Aa
Do you want to be my De-tox friend?
Hi everyone,
I am not sure I am a fluke or what. I have a very special habit. For the last few months I am experienced what I would call a total downward spiral. My dose was about 300-500mg of oxy snorted daily. More if I could get my hands on it.
That’s how much it took to feel normal. I haven’t got a buzz in months. I am trying to fight the dragon. Needless to say I have a problem. I doze out in public, with friends; I have run out of excuses. I fell asleep and crashed my car. I have officially become a danger to the community.
I have de-toxed 37 times in the last 10 years. Each one of them hold a special place of misery in my heart. Yesterday I started my 38th time.
Every time it feels worse than it did before. I feel like am going to die. I am afraid to seek help because what it would do to my reputation. Not that falling asleep in public doesn’t get the whole thing away.
Does someone want to be my de-tox friend? That is what I need right now.
I feel like I am going to die.
Sincerely,
quickdraw from oregon
I am not sure I am a fluke or what. I have a very special habit. For the last few months I am experienced what I would call a total downward spiral. My dose was about 300-500mg of oxy snorted daily. More if I could get my hands on it.
That’s how much it took to feel normal. I haven’t got a buzz in months. I am trying to fight the dragon. Needless to say I have a problem. I doze out in public, with friends; I have run out of excuses. I fell asleep and crashed my car. I have officially become a danger to the community.
I have de-toxed 37 times in the last 10 years. Each one of them hold a special place of misery in my heart. Yesterday I started my 38th time.
Every time it feels worse than it did before. I feel like am going to die. I am afraid to seek help because what it would do to my reputation. Not that falling asleep in public doesn’t get the whole thing away.
Does someone want to be my de-tox friend? That is what I need right now.
I feel like I am going to die.
Sincerely,
quickdraw from oregon
dude u got some real cleaver words no joke! and yea it really is true 180% so true so true, what day are u on i forgot what u were at thnk u said almost 2 rite? cornerback huh nice...so none of ur friends no about whats goin on with u? havent came clean with anyone
Good move on turning off the phone.
You don't need anyone right now but yourself,
and someone who is fight the same fight.
I can't be around my friends because they
will totally know something is up.
It is hard enough for me to talk about this
problem of mine with you, and I can't even see your faces or hear your voices.
(I don't know if the second part of that is right.
I swear I can hear you talking when I read what you write.)
I am turning my phone off as well.
Just me, the fire, the piano, and you guys
We have a little bit of a trek ahead of us JT808.
You better dress in layers:)
Joshua From Oregon
And yes we are going to rewrite the book as soon as we get done refocusing all of our obsessive energy on something productive.
They aren't even going to see us coming.
p.s. (I have always thought this:
Satan works harder in people like us.
We are too valuable.
We, (the 180 percenters) move mountains and guide the flocks.
If he has us, he has everyone who follows us.
You are not doing this only for yourself, but everyone who is standing in your shadow).
linebacker?
Really?
I was a cornerback.
Rock and roll.
You don't need anyone right now but yourself,
and someone who is fight the same fight.
I can't be around my friends because they
will totally know something is up.
It is hard enough for me to talk about this
problem of mine with you, and I can't even see your faces or hear your voices.
(I don't know if the second part of that is right.
I swear I can hear you talking when I read what you write.)
I am turning my phone off as well.
Just me, the fire, the piano, and you guys
We have a little bit of a trek ahead of us JT808.
You better dress in layers:)
Joshua From Oregon
And yes we are going to rewrite the book as soon as we get done refocusing all of our obsessive energy on something productive.
They aren't even going to see us coming.
p.s. (I have always thought this:
Satan works harder in people like us.
We are too valuable.
We, (the 180 percenters) move mountains and guide the flocks.
If he has us, he has everyone who follows us.
You are not doing this only for yourself, but everyone who is standing in your shadow).
linebacker?
Really?
I was a cornerback.
Rock and roll.
ha, that a good way to put it just add another scare i got plenty of em. and 26 miles i thnk ill stick to may a lil less than that.lol. im a linebacker here ill do like 4/5 for now. but i get what ur sayn all we gota do is just focus or obessive energy on good and there will be no stoping us we will b like machines i kno this cause its in our nature and way of thinking... im just turning the phone off itd b ringingt off the hook esp. being friday so just me my music my pup and this site. for a few days. and yea i heard that its somethn like 90 days for the dopamine to start comin back i thnk, and i cant wait for that ya kno.
Yes...another 180 percenter.
It is so great though.
Face it like a man...darn straight..
because that is what you are right?
I think every thing is going to be really lame for a little while.
I have to finish reaping the harvest that I have sowed.
At least I am planting food this time around.
not disaster.
Church. Yes.
