Aa
Finally free? Yes!
I posted a question in desperation last year when I received two scripts for the same med from my primary and my surgeon. My main and only concern at this point was truly fear of being caught after I realized this was a "no no." At this point I had been through two shoulder surgeries and issues in my lower back were beginning to manifest; honestly "myelogram proven injuries" manifest...not just an excuse to get more pills.
When one is injured, we don't typically think much about the scripts given to us to manage our pain. However, being that narcotics are addictive drugs, it only makes sense that after a couple months use we find ourselves addicted.
Forgive my ignorance on the matter, but to me there seem to be two types of addictions going simultaneously here: dependent addiction for true pain relief, and addiction for a pleasure effect which usually lingers after the first.
I have always considered myself a driven woman who pushes her way through obstacles, and viewed those who found themselves with substance addictions to be weak. My "knees" have been broken through my own ordeal(metaphorically speaking), and I find myself beneath humble concerning the issue now.
Addiction can happen to anyone. If you are reading this post and feel ashamed or alone DON'T! When I think back over the years of people I looked down on without compassion, it makes me shudder...
I found myself collecting a script from my shoulder surgeon for my shoulder, and a script for the same med from my primary for my back(which eventually became useful for my shoulder unbeknownst to my primary).
I asked for help on this site and was given great advice. I went into to my surgeon and confessed, at which point he said nothing. Really...he said nothing. I waited for the man to process the info and nothing came out. Finally, after the topic was awkwardly brushed off, I asked one last time if he wanted to continue my treatment or if I needed a new doctor. He told me they would monitor my progress and see me back in two weeks. Weird!
My next visit consisted of an injection. I did not accept a new script on this occasion or the previous. On my way out the door I thought I'd mention the overlap of scripts that took place a full month prior to my last visit(two weeks before this appt. so six weeks previous total) one more time; at this point he said not to worry about it, just to be sure that in the future only one doctor was treating me for pain. Ok.
My shoulder continued to go down hill and I couldn't take the pain and sleepless nights any longer. My husband and I went back in for a consult with my surgeon. He told us he didn't see how anything could STILL be wrong in my shoulder. Ouch! He looked at my husband and told him he feared that I was exaggerating the symptoms to gain more medication. My husband...the same man who lies down with me at night and finds an hour later I'm back on the couch because I cannot sleep due to the intense pain, the same man who lives with me and knows my every weakness. Telling my husband that I was faking my symptoms was not this man's smartest move. Especially when you factor in that I spoke with him on two separate occasions about my script overlap use, and the subsequent refusals on MY part to accept their offers of more meds.
Side note ***After my second surgery, the surgery performed by THIS surgeon, he told my husband and I that he cleaned up a huge mess of inflamed, frayed tissue. He told us both that there was a large thin area in my rotator cuff that he would most likely need to repair in six months to a year, but for now I was "good."
Less than a year later, he sits in his office and says I'm faking symptoms. We left.
I'm not blowing smoke trying to glean sympathy here folks...I've read far too many posts that do this with complete shamelessness. An addict knows an addict...it just takes a little longer for some of us to realize this. I say this with the utmost humility...my heart breaks for these folks who refuse to admit they are in bondage. How does that old saying go...Admitting you have a problem is half the battle.
At this point I truly was still in intense pain; I am right handed and the injury was to my right shoulder. Two surgeries later I was ready to shoot myself. Thank goodness, and I'm still not sure how/why, the pain in my lower back left as quickly as it manifested. To look at the myelogram report you would think I'd be in agony, but to this day the pain in my back has not resurfaced.
Out of sheer desperation I moved all of my business to Atlanta. Together my husband and I sought out a new primary doctor, told her everything, EVERYTHING, and got a referral to a new surgeon in that area. Because of my honesty regarding the previous overlap the doctors (primary and surgeon) wanted me to set up with a pain management specialist. After getting set up with pain mgmt., I met the new surgeon, and without any imaging test he diagnosed my AC joint. He scheduled surgery two weeks later. On December 20th, 2010 my new surgeon repaired my AC joint that was grinding, and he repaired a large tear in my rotator cuff. Yesterday was six weeks to the day and I have been narcotic free for two full weeks.
