Can i get some valuable suggestions while taking drug addiction treatment?

[AllenMartin]

One of my friend is under drug addiction treatment, so i want to help him.

[dominosarah]

Everything you wrote is why Alanon was started.  My daughter attends Alanon and she has been given a new lease on life dealing with an addict.  The growth she has shown is amazing and she has found more peace within herself.  She loves her meetings with these people and comes away with something new everytime.  

[SJS49]

I hope it does that for me also, and gives me the strength to figure out the best thing for my baby and myself.

[dominosarah]

You have alot on your plate right now and you do need to sort out what you are feeling.  You cant save him or even throw consequences out there as he has to stop on his own.  All you can do is take care of you.  It is very hard to be in a relationship where one has cleaned up and the other is still using.  Alanon will  be really good for you given your circumstances.  Please dont rush to the alter until there is some serious changes taking place with you both. I know you love him but this all comes down to you saving you and you loving yourself first and foremost.  Never sacrifice your clean time for anything.  You have such a kind heart and hopefully he will see your actions speaking louder than your words.

[SJS49]

Thank you! I have been engaged to this man for 3 1/2 years and have put off marrying him because he keeps going to jail and won't wake up and keeps trying to find ways around his probation that will allow him to drink, just as last time, it's not IF he gets arrested again for violation, it's WHEN and it really hurts me that he wouldn't want to stay sober for our baby. He says he can't wait to get off probation so he can just drink all the time again, and if he does go back to that, I won't stay with him because he is mean/abusive and embarassing, etc etc when he is drunk and I don't want to be with someone that is only sober a couple days a week and then just lays around on the couch for two days while he sobers up and then goes right back to drinking. It really makes me sad. He was like this before I met him, I just didn't know the extent. But it's ridiculous to only think about how drunk you can get all the time when probation is over, or when he has a 3 day holiday before going back to his program. I know I can't save him, but I was hoping that he would want to save himself for me and the baby. I think he loves his beer more than his family. And the worst part, I feel like he won't care if I kicked him out and he was without me, he would just think he would be able to do what he wants now. I know addicts are selfish, but even when I was taking my pills, I put my baby and my family above anything else. I googled the al-anon meetings and there is one on Saturday morning in my town that I will be attending, and I am actually really looking forward to going. They are only once a week where I live. I really hope I get some help and support and knowledge out of it. My counseling appointments are not long enough for me to get it all out, and I don't think the counselor understands as much as I hope this group will. Thank you for your kind words and for giving me this information and taking the time to talk with me about this...I really appreciate it.

[dominosarah]

Alanon iis for the family/loved ones of the addict.  It would do you alot of good to go.  We can never get enough help/knowledge with addiction.  When we are close to the one addicted it becomes much harder to separate our emotions which in turn becomes enabling at it's finest.  You can also be a huge help to those who attend as you will see the enabling that is going on not to mention all the excuses the addict gives the family.  It is a win win for you to attend!!

[SJS49]

Thank you very much! I will definitely be going to one. I think my counselor does me good, but not as good as a group like this will be. The counselor told me I am enabling his alcoholism by staying with him and not letting him know there are consequences, but I love him, and if I can help him, then I would like that...if I can't, then at that time, I will decide on leaving, but I know I am enabling him by allowing him to drink in our home (not that he would listen to me if I asked him not to, he's an addict, he'll do what he wants), but he's on felony probation and not supposed to be drinking at all, he's been to jail twice in the past two years for violating due to alcohol and that hasn't "taught him a lesson," and I just dont know what to do. Thank you very much for the information!

[dominosarah]

Knowledge is power when it comes to addiction.  I would check out Alanon in your area.  The biggest thing with helping an addict is learning how NOT to enable them.  Alanon is a wonderful group and those people all have a loved one who is an addict.  

[SJS49]

Dominosarah...Is Alanon a group for the addict or for family members of the addict? My fiance is an alcoholic, and I think I need something like this. I think I enable him without realizing that I am enabling him, at least that is what my counselor told me several months ago. I would be very interested in attending if this is the right meeting, and it might help my addict brain as well :)

[Dee1956]

Hi there, I think it is great you want to help. What questions do you have?
Others will be a long soon, Dee