Physical. Yes.
I think you should sign up for a marathon of something.
I was thinking about that.
i haven't ever tried to run 26 miles, or whatever it is.
I think I need something to fight against.
Something that gets my Dopamine rushing again.
I heard it is going to take us about 3 months before
food, sex, and laughing hit the right part of the brain.
I don't get the same buzz out of any of those things anymore.
I figure if I hit something that hurts me really bad, then I will be helping the process along.
you shouldn't have a problem admitting you are an addict.
You should, if you haven't already, read bucksfan's post above on
how we aren't the weak ones,
That really helped me.
YOu shouldn't feel ashamed, or bad at saying that.
Think of it like a really big, really awesome looking scar.
It will be a really cool story to tell in a few years to your new friends.
They are all going to be like "oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that. You bet junk and lived to tell about it" oh my.
It will go on and on.
I can hear it already.
Joshua From Oregon
It is so great though.
Face it like a man...darn straight..
because that is what you are right?
I think every thing is going to be really lame for a little while.
I have to finish reaping the harvest that I have sowed.
At least I am planting food this time around.
not disaster.
Church. Yes.
Physical. Yes.
I think you should sign up for a marathon of something.
I was thinking about that.
i haven't ever tried to run 26 miles, or whatever it is.
I think I need something to fight against.
Something that gets my Dopamine rushing again.
I heard it is going to take us about 3 months before
food, sex, and laughing hit the right part of the brain.
I don't get the same buzz out of any of those things anymore.
I figure if I hit something that hurts me really bad, then I will be helping the process along.
you shouldn't have a problem admitting you are an addict.
You should, if you haven't already, read bucksfan's post above on
how we aren't the weak ones,
That really helped me.
YOu shouldn't feel ashamed, or bad at saying that.
Think of it like a really big, really awesome looking scar.
It will be a really cool story to tell in a few years to your new friends.
They are all going to be like "oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that. You bet junk and lived to tell about it" oh my.
It will go on and on.
I can hear it already.
Joshua From Oregon
yea the thought man they consume me and that why i go back each time to just stop thnkn cause i have sooo many bad thought that i just ruined alot, but enufs unuf thnkn bout the bad stf its ove and i gota deal with like a man not a coward and hide behind a bottle of pills.... and plans for the long haul i def agree with the physical and man u hit it rite on the head everythng i do is like 180% i go bals to the wall weather good or bad i kno no limits so if i focus my energy on good like exercise and stf like that. ive never been real relegious so mayb that as well i have tried the na i should really giv it a fair shot tho i have a hard time mayb cause i hate to admit what i really am and that a dam addict.
I have been thinking a lot in the last few days.
I have the same thoughts you do. What I should have done. What I could have had. Etc. They circle in my head like little car crashes.
Flashing in my brain and keeping me from sleeping.
That and the fact I feel like I have an ant farm under my skin.
I have a plan though.
2 plans in fact.
I have taken some of BUCKS advice and I am making a list of things I can't do.
I am going to start at the top of the list and work my way down.
The second part of my plan has to do with filling the void.
At first I am going to fill it with physical activity.
I am sure if I hit is as hard as I hit the dope, I will be on a new plain in no time.
See that is the cool thing about addicts.
We don't know when enough is enough.
Sure that applies to drugs, but it applies to every thing else as well.
We are the people who set the boundries of what is possible.
I feel like I am doing that with whatever I do.
I hit it as hard as I can, and I don't stop when everyone else does.
Don't think of it as a weakness.
It is in point of fact, our superpower.
JOshua From Oregon
Do you have any ideas for plans on the long haul.
I am in the process of stealing any good ideas.
I have also heard church and NA work really well.
THis is my NA
I have the same thoughts you do. What I should have done. What I could have had. Etc. They circle in my head like little car crashes.
Flashing in my brain and keeping me from sleeping.
That and the fact I feel like I have an ant farm under my skin.
I have a plan though.
2 plans in fact.
I have taken some of BUCKS advice and I am making a list of things I can't do.
I am going to start at the top of the list and work my way down.
The second part of my plan has to do with filling the void.
At first I am going to fill it with physical activity.
I am sure if I hit is as hard as I hit the dope, I will be on a new plain in no time.
See that is the cool thing about addicts.
We don't know when enough is enough.
Sure that applies to drugs, but it applies to every thing else as well.
We are the people who set the boundries of what is possible.
I feel like I am doing that with whatever I do.
I hit it as hard as I can, and I don't stop when everyone else does.
Don't think of it as a weakness.
It is in point of fact, our superpower.
JOshua From Oregon
Do you have any ideas for plans on the long haul.
I am in the process of stealing any good ideas.
I have also heard church and NA work really well.
THis is my NA
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