Deal with His addiction...

[LindsayNJ]

My fiance has come forward about his addiction to Percocets, he's been using for over 2 years now.  He started because of kidney stones and has moved from a few 10mg's a day to 3-4 30mg's a day.  He completely stopped paying the mortgage which is now 7 months behind.  Every cent he earned went to buying Percocets.  

I tried to support him by helping him wean, but couldn't deal with it.  He asked me to hold his pills until he needed one.  He would wake me up in the middle of the night, frantic, looking for them.  If I didn't give him one he would freak out and it was just too much for me to handle, so I had to stop.  

I've threatened to leave with our 8 month old daughter, but he gave me a guilt trip saying "you really think that will help me?" so I stayed...

The other day he suggested rehab.  He said if he can't kick the pills by his birthday (May 29th) then he would check himself in.  I agreed, but if he doesn't go to rehab *AND COMPLETE THE PROGRAM* then I would leave with our daughter.    This is if we can even get him in somewhere, he has no insurance and rehab is pricey.


Any help here? I'm at my wits end. I track his calls and it kills me to see that he's sitting home feinding for pills, calling hundreds of people a day, second after second, trying to get high.  He lies to me about everything, tells me he didn't get paid so I won't ask for his money, he lies about where he's going, who he talks to....what makes it harder is that EVERYONE around us either takes or sells prescription pills.  It's getting ridiculous.  I should suck it up and turn everyone in....

Anyone else with a similar situation? Did you stay or leave?  I feel that I need to leave for my own well-being.  I can't worry about what he's doing and how much he's spending.  If I take our daughter atleast I know she'll be safe....will it be a wake up call for him?

[LindsayNJ]

Aww thanks, I hope he does well with this.  He has said time and time again that he loves his daughter and I to death, but knows he has to do this for himself.  The thing I like about this program is they only give scripts for 6 pills at a time, so on the 7th day you need to attend your meeting to get more.  I know many people abusing Suboxone and paying entire monthly rent payments by selling the script. By having such few pills at a time helps eliminate that a bit and it keeps you going to the meetings if you need more.

[moonshyne]

I'm glad he has taken the initiative. I also have an 8 month old - and a 19 month old. Those lil angels are my inspiration for getting clean. I'm only on day 6 but feeling a little better. You'll be in my prayers :)

[LindsayNJ]

I wanted to give you a brief update of his status....He decided that waiting until the end of May was not the best idea.  He detoxed himself with Suboxone for 2 weeks out of state.  Since he's been home(the 2nd week in May) he has been doing well.  He has admitted to slipping up twice after having trouble finding Subs.  I did some research and found an outpatient facility in the area and had an intervention of sorts with him.  He has decided to go!   His appointment is tomorrow and will begin the complete detox, counseling, psychiatric evaluation and medication monitoring he needs!

He tried to do it on his own and I supported him, but this is what he really needs.

[HACIMROXY]

Of course the OBVIOUS answer is going to be: Leave Him.  

But, that isnt going to happen, I'm sure. If leaving him was that easy, you would have been gone a long, long time ago. Obviously, you love him. You all have a baby together. Live together.  Leaving, no matter what, isnt always the best thing to do nor the easiest...especially if after he gets clean things go back to normal.

The problem you are going to run into again is trust. Say he gets clean May 29. Say he stays clean for a bit.  You telling me that everyday you are with him from May 29th and moving foward you will honestly think that he is just doing so great and not doing drugs and wow u almost left him but thankfully didnt.  It won't happen. Everyday, in the back of your mind you will wonder if he is being honest and clean.  That's the hard part for the non addict to go through.

If it were me, I would stay with him. See what happens May 29. Then, after rehab see how you feel. You may resent in while he's in rehab and your feelings may change for him anyways.

