The rest of the story

[Jenelle2020]

Hi everyone it has been a long time since I posted. Some of you will remember me, I was on methadone for a long time and came off in the middle of March with no problems. I have not had any cravings to go back on methadone but I have had HUGE problems since coming off and as I sit here today I am still very sick. You see while I was on methadone I was on a few other meds, oxycodone for 3 years but only at 20mgs/day and never ever raised that dose. So then I decided I wanted off the oxycodone and it was BRUTAL! I tried tapering and I know this sounds silly but even cutting 5mgs made me so sick. I don't think this was the whole problem though as I had been on clonazepam and Immovane ( Zopliclone ) too. Also the doctor had added some Zeldox (Geodon ) because of increased anxiety. Anyway after the methadone I started cutting all my drugs, cut the clonazepam to less than half and cut out the Zopliclone, apparently I did everything too fast. I was feeling horrible for months and started getting horrible anxiety and wicked thoughts, depression, no energy or motivation, just didn't know what to do with myself. Went back to the doctor and he put me on Nabilone so I could sleep, was on that for 3 months and the side effects were horrible so I dropped it cold turkey. My nausea was so bad he put me on Maxeran which I only took for 2 weeks as it had bad side effects too. Anyway, I dropped it all but they told me to at least stay on the clonazepam which is the only drug I am on now. I have to tell you I have basically been sick since March and after dropping everything I went in to the most horrible withdrawal ever! I have never been so sick in my life. On the third day after dropping everything I went ballistic! No kidding I went off the wall, I was screaming out loud and kicking my legs all over the place and told my husband and sister to call an ambulance, I was way out of control and it lasted for a long time, felt like I couldn't breath and the nausea was unbelieveable and I felt like I could not take it one minute longer! I recently read a post of Teri's and I see she went through the same thing. Anyway I have been off all these meds for at least three weeks and I am still very sick! The mornings are horrible, the nausea is still so bad, and I feel that horrible withdrawal craving in the pit of my stomach. The cravings are ridiculous and I have a lump in my throat and really scary thoughts keep popping in to my head. It has been a little over three weeks and there are signs of improvement but I am having a very hard time handling my life right now, I have no interest in doing anything , nor do I know what to do with myself. I am wondering why I am still so sick at this point?? Sorry this is so long, I wanted to post before but just couldn't do it. Thanks for listening, I look forward to any comments on this.

[Teri9498]

Hey Jennelle, I've missed u & thought of u often!!  So sorry u r going thru this!..happy u got off the methadone!!..after I was 3months clean from the methadone I kept having bladder/kidney pain which I just attributed to methadone withdrawal, finally ended up going to the Dr & after a couple surgeries found out I have IC which is a bladder disease w/no cure..so needless to say I was put on an extremely high amount of oxycodone & oxycontin.I got so tired of the pills, so I decided to get off, first got off the oxycontin & just the last month was trying to taper the oxycodone, a couple of weeks ago I stopped, OMG the pain was so BAD!!..had to go to the ER twice, my Dr don't care & hasn't helped me in the least.  All he wants to do is give me more pills!!  Well I couldn't stand it anymore, went back to the Dr & he gave me a few hydrocodone to take...I have been soooooo SICK!!!..I seriously feel like I'm dying, haven't ate hardly anything in 2wks, have thrown up soooooo much, & the anxiety is something I've never felt before...I've only taken the hydro just 1 when the pain is bad...but I'm just going to go for it again in a couple days, & stop the hydro...I puked my guts out all night!!..I'm so weak & sick!..I feel for u, & know EXACTLY what ur going thru!!..I've lost so much weight in the last 2wks from not eating & throwing up, that I really can't afford to lose much more...I'm struggling w/this soooooo BAD ...I would do 10 methadone withdrawals compared to this EVIL oxy!!!...when u get a minute PM & we can talk more...hang in there sweetie BC I KNOW!!!!...sending u comforting hugs!!....Teri :)

[Jenelle2020]

Thank you for responding Vickie and weaver, yes I am still getting out for a walk, it was total torture to do it today and yes weaver I am taking vitamins, although I am having a hard time keeping hydrated, I don't feel good when I eat or drink anything

[VICourageous]

Oh Girl..I feel for you and I am so sorry..You have been having such a hard time. I also am still feeling a bit sick in the mornings..I know we are not PG..Ha!!!  Maybe it is Hormones or just that we did some Damage at our age and it will take a lot longer then if we were younger. I was told to give it at least 2 years..Well I sure hope you can see a bit of light becasue you sure do deserve it. I will be returning your PM soon. Like you, I have bad & good days no matter how much I work around here or do some kind of exercise. Just remember that I feel it is all becasue of these Evil Drugs..I will keep praying for you and YOU are not walking this ALONE..lol

[weaver71]

I put a rut in my yard pacing for over a month. It is scary. Time is standing still and your heart and mind are worried, am I right? Know it is all your head and it will pass. Are you still doing vitamins and getting some exercise?

[Jenelle2020]

Bumping this up hoping to get some encouragement, not doing well at all and I feel scared, very sick today.......

