Oxycontin Abuse and Re-Lapse

[evoduality]

Ok been here before but this time it seems a lot harder and the light is very dim at the end.  Its been 2 and a half months since I relapsed into Oxycontin Abuse and the withdrawls are worse than they have ever been. I went to a detox program for 5 days and since I have gotten out I have used only once and I felt so guilty from using it that i started to get ill and violently puking all night, so i knew I cant use again but the withdrawls are so intense, that I can barely think....  Week II and life is an absolute ******* nightmare.... I dont know what to do, and I dont wanna use but I literarlly feel death breathing on me... I am just so tired of being an addict, useless ******* junkie .... I am not gonna use but this depression add a little bit of violent puking, muscle cramps, diarhhea, migraine, stomach pain, back pain, restless legs, really bad chills and sweats and I am almost ready to hang myself..... nobody understands and nobody can help... question really is what the **** do I do at this point nothing seems to work

[wanttobeclean]

I'm going to say a few things that may seem harsh...First, stop the pity party...put on your big girl/boy panites.  YOU CAN DO THIS!  You may feel like you have it worse than anyone ever has, but you don't!  We have all been where you are now.  And if you really, truly desire sobriety, you will get through this. But you have to want it more than anything.  And no one can answer that question, except you.  You know the statistics and the truth.  Your addiction will eventually kill you...your life will go the same predictable way that all active addicts lives go. You'll gradually lose everything if you let the addiction win.

Do whatever it takes to get through these days...and DON'T USE.  If you need more help, get it!  We all were extremely resourceful when it came to getting our drugs.  Be just as resourcefull at finding what you need to stay clean.  If it means getting up right now and finding a meeting, DO IT.  If it means calling someone or even going to seek emergency treatment, DO IT.    

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad..but it wil pass.  IT WILL.  

[TurningANewLeaf]

Hi, I just joined last week.  I was taking the fentanyl pain patch.  I am going into day 7 right now.  I just started the vitamins Sunday night and the Epsom salt baths.  I would rock in my rocking chair.  Walk around the house.  Try and watch a movie on tv.  Anything to make the time go by.  Minutes felt like hours.  I feel your pain.  I am starting to taper off taking vicodin every 6 hrs.  I went and saw my chiropractor today.  Going back tomorrow morning then off to the health club to soak in the jacuzzi.  I would also read other people's stories and see how they have gotten over their pain.  I am so sorry you are going through this and no one understands. :(