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Crying Today and Can't stop!
I'm on day 9 off vic withdrawals. I should be proud and happy about this fact. I got up this morning and for the first time, I made my son breakfast before school. I got up easily. I did a motherly thing. I went to my therapy appointment and I was feeling so good. I drove over to my doctors office and got my form that released me to go back to work.
But around 130, I crashed so hard. Now I'm can't stop crying and having all these thoughts. Thoughts that my brain is broken forever. I'm on day 9 and STILL feel like I'm in a FOG. Shouldn't my brain feel clear since I have a total lack of opiates in my system? still have zero energy. I still have extreme anxiety. Night time is my own living hell. I can't sleep. The anxiety is always worse at night. When I do sleep my dreams are so scary and then I have sleep paralysis.
It's like one day I'm feeling so good and the next day I'm feeling like this will NEVER get better. This rollercoaster of emotions isn't something I expected after the withdrawal was over. At least not this long after it was over. I expected all this during the actual withdrawals. not 9 days into it.
I have to go back to work on monday. I don't have a normal run of the mill job either. My job deals with every day life and death situations. How can I break through this daily fog enough to concentrate on saving lives?
Any help would be so much appreciated here. I just feel so hopeless right now. I had such a good outlook on this whole thing in the beginning and even during the physical withdrawals.
I'm not thinking of using. That's not an option. But am I forever broken? Will I ever feel clear headed again? or did I break something that will never be normal again?
Sorry for the horrible sob story. I know uplifting posts help way more than these but I need help from other addicts and you guys are the only ones I know.
But around 130, I crashed so hard. Now I'm can't stop crying and having all these thoughts. Thoughts that my brain is broken forever. I'm on day 9 and STILL feel like I'm in a FOG. Shouldn't my brain feel clear since I have a total lack of opiates in my system? still have zero energy. I still have extreme anxiety. Night time is my own living hell. I can't sleep. The anxiety is always worse at night. When I do sleep my dreams are so scary and then I have sleep paralysis.
It's like one day I'm feeling so good and the next day I'm feeling like this will NEVER get better. This rollercoaster of emotions isn't something I expected after the withdrawal was over. At least not this long after it was over. I expected all this during the actual withdrawals. not 9 days into it.
I have to go back to work on monday. I don't have a normal run of the mill job either. My job deals with every day life and death situations. How can I break through this daily fog enough to concentrate on saving lives?
Any help would be so much appreciated here. I just feel so hopeless right now. I had such a good outlook on this whole thing in the beginning and even during the physical withdrawals.
I'm not thinking of using. That's not an option. But am I forever broken? Will I ever feel clear headed again? or did I break something that will never be normal again?
Sorry for the horrible sob story. I know uplifting posts help way more than these but I need help from other addicts and you guys are the only ones I know.
I know how it goes, I am on day one of stong Opana and Oxycodone use, I have been fighting this fight for too long, I got sober for a while before I and know that your out of the woods and if you stick to controling your thoughts you will be ok, your thoughts control your emotions, so control those thoughts to control that rollercoaster! that always helps calm my nerves, reserve to purposely thinking nothing for five minutes at a time if you have to, it really helps me. Who am i to talk tho, i know how hard it is, I am in a dance with death myself, Withdrawals have plagued my life for over 3 years now, stay strong!! AS will I!
Let me just tell you, you are doing awesome!!! You are an inspiration to me, as I am on the same path you are on. I found myself a sponser who has helped when I really want to use! I also work in life and death as a ER nurse and I went back last week... It was he'll!! I was only six days clean and I was " wonderwoman" on the pills. But I got thru two 12 hour shifts so I know I can do it and you can too!!! Sorry to ramble but I am so proud of you!!!! Here for any support as I need it myself very often!!
You will be able to do the job again - I used to wonder that all the time.
Was I good at my job because I took a pill to handle the stress? Would I be able to perform again at work like I used to before the pills? I remember those questions to myself very well!
And YES you will be able to do the work again. And better than you ever did while high on those pills. I am a hell of a lot smarter at work now (of course I could always GET smarter!! lol) but my decisions are well thought out and sound. No more making promises you can't keep because you think you're "super woman" (what a totla joke that was) - so I am here to tell you that YES - work will be good again.
And congrats on the 11 days!!! :)
Was I good at my job because I took a pill to handle the stress? Would I be able to perform again at work like I used to before the pills? I remember those questions to myself very well!