[Jenelle2020]

Hi everyone, I am just posting for some encouragement, it has been 4 weeks now and I am still so sick! I feel so nauseous and I and scared! I feel like crying all the time and even though I am on clonazepam I still feel so nervous and scared and have really scary thoughts and I feel like this is never going to let up. I don't mean to sound like a wimp but I am having a really really hard time handling this. Mornings are the very worst! I almost hate to get up but if I lay in bed things just get worse.  I know you told me that I need time but this is really scary stuff! I don't know what to do with myself, I just pace around the house, no interest in anything. I make myself go for a bit of a walk each day but it is torture.

[Jenelle2020]

Thanks vickie, I am glad you responded, after reading the responses I got I have to admit I am fearful this is going to last a lot longer than I thought. I am sorry I haven't got back to you but it just wasn't the right time , was too sick and I know you are struggling with your own stuff. Will PM you soon.

[VICourageous]

I have been wanting to PM you now for many weeks now..Just have had a lot on my Plate..I am glad to see that you posted and still pray that things are going to get better..It is your turn to PM me you know..Ha!! I know how hard this has been and I sure do feel for you..I do think it is to much of a mix or was. We have talked about this alot..So I just want to wish you the best and we will talk some more..I miss you..Let us know how you are doing down the line. I am here and I know it takes me awhile to get back..Sorry. BUT Honestly you have been on my mind every day hun. I will get back with you..lol
Bless

[weaver71]

Really good to see you continuing to reach out. Evolver has a good point of your maintenance drugs plugging your pain brain. It sounds like you are getting similar symptoms I had from high dose methadone detox. I wasn't sure sanity was gonna return. I decided to take what others said on faith. I didn't feel it, but decided I was gonna heal. It took me about 10 months to feel good enough. I will never stop healin, because I'll never stop growing. Hang in there my friend. You know the drill, nutrition, mental and physical exercise for the rest of our lives. Many of us who posted on this went through many agonizing months and are still seeking even more answers and support, especially me. At least we got to know each other and ourselves over it. We can and are healing. Growing pains hurt, but we are bigger people because of it. Keep your hope and surrender to he process, it will be worth it.

[SmilingBright]

I hope you are able to enjoy your thanksgiving dinner tonite my girl.  And the cruise too!!  You deserve it!!  
Love ya Chris

[Jenelle2020]

WOW! I am so pleased with the responses I have gotten so far, I have already learned so much! Here I was thinking that I have been off everything except clonazepam for 3 weeks and couldn't figure out why I am not feeling better! You people have given me lots to think about! My family thinks I should be over this by now and I feel badly that I can't show them I am not better by now. I now realize this is going to take time and maybe a long time. The nausea is the worst ( and the cravings ). Mornings are the very worst! I fall asleep at night for about 2 hours and as soon as I am awake the nausea hits BIG TIME! I know I should be drinking lots of fluids but for some reason I have the hardest time drinking water. I was drinking Ensure for a bit but it nauseates me even more and sits like a lump in my stomach. Also I have had HUGE salt cravings, nothing remotely sweet has appealed to me for a long time, which is okay I guess.I have been living off mostly mushroom soup, yogourt, cottage cheese and eggs. I am starting to eat a half decent dinner, fish and chicken and steamed veggies but it is still hard to get down. There are things I am scared to eat as I don't know what exactly my digestive tract can handle at this point. We are having a Thanksgiving dinner tonight with all the fixings but I will only be able to eat what I can. Hubby and I are going on a cruise to the Caribbean on Jan 18th and I sure hope I will be up for that! Anyways, thanks again everyone, I really appreciate your help!

[clean_in_ks]

It's REALLY good to hear from you, Jenelle!!  It's no wonder you've been SO SICK.  I'm relating to you in a lot of ways.  Ever since I initially got off 3 drugs at once that I was MAJORLY abusing 15+ months ago....I have continued to struggle with either a start-up or discontinuation syndrome of one prescription drug or another.  I can finally say I am totally off ALL prescription meds for the first time in MANY years.  My tracker/tickers (if they were visible to all) look like a dang bingo card to me...LOL

That being said, the methadone and oxycodone are brutual in and of themselves.  The clonazepam dose "reduction" obviously played into your experiences, too, plus that drug's MOST common side effect is weight loss.
The zopliclone not only is a controlled substance, but depresses and tranquilizes our central nervous systems.
The geodon is an atypical antipsychotic; the nabilone is synthetic cannibus; and the maxeran (metoclopramide) inhibits the action of dopamine.(and I need all the dopamine I can get...lol)  Patients who take antipsychotics are NOT recommended to take metoclopramide.
Girl....it's no wonder you feel like sh*t!!!  Your neurotransmitters, entire nervous system, GI tract on and on have been on a rollercoaster ride.  

I have found thru all my research as my dr "suggests" yet another drug, that it takes weeks for a drug to build up in my plasma and neurotransmitters to "become effective" and just as dang long to get "free and clear" of it.  I now have 90 days off the last prescription drug (a tricylic AD) that was "suggested" to help me get functional due to my very high pain levels.  

