Aa
Day 21
Ever be in a room full of people and feel so alone?
Ever wish you could walk away from yourself or your own thoughts?
Ever have everything you need but feel you have nothing?
Ever feel like your world is falling apart when life isn't as bad as it seems?
Thoughts in your mind can make you wish you wasn't around.
So how do you remedy these so called emotions you think you have no control over?
Nobody that i know can say they haven't even felt one if not all of these!!
I have no real point behind this post but I do have this to say.
If we sat and pondered on any of this instead of giving it up to our high power (mine is who I call God) and allowed these things to take control of our most inner thoughts, then this to me is a slow and miserable death. We will allow our past to take hold of our thoughts and keep it from allowing our future to take place, this stops us from doing what we know is the right thing. My right thing to do is stay free from what holds me down and that is pills.
I allowed pills to take control of my life to the point I have felt everything above.
I've taken my first baby step towards walking in the (right)eous path. I see the light ahead.
Today I may have woken up depressed but today I sat and woken up for the first time in a long time. I felt all the above was me, I felt everything I asked.
I know it has been a hard road, one I walked to get here where I am now and don't want to walk it again.
I see I'm not alone in this room, I can't run from my thoughts, I know I have everything I need to get through this, my world hasn't falling apart because I'm still here. Today I give this to God because he is with me, he has you all with me.
Thanks for allowing me to jot my random thoughts down called my life.
I will make it, you will make it and we c a new make it together. All we have to do is keep trying.
((John))
Ever wish you could walk away from yourself or your own thoughts?
Ever have everything you need but feel you have nothing?
Ever feel like your world is falling apart when life isn't as bad as it seems?
Thoughts in your mind can make you wish you wasn't around.
So how do you remedy these so called emotions you think you have no control over?
Nobody that i know can say they haven't even felt one if not all of these!!
I have no real point behind this post but I do have this to say.
If we sat and pondered on any of this instead of giving it up to our high power (mine is who I call God) and allowed these things to take control of our most inner thoughts, then this to me is a slow and miserable death. We will allow our past to take hold of our thoughts and keep it from allowing our future to take place, this stops us from doing what we know is the right thing. My right thing to do is stay free from what holds me down and that is pills.
I allowed pills to take control of my life to the point I have felt everything above.
I've taken my first baby step towards walking in the (right)eous path. I see the light ahead.
Today I may have woken up depressed but today I sat and woken up for the first time in a long time. I felt all the above was me, I felt everything I asked.
I know it has been a hard road, one I walked to get here where I am now and don't want to walk it again.
I see I'm not alone in this room, I can't run from my thoughts, I know I have everything I need to get through this, my world hasn't falling apart because I'm still here. Today I give this to God because he is with me, he has you all with me.
Thanks for allowing me to jot my random thoughts down called my life.
I will make it, you will make it and we c a new make it together. All we have to do is keep trying.
((John))
I feel aftercare is going to be important for me, I've seen to many signs and it seems I have a clear mind after I leave the meetings.
I had a better afternoon than the past 2 days.
I have to work this out, I have to prove to myself I can do this. My kids need this as much as I do
I had a better afternoon than the past 2 days.
I have to work this out, I have to prove to myself I can do this. My kids need this as much as I do
Plow, I can't agree more w/ my pals Gnarly and Motye. There is a saying "stick w/ the winners." There are folks on here, and in your meetings that have some clean time and are sane and knowledgeable. Those are the peeps you want to listen to.
As for that above post: anyone who comes on here, that you've never seen, who may not even be clean,and tells you that you don't need aftercare/meetings and continues to insult it...that's someone I would be very wary of.
As for that above post: anyone who comes on here, that you've never seen, who may not even be clean,and tells you that you don't need aftercare/meetings and continues to insult it...that's someone I would be very wary of.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Im so glad that gnarly came back on with that "elequent" reason for why aftercare is usually necessary. I wanted to come back on immediately but my response was more like **** ***.....but i realize we"re not supposed to do that.
All o can tell you Plowboy is what worked for me....i have my life back, im content (most of the time, lol) and have been clean for almost 19 months....somethings working...
All o can tell you Plowboy is what worked for me....i have my life back, im content (most of the time, lol) and have been clean for almost 19 months....somethings working...
Hi the first thing about addiction is you are powerless over it you can try will power but that wont keep you clean long you need a progam like N/A or a/a to work to live in recovery those that choose to do it themselfs come back time and time again we see it all the time aftercare what ever type is critical to recovery please dont try to tell people that they can do it alone on strong will it rarely works
......................................Gnarly............................
......................................Gnarly............................
Guess it lingered on into today. Just like to sleep through it but that's not happening neither
Please don't relay on a supposed external "force" to help you with your addiction.
YOU are the only one helping YOU. And you have enough strength on your own to kick this thing.
But, whatever works for you, I guess. Good luck to ya, man.
YOU are the only one helping YOU. And you have enough strength on your own to kick this thing.
But, whatever works for you, I guess. Good luck to ya, man.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I can totally relate to that constant reel of ******** that runs through our head when we detox and get clean. It seems as if there's nothing we can do to turn it off. However, if detoxing was easy.....we wouldn't be here. Gnarly is right....it's not a drug thing, it's an addict thing. It's an addicts brain disease, b/c we just think and process things differently.
Your being forced to come back to reality (that's how I like to look at it)...and it's been awhile since you've been there. When I first detoxed I decided to do the N/A 90/90....b/c my brain was like a wet mop....it hurt to think....so what better than to surround yourself with people like you, who know what your thinking and how you feel, and can help put a positive message in that brain. It felt like for the 1st month I was there everyone was specifically talking to me!!!! And I felt actual brain relief from going....just a thought as to how to make it better. Keep pushing forward...never looking back!
Your being forced to come back to reality (that's how I like to look at it)...and it's been awhile since you've been there. When I first detoxed I decided to do the N/A 90/90....b/c my brain was like a wet mop....it hurt to think....so what better than to surround yourself with people like you, who know what your thinking and how you feel, and can help put a positive message in that brain. It felt like for the 1st month I was there everyone was specifically talking to me!!!! And I felt actual brain relief from going....just a thought as to how to make it better. Keep pushing forward...never looking back!
Hey welcome to the addicted mind....I often say this is not a drug thing it is a brain thing .....we used drugs to settle our thoughts and now clean you have to deal with all this negative thought process or life on lifes terms this thought process is amplified but coming off the pills and will get more manageable with time your new in the progam but the progam is the answer to taming the brain once you go threw the 12 steps it will be a lot ezer to deal with it never goes away completely but you will learn new skills on how to cope with it keep pushing the meetings get a sponcer and start working the steps try not to ''future trip'' live in the now and if the now s ucks just know it will get better keep posting for support.....Gnarly
Yea the thoughts are the worst for me, I want to keep my mind clear. Learning how is the only thing I know that will help me stay free of pills
hang in there bro those deeeeeep thoughts of despair will eat you up do your self a favor and don't focus so much just look at things in broad terms this time in your recovery will pass you are doing great have a good day and best wishes.
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