How do I do this alone?

[brooktaylor]

I have been taking percodan 15's every day for like 6 months now. I don't have any real pain, I just like the way they make me feel. Well, at least I used to. Now, I take them more to avoid the pain of withdrawal than anything. My friend that I get them from is out of town on vacation & I have run out. I am dying!!! Hot flashes/cold sweats, upset tummy (TMI, sorry), and I feel like my legs are running their own private marathon! No one in my family knows I have this problem so I have to keep it together and don't have any sick time accrued at work to take off. What can I do to get thru this without being found out? My husband will leave me if he finds out! Please, any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!

[Comingclean2012]

Everyone is different and handles their addiction differently too! How I handled my situation by telling my husband worked for me. You know your husband and his quirks better than anyone on this website so you do what you feel you need to concerning your relationship! We are not here to judge you just to support you when you decide enough is enough of the drugs! I'm sorry you had a relapse but MANY people " try" to quit before they actually succeed! Don't be too hard on yourself it happens more often than a lot of people care to admit! I was clean for 11 plus years and relapsed! You can beat this if you want to! When you are ready to try again we will be here for you! Good luck and hope to hear that you are ready to try again soon! Keri

[brooktaylor]

Your comment was a little weird. No, we dont have any kids but we have been trying very hard for 8 years now. Nothing has worked. And no, I don't plan on leaving my "perfect husband". I love him and cant live without him! Because he is a police officer in this very small town that we live in, I know he wouldn't understand and will be very mad at me for doing this. I know lying is weak, but its what I have to do. Maybe one day when I have gotten passed this I will be able to confide in him. Please don't think bad of me.

[brooktaylor]

Thank you for checking on me, you are so kind! I am embarrassed to say that I got some vicadins from my sister in law who had a c section last month. She had stopped by while I was sick the other day & I told her I was having a migraine so she left me the whole bottle. I know I shouldn't have taken them but lord help me, I just cant stand the withdrawals! I am planning to try again next week when my husband is in his work block. That will give me time to get my supplies together and be more prepared. I have been reading all the stories here and I am so hopeful to be just like all of you...successful!

[omhome]

do  you have children? Are you planning to leave your perfect husband who will always need you to be Strong not weak--the perfect "little woman". Dump him.
    You tell him and see---you could be wrong----and the Strength is to tell the truth--that's hard--0-lying is weak. Try it. It may save your relationship.  omhome

[Comingclean2012]

Just checking in to see how you are holding up! The next couple days are going to be the worst more than likely so STAY STRONG and post often! The people here really care and we have been where you are so we know exactly how you feel! Good luck sweetie and hopefully in a week you'll feel like a new person! Hugs! ; )

[Brightfutureahead]

Also- wanted to add, if you really do want to quit,  it's very hard to do alone. Without some support you will feel so alone and be less accountable. Do you have a friend, dr, etc who you can confide in? At first, I always thought I could do it alone. It never worked. Ever.

[OpenMind24hours]

Welcome Brook, I've been there, just visited in fact. I walked around on "opiate maintenance" for 3 years off and on. I worked my freelance business, went to family events and to everyone, everything appeared normal with me. My supply came from a prescription along with some of my wife's and friend's stash. I do have pain but used mostly for my brain. Loved the energy! My problem began when I started needing more and more to keep everything appearing normal. We build up a tolerance to opiates if we take it every day, and it takes more just to feel normal. Then, just like you, I ran out 6 days before I could refill. And nobody had any to "donate" to me. So, to make a long story short, I have 51 days clean now and plan to keep on keeping on this course. Opiates quit working for me. Not using it any more has become the easier softer way for me. I go to aftercare along with this site for support.

You'll have problems with sleep, sleep when your body lets you, no matter when. I used alteril and valerian root for sleep aids rather than any of the drugs like TylenolPM. Those just add to misery.  Keep posting, we'll help any way we can.

[Brightfutureahead]

Hi there :) Do you plan on going back to using when your friend returns from vacation?

[cleanguy]

I used the flu excuse and it worked... this time of year everyone is sick. Keep yourself hydrated, lots of hot showers, ensure and all the Thomas recipe stuff will help so much. Muscle through it and keep moving as much as possible. Hang tough!

[brooktaylor]

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it! I have most of that stuff here already, the immodium, benadryl, and I saw somewhere else that epsom salts help. I think I will use the flu excuse, that sounds good. I understand what you mean about being truthful with my husband, but there is no way he will ever understand! He has no tolerance for weakness and would leave me in a heart beat! This just ***** so freaking bad! I really think I'm going to die! It is a relief to have somewhere that I can spill my guts to people who understand and have been there! Thank you again so much!

[Comingclean2012]

Wow girl you are in quite a pickle! I don't think it's possible to go through withdrawal of any kind without your spouse figuring it out. If I were you I would tell him but if that is out of the question then you could just say you have the flu. I don't think that is the best way to go as you should be truthful with your hubby, just my opinion. I am on day 24 clean of fentanyl and the things that helped me most were Imodium, melatonin, multiple vitamins, b-complex & believe it or not lots of benadryl! The Benadryl helped to take the edge off the anxiety, didn't fix it completely but did help. Also hot baths for the aches and pains. I also was a closet addict but decided to come clean with my husband even though I feared he would leave and take my 2 small children with him. He DIDN'T and surprised me by being the strength I needed to get through the worst. Don't underestimate him. Good luck I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted, we want to see you succeed!