And YES you will be able to do the work again. And better than you ever did while high on those pills. I am a hell of a lot smarter at work now (of course I could always GET smarter!! lol) but my decisions are well thought out and sound. No more making promises you can't keep because you think you're "super woman" (what a totla joke that was) - so I am here to tell you that YES - work will be good again.
And congrats on the 11 days!!! :)
Wow talk about a moment of weakness. I just wanted to let everyone know I didn't use. Day 11 and going strong. Well I guess not strong but I haven't used so that counts for something right?
In the past if I started feeling that way I would have just popped a pill. ESPECIALLY at work. If a caller annoyed me or a coworker upset me, I would pop a pill! The night I wrote this I felt SO trapped. I didn't have the option of popping a pill and I couldn't handle the emotions of that. The morning of this post, I went to my therapy appointment. I cried while I talked and all those emotions steam rolled all day until I became the sobbing mess above. I'm not sure how I got through this but I did. And I'm still clean. Thank goodness.
Tomorrow will be my real test. Off to work I go. I feel a lot of emotions from my callers and I've always been an empath. But I just keep telling myself I worked that job for 7 years without vicodin so I must have been able to do it before. I just need to find that person I used to be.
In the past if I started feeling that way I would have just popped a pill. ESPECIALLY at work. If a caller annoyed me or a coworker upset me, I would pop a pill! The night I wrote this I felt SO trapped. I didn't have the option of popping a pill and I couldn't handle the emotions of that. The morning of this post, I went to my therapy appointment. I cried while I talked and all those emotions steam rolled all day until I became the sobbing mess above. I'm not sure how I got through this but I did. And I'm still clean. Thank goodness.
Tomorrow will be my real test. Off to work I go. I feel a lot of emotions from my callers and I've always been an empath. But I just keep telling myself I worked that job for 7 years without vicodin so I must have been able to do it before. I just need to find that person I used to be.
Debbie is right - you're emotions were hijacked while you were taking the vic. That FOG that you are experiencing is part of the transition that you are making and is common experience amongst folks who are fighting to retake control of their lives. It's important that you tell yourself this, and that you try to focus on all of the positive things that you have going for you in your life. Also, people become so accustomed to feeling strong and try to convince themselves that they are, but the truth is sometimes we need to allow ourselves to decompress - awareness is a powerful thing. I get emotional as well - off vic since 8/11 - but each time I reflect and realize I'm one more day into my recovery I get a sudden surge of energy. Keep on posting.
sarah,
honey the emotional roller coaster is another part of the detox process. your emotions had been on hold. your "feel good" brain chemistry hasnt healed yet. it will. you are not broken.
yes you will be cleared headed again. please try to be patient. you are doing great. you are opiate free. this emotional phase, this too shall pass. keep looking up. time will be your healelr. when you go to work you will be fine, you will be busy and you will do just great. you wont have time to think about your emotions. please get out this weekend,get some sunshine, take your son to the park, go for a bike ride, go swimming, go for a walk, go to the beach. you are heading in the right direction. you are on the road to recovery. pray and ask the LORD to give you peace like a river, so it floods your heart, mind,soul, body and spirit. the dreams or nightmares are also very common. this too shall pass. your senses, your mind, your emotions are all waking up after being asleep and/or numbed from the pills. keep the faith. keep running the race. i am very proud of you.
sending you many hugs and prayers
debbie
honey the emotional roller coaster is another part of the detox process. your emotions had been on hold. your "feel good" brain chemistry hasnt healed yet. it will. you are not broken.
yes you will be cleared headed again. please try to be patient. you are doing great. you are opiate free. this emotional phase, this too shall pass. keep looking up. time will be your healelr. when you go to work you will be fine, you will be busy and you will do just great. you wont have time to think about your emotions. please get out this weekend,get some sunshine, take your son to the park, go for a bike ride, go swimming, go for a walk, go to the beach. you are heading in the right direction. you are on the road to recovery. pray and ask the LORD to give you peace like a river, so it floods your heart, mind,soul, body and spirit. the dreams or nightmares are also very common. this too shall pass. your senses, your mind, your emotions are all waking up after being asleep and/or numbed from the pills. keep the faith. keep running the race. i am very proud of you.
sending you many hugs and prayers
debbie
I know exactly how you're feeling! I'm only two days behind you and am working 9-5pm each day. My job consists of being chipper and interacting and accounting. Today was rough with the exhaustion and the feeling of wanting to cry.. but i'm home, i didn't use and i got through it. Just like you will. We just have to get used to working at our jobs without being high. The bouts of depression are purely mental and i strongly believe they will subside. Have faith and stay strong!! xoxo
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