fell in love with if he is high all the time. Instead, you are living with a shadow of what you want and desire and deserve from him.  

[gizzy32]

for crack he will need more than a 3 week program. 3 month minimum, but this is his only chance, it's a fact

[gizzy32]

what i don't understand is why you say you can't be away from him that long???????? death or hurting you is longer than rehab. 99.9% of the time this drug cannot be beat without inpatient rehab and even after rehab the success rate of staying clean from this drug is only 10%. if you think for one sec he will just stop, then i am truly sorry for you. i don;t mean to sound harsh, but i did coke for 5 years and watched friends lose everything in their lives to crack. they left their children behind, had drug dealers invading their apartment at gunpoint, and one was stabbed. crack is probably the most difficult drug to beat and you say he can't go to rehab??????? if you love this man, i mean truly love him, you need to tell him to either go to rehab or goodbye. i know your not going to like my comments, but i don't want to see you have to deal with this, you deserve so much better. get this man some help. HE WILL NO JUST QUIT ON HIS OWN.

[GoingToMakeIt]

He can't change unless he wants to. And you can live without him for 3 weeks! You are already wondering if he will live. 3 weeks is a short trade off, yes??
He still needs to be the one to quit.

[flmagi]

If he dies, you will live without him.
If he dies, his kids won't see him for a really, really long time.
If he dies, or goes to jail or an institution, his business will surely be gone.
So, you're preparing for him to die. He lies to you (of course) and he screwing anything that comes along. You better get yourself checked for STDs.
You can't help him until he wants it, but you can help yourself.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I sent gizzy a PM

[confused456]

You need advice from Gizzy or newmanagement................

[sterling_silver]

He can't take off from work. He can't leave the kids. You can't live that long without him.
But, you are preparing yourself for his death. Think about that. If someone is offering him help, take it. You will somehow get through life without him for 2 months.