Do you know I had the WORST nausea these past 90 days.  Like every waking hour, my mouth juicing like I was gonna puke....and all kinds of other "discontinuation syndrome" side effects.  Hard to function at all like that...and the side effects were bad for me going on it....AND getting off it.

I don't know about you girl, but I'm deeply researching ANY and ALL meds before I agree to put them in this body that is so desperately in need of healing.  
All that to say, staying on the clonazepam is a good idea right now.  You should stabilize and gain some appetite once all the other drugs have cleared your system.  We just have to weigh the side effects....do the research....and decide for ourselves as recovering addicts if we want to be messin with our brain chemicals when they are trying SO HARD to heal and regulate.
That may be WAY more than you wanted to hear....but the cocktail of drugs you've been on since March has jacked with you MAJORLY.  Be good to yourself....I know you'll gag on the word TIME....but truly, I've been hangin on by a thread many, many days....awaiting my healing.
Yours will come.....and so will miine....thank you for coming back on and letting us know how you are doing.  I'll be thinkin of you....
Connie

[EvolverU]

Jenelle, what you're saying sounds really familiar. With me (& quite a few others I've known) M'done slows down the metabolism. When we come off -- your thryroid revs up again. I lost an incredible amt. of weight & also had a bad gut for months. (Make sure to keep hydrating!!!) I only started to put it back on at about 7.5 mos. (I'm glad you're forcing yourself to eat!) I spent 1.5 yrs. tapering off M'done but it was still hell. I think you'll find (if you talk to any of us long term M'doners that it's pretty much par for the course for it to take quite a while to start feeling better. Remember, you're actually experiencing both the M'done & Oxy w/d's [which are pretty much the same thing!])

Two mos off the Oxys? I'd say with your history & the anxiety/stress & the M'done w/d's as well -- that what you're experiencing is pretty normal. How's your sleep these days?

Hey, if you've got an iffy stomach, coming off that benzo would definitely make it worse. If you're legitimately prescribed it for severe anxiety, it's probably best to stick w/ it while you're engaged in this stressful battle. I hear you on the AD's. They never worked for me either & I experienced the same 'numbness' you describe. (They don't work for everyone.) Again, it's great to see you.

[Jenelle2020]

Hi Annie, thanks so much for the response, I am still on clonazepam, I was told not to go off it and I know I need it as I have always suffered from severe anxiety starting with growing up in a very dysfunctional two alcholic parent family. I mentioned that I was trying to cut out my clonazepam as I thought it wasn't working anymore but I realize now that I need it. I have done alot of different therapies for it during my life but I have a really nervous stomach and it takes very little to get me worked up. I really don't mind staying on this to keep me at an even keel. I have thought about an antidepressant but been there and done that, gained so much weight on it and it made me feel numb and my husband was not impressed. As for the oxycodone I have been off that for about 2  months now and by the way I do agree with you that it did factor in to my methadone withdrawal, even though I took 3 1/2 years to taper off of it. Also I don't know if you saw my other post which I posted in the question section instead of here by mistake but I have now lost 31 pounds so far through this and still have to force myself to eat.

[OxyTired]

On the positive, you have been off everything for three weeks! Ten years ago I came off a heavy Xanax abuse, stopping some psych meds as well. It took me a long time to "come back." I couldn't even eat at a restaurant for months my anxiety was so heavy.
It comes down to having faith that you are moving in the right direction and a sincere desire to be pill free. I still have some difficult days now at 100 days clean from oxycodone. I am facing issues now that I have ignored or covered up with booze and drugs for years. Each day I try to make just a little more headway.
Patience is hard sometimes, I want to be well right now. But I spent a lot of years getting here with my booze and drugs. Now I realize it might take more than a few weeks to completely undo the years of damage to my mind and body.
At the end of the day, I know I am heading in the right direction, even if my thinking is muddled or anxious. Good to hear from you! Keep coming back, the people here are great and know lots about every step of the way to freedom from pills.

[EvolverU]

HI there Jenelle!! It's so nice to see you &I'm really glad you posted. Here's my read on your situation (& please let me know if I've got it wrong!)

While it may have seemed that the M'done w/d was a breeze, the fact is that you couldn't really tell because you were still maintaining on an opiate. Withdrawal is withdrawal is withdrawal. When you add a benzo to the mix, well, that just complicates matters. My hat is off to you for sticking w/ this Jenelle. I know it's wicked hard. (I'm at nine plus mos. off M'done & a short benzo stint & my sleep is still really iffy & the cravings don't go away -- ever!)

Can you tell us when exactly you dropped the benzo & the Oxys? That would help to see where your at..Also, have any of the symptoms eased at all? I mean, are you sweating & sneezing less for example? Thanks! With you all the way, my friend. Hold Fast!

[SmilingBright]

My goodness my friend!! In so sorry you have been going through all of this.   Hopefully you are almost through w these horrible wds.  Praying for you.  As you know I'm tapering off of the dones again.  
Praying this gets easier for you my friend.  I'm sure someone w more knowledge will come along. Love you always.  Big big hugs Chris