Do you want to be my De-tox friend?

[intothedarkagain]

Hi everyone,
I am not sure I am a fluke or what. I have a very special habit. For the last few months I am experienced what I would call a total downward spiral. My dose was about 300-500mg of oxy snorted daily. More if I could get my hands on it.
That’s how much it took to feel normal. I haven’t got a buzz in months. I am trying to fight the dragon. Needless to say I have a problem. I doze out in public, with friends; I have run out of excuses. I fell asleep and crashed my car. I have officially become a danger to the community.
I have de-toxed 37 times in the last 10 years. Each one of them hold a special place of misery in my heart. Yesterday I started my 38th time.
Every time it feels worse than it did before. I feel like am going to die. I am afraid to seek help because what it would do to my reputation. Not that falling asleep in public doesn’t get the whole thing away.
Does someone want to be my de-tox friend? That is what I need right now.
I feel like I am going to die.

Sincerely,
quickdraw from oregon

[bucksfan]

Hey Bud
Yea I am 26, my habit was not that strong so I dont know if you should seek inpatient. I will say that you need to find something you want to quit for. Keep that thought in your head at all times. For every craving think of something peaceful. I bet it is really hard to have no support and for that I am sincerely sorry. Only my fiance knows and she doesnt even think its a big deal. I kinda of play it down. My only support was and is this site. So please keep posting and reading. No you are not alone. If you get back on the sub asap and stop the narco then you may not pee dirty. I have never tried Sub b/c I thought it was subsituting one addiction for another but again your dosage was much higher than mine. I am happy you have met someone knew remember things happen for a reason. I promise you that once you find something you want and sit back and look at the beauty of life getting over cravings has been a breeze. I have massive debt as well boat cars, credit cards and houses. I have 0 dollars in savings because my entire savings was in stocks and well lets just say they plummeted to pennies. I am quitting smoking, major depression,quitting a pill habit that has spaned over 4 years and switching careers all at once. I was so afraid I had the perfect storm brewing and began suicidal thoughts. On my second day i woke up and felt someone or something there. I have never gone to church so trust me when I say I couldnt believe it. That morning when I cut the tv on a song came MTV Jams which happened to be the channel my fiance had it on from last nite. The first lyrics were dont worry about what you dont have in life, be thankful for what you got, just live your life. I dont know how to say but Music has been the biggest help in my recovery. It gave the motivation to get on the treadmill that morning and since that song played I have not thought once about next months bills. I trust in my destiny, in my new career that I will succeed. Now that I beat these things back all at the same time, what can I not do? I want to go work 70+ hours and do things with friends and family as much as possible. With that said my energy is not back yet so I am still in a rut but the key to it is that I am mentally prepared. If you can get past the WD's I promise you that the light at the end of the road exists, or that the grass is greener. I am still having the WD symptons but I have found my smile, my laugh and bit by bit, minute by minute I am finding myself. That kid on the ballfield, that son playing volleyball with his father and a boy kissing his future wife for the first time. I truly believe that I will appreciate the small things so much more now that I have experienced this more than I did if I had not. As I said my friend you are not weak, you are the strong one. Thou shall I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil......
BucksFan

[jt808]

u couldnt of said it beter i dont kno what im running from either i thnk i got thngs pretty good ya kno i dont kno why i do what i do and have been doing sine forever. **** i have been doing somethn since 13 yrs old im now 25 gota get it together. i knew u two were good people to talk 2

[intothedarkagain]

man you make it hard to post.
You should be an author.
I find strength in your words.
I am going to leave again and go out and try to find something beautiful.
You have no idea how helpful you are bucksfan.
Sincerely,
you west coast friend.
Joshua From Oregon

[bucksfan]

I am glad bud and to be honest english was my worst subject in school. I have always been a math whizz. But when you are sincere and write from the heart then it bleeds over to the reader. Thank you so much for telling me they are helping. If you only knew how many times peoples writings have helped me here.
Your East Coast Friend

[jt808]

thanks for ur words i really needed em i gota stop thnkn bout sht it makes me crazy and the other girl well she left me saturday after she talked with my ex so its been even harder the last few days being home and havn no one. but im glad for this site there truly are sum good people on here to take time out for peole u dont even kno and help then it blows my mind. well good luck and stay strong...

[bucksfan]

Same to you man, if you need to talk just post and I will look for ya!