Today, the thought of taking one more pill nauseates me to my very core! I realize that may be tough to believe but it's true. I have noooo superman/woman power that made the break easier for me, and the first week of withdrawal was a nightmare. But we all know the medication will run out eventually, and if we don't/can't stop on our own with the love and support of family, we will resort to less than honest levels to meet the "need."
I started my own PT routine and have regained almost full range of motion back in my right arm again. There have been mornings that I laid in bed and cried because of the pain, but I know without a shadow of doubt that I am on the road to a full recovery. If I need anything for pain I take a Tylenol but even that is rare.
Am I an addict? Yes. I found myself needing/wanting the lortab not just for pain relief, but also for the energy benefits I received from it. What began as a "pain dependency addiction" quickly turned into a "pain/energy boost dependency."
For me, it was the awful stares from doctors and nurses alike who clearly sat in judgment of my situation that brought me to my knees; this alone makes me want to vomit when I think of returning to the lortab. I'm a person! Their patient!
But..big but here... this anger forced me to face the fact that I could recover without the meds, and it motivated me to prove to those people they were wrong in their assumptions. At least the assumption that there was no problem left to fix, and I was a just a junkie looking for a fix.
I mean no harm by the term "junkie" either. We all have our burdens to bear and you don't know what another person has suffered until you walk in their shoes.
It's funny...these same professionals dole out the pills at "break neck speed," but when the shoulder problem persisted, instead of re-scoping the area they blew me off leaving me to find a new doctor each time.
My solution was to change my "situation." :) Fresh eyes, fresh perspective, a life given back!
My frustration lies now with the knowledge that this all could have been resolved in the first surgery. Withdrawals are withdrawals, and they are going to be miserable regardless of the length of time we use the drug, but the pain, aggravation, and degradation would have been limited or non-existent had I been properly diagnosed two years ago.
In my heart of hearts it is my personal belief now that no one starts using any type of drug for the sake of a quick high. There is always an underlying issue. We are treating physical pain or mental pain...either way we are all in pain and susceptible to becoming addicts. God bless!
When one is injured, we don't typically think much about the scripts given to us to manage our pain. However, being that narcotics are addictive drugs, it only makes sense that after a couple months use we find ourselves addicted.
Forgive my ignorance on the matter, but to me there seem to be two types of addictions going simultaneously here: dependent addiction for true pain relief, and addiction for a pleasure effect which usually lingers after the first.
I have always considered myself a driven woman who pushes her way through obstacles, and viewed those who found themselves with substance addictions to be weak. My "knees" have been broken through my own ordeal(metaphorically speaking), and I find myself beneath humble concerning the issue now.
Addiction can happen to anyone. If you are reading this post and feel ashamed or alone DON'T! When I think back over the years of people I looked down on without compassion, it makes me shudder...
I found myself collecting a script from my shoulder surgeon for my shoulder, and a script for the same med from my primary for my back(which eventually became useful for my shoulder unbeknownst to my primary).
I asked for help on this site and was given great advice. I went into to my surgeon and confessed, at which point he said nothing. Really...he said nothing. I waited for the man to process the info and nothing came out. Finally, after the topic was awkwardly brushed off, I asked one last time if he wanted to continue my treatment or if I needed a new doctor. He told me they would monitor my progress and see me back in two weeks. Weird!
My next visit consisted of an injection. I did not accept a new script on this occasion or the previous. On my way out the door I thought I'd mention the overlap of scripts that took place a full month prior to my last visit(two weeks before this appt. so six weeks previous total) one more time; at this point he said not to worry about it, just to be sure that in the future only one doctor was treating me for pain. Ok.
My shoulder continued to go down hill and I couldn't take the pain and sleepless nights any longer. My husband and I went back in for a consult with my surgeon. He told us he didn't see how anything could STILL be wrong in my shoulder. Ouch! He looked at my husband and told him he feared that I was exaggerating the symptoms to gain more medication. My husband...the same man who lies down with me at night and finds an hour later I'm back on the couch because I cannot sleep due to the intense pain, the same man who lives with me and knows my every weakness. Telling my husband that I was faking my symptoms was not this man's smartest move. Especially when you factor in that I spoke with him on two separate occasions about my script overlap use, and the subsequent refusals on MY part to accept their offers of more meds.