[10356]

Everyone around me is falling into addiction.. Even more reason to protect You and your daughter..By turning in all the drug users and dealers.. Do you really think that would stop his addiction ? Your sister gave up her child to use.. when an addict.. Your first love is your drugs.. when I was doing heroin.. if I had a cell phone a couch to sit on and food in my stomach.. I do not think I would have ever gotten clean.. It took me loosing much to get clean... You see the effects of drugs all around you.. Love is blinding is it not.. I hope the love for your daughter out shines the love for her father.. as addiction drags down everybody that has contact.. including other addicts.. The quit date ?? In my opinion just a put off.. I do not mean this to sound harsh.. just realistically speaking.. I'm very sorry you are getting hurt through this.. but sacrifice a mother must do sometimes.. when he gets clean he can always show you.. till then.. do not enable him anymore.. I wish you and your family well.. lesa

[LindsayNJ]

I know that everything he's doing is not really him, but the drugs. That's the only thing that keeps me there. I keep hoping that one day he'll stop, but it kills me to know that I can't determine when that day will come.  And what's even sadder, my sister is battling an addiction as well, but has left her 7 year old daughter with our parents and is out doing her drugs..she said she likes them too much.  Everyone around me is falling into addiction.

[dominosarah]

Dont be real hard on yourself where the lack of trust and believing him comes in.  It is okay to feel the way you do and you have every right to feel that way.  It is normal.  Trust takes a long time to rebuild.  Addiction affects the whole family and that is why it is so important that you take care of yourself first.  It doesnt mean you have given up on him.  Keep talking with us........many of us know both sides of the addiction......sara

[LindsayNJ]

As far as the cell phone goes, our phones are on a family plan in his name, but I pay the bill every month. (We still keep a lot of our money seperate, I pay certain bills, he pays others.)  I've thought about just not paying the cell phone bill and eventually his would shut off because he wouldn't pay the bill.

I am an enabler, I recognize that. I'm always making excuses for the things I do.  With him saying he'll go to rehab makes me want to hang on, and I know when the time comes I'll probably hang on longer....The one thing I will say is when he has no money I will not give in to him.  If he needs gas or smokes I will take his truck to get filled or buy a pack, never give him the cash..I learned that from my friend who was a heroin addict...she eventually hit bottom and got clean, but  that's a whole seperate story.

As for the mortgage, he got behind and was overwhelmed with catching up and eventually gave up..thanks to new modification laws we're getting that fixed now. I don't know if I could ever leave him, I don't think I'm ready. I say I want to, but worry that it will make him worse...what I really want to do is #*($&(*^@^# the living *&#(*@ out of him until he stops!!! lol
That and turn everyone in I know contributing to his addiction.  They are battling the same thing he is, but if it helps knock a few people off the list, why not?!

[LindsayNJ]

His birthday is a deadline, he just came forward last month.

He has tried Suboxone, but with no insurance it's hard to get..and even more expensive buying on the street.(which I don't condone, either)  

He says he wants to stop, but it's impossible for me to believe him.  I want to believe him when he says he's gradually coming down, but I don't know for sure.  He is home most of the day unless he has work (he's unemployed doing landscaping on the side, but not on a daily basis.) I can't stay home and babysit him because I have a fulltime job.  He claims to have taken a half a 30mg today to take the edge off, and by the sounds of his attitude, I want to believe him..he's always very edgy when he doesn't take them.

[dominosarah]

This is a tough call......either way there is going to be alot of pain.  I too dont understand the quit date of May 29th.  That will just add one more month of being behind on payments.  He is making tons of excuses now.  Who pays for his cell phone?  If you do i say shut it off.  You in no way can enable him right now.  You need to take care of yourself and your baby.  Will it be a wake up call if you leave??  I cant answer that but i do know how an addict thinks as i am a recovering one.  Until he is ready to really get off those pills there is nothing you will be able to do or say.  I am afraid when the quit date comes around the next reason he cant go to rehab will be no insurance....Please just take care of you and the baby......keep posting and let us know how it is going.....sara

[road2recovery]

I would hate to say leave him, but after reading your post again, it doesn't seem like he wants this...SO i agree with lisa a big wake up call...with that many phone calls, He doesn't want to stop...Having a mortage that is 7 months behind is still not enough for him to just stop....I think you need to take care of yourself and your daughter...
My husband didnt' leave me, But i WANTED to stop....I was not still calling dealers etc....Also try and remember that these drugs are very hard to come off of, but not impossible....there are many options out there, but he has to want it...Waiting until his birthday sounds like a poor excuse ...
So sorry you are going through this, we can try to give you as much advice as we can!!
god bless
r2r

[liscamdave]

It will be a wake up call for him. Let me ask this, why is he waiting until his bday to stop? Or is that just  a deadline? How many times has he tried to quit? Has he ever thought of suboxone? Feel free to Private message me for more info.

Lisa