Side note ***After my second surgery, the surgery performed by THIS surgeon, he told my husband and I that he cleaned up a huge mess of inflamed, frayed tissue. He told us both that there was a large thin area in my rotator cuff that he would most likely need to repair in six months to a year, but for now I was "good."
Less than a year later, he sits in his office and says I'm faking symptoms. We left.
I'm not blowing smoke trying to glean sympathy here folks...I've read far too many posts that do this with complete shamelessness. An addict knows an addict...it just takes a little longer for some of us to realize this. I say this with the utmost humility...my heart breaks for these folks who refuse to admit they are in bondage. How does that old saying go...Admitting you have a problem is half the battle.
At this point I truly was still in intense pain; I am right handed and the injury was to my right shoulder. Two surgeries later I was ready to shoot myself. Thank goodness, and I'm still not sure how/why, the pain in my lower back left as quickly as it manifested. To look at the myelogram report you would think I'd be in agony, but to this day the pain in my back has not resurfaced.
Out of sheer desperation I moved all of my business to Atlanta. Together my husband and I sought out a new primary doctor, told her everything, EVERYTHING, and got a referral to a new surgeon in that area. Because of my honesty regarding the previous overlap the doctors (primary and surgeon) wanted me to set up with a pain management specialist. After getting set up with pain mgmt., I met the new surgeon, and without any imaging test he diagnosed my AC joint. He scheduled surgery two weeks later. On December 20th, 2010 my new surgeon repaired my AC joint that was grinding, and he repaired a large tear in my rotator cuff. Yesterday was six weeks to the day and I have been narcotic free for two full weeks.
Today, the thought of taking one more pill nauseates me to my very core! I realize that may be tough to believe but it's true. I have noooo superman/woman power that made the break easier for me, and the first week of withdrawal was a nightmare. But we all know the medication will run out eventually, and if we don't/can't stop on our own with the love and support of family, we will resort to less than honest levels to meet the "need."
I started my own PT routine and have regained almost full range of motion back in my right arm again. There have been mornings that I laid in bed and cried because of the pain, but I know without a shadow of doubt that I am on the road to a full recovery. If I need anything for pain I take a Tylenol but even that is rare.
Am I an addict? Yes. I found myself needing/wanting the lortab not just for pain relief, but also for the energy benefits I received from it. What began as a "pain dependency addiction" quickly turned into a "pain/energy boost dependency."
For me, it was the awful stares from doctors and nurses alike who clearly sat in judgment of my situation that brought me to my knees; this alone makes me want to vomit when I think of returning to the lortab. I'm a person! Their patient!
But..big but here... this anger forced me to face the fact that I could recover without the meds, and it motivated me to prove to those people they were wrong in their assumptions. At least the assumption that there was no problem left to fix, and I was a just a junkie looking for a fix.
I mean no harm by the term "junkie" either. We all have our burdens to bear and you don't know what another person has suffered until you walk in their shoes.
It's funny...these same professionals dole out the pills at "break neck speed," but when the shoulder problem persisted, instead of re-scoping the area they blew me off leaving me to find a new doctor each time.
My solution was to change my "situation." :) Fresh eyes, fresh perspective, a life given back!
My frustration lies now with the knowledge that this all could have been resolved in the first surgery. Withdrawals are withdrawals, and they are going to be miserable regardless of the length of time we use the drug, but the pain, aggravation, and degradation would have been limited or non-existent had I been properly diagnosed two years ago.
In my heart of hearts it is my personal belief now that no one starts using any type of drug for the sake of a quick high. There is always an underlying issue. We are treating physical pain or mental pain...either way we are all in pain and susceptible to becoming addicts. God bless!
Thank you for your encouragement! I see the days you've been clean and I fall to my feet and thank Jesus! By His stripes we are healed! Amen!!!
I love posts like yours. Thank you.
It is a shame...so many of us got caught in a cycle
that we couldn't control and didn't understand and when we did, it was very late in the game. The window to crawl through, to get the hell out, is sometimes very small.
It is a shame...so many of us got caught in a cycle
that we couldn't control and didn't understand and when we did, it was very late in the game. The window to crawl through, to get the hell out, is sometimes very small.
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