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Does this urge ever gonaway?

I used to use meth intravenously. I've been to prison and all that fun stuff. I haven't used a needle since 2006, shortly before I got out of prison and right before I met my wife. She is very straight and never done anything worse than weed. After I got out of prison I have gotten married and had kids. I've worked very hard to build a nice family and life. My wife knows everything about my past. What she doesn't know is I've been stealing her adderall behind her back for years and I hate it. We've built our relationship on trust and communication. My addiction has just still got a hold on me in this weird way. Its the one secret I have from her. So because of that, I believe my total freedom from meth has been greatly hindered. I'm very careful when I steal them and always eat and go to bed. I haven't had any in a few months because we can't afford them. This isn't my main problem though.

My main problem is I still get strong urges to go out and shoot up again. Movies and music will easily trigger me, depending on my mood. I just had a bad one today. I guess my question is will this urge for a better high, for needles, ever go away? I hate it. The one thing that stops me is I don't want to ruin this beautiful family I've worked so hard to build with my amazing wife.
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Avatar universal
Hey, that feeling is awful isn't it. I still think about " the good old days " that weren't so good. I reminisce in my head almost everyday about using. What stops me from wanting to use again, is the thoughts of like you, my family, no money for food or rent, and the fact I would wake up so so sick in a heroin withdrawal a
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Avatar universal
I expect that we all have times when the urges to go back are strongest and just like when we were using that slick mind trick of "just one more time" tries to take over.  Just in the short amount you told us, I can tell that you are a very good man - a good man who takes speed then goes to bed for some reason :-).  Anyway, you know that the riches you have can be destroyed by picking up that needle again.. God's grace saved me, after I almost completely destroyed my beatiful family, my career, my finances. Giving control of my addiction to God did two things for me. It ended the fight and it filled the emptiness I was trying to fill with drugs. It looks like prison saved you once as a younger man. You are too smart and too good to lose it now. Wishing you all the best and praying for you this morning.
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Avatar universal
Sorry phone went flat. And I used to use meth to but the depression from 7 days of not sleeping from Benders was by far the worst side effect. It does take a while for the urges and thoughts to subside, but then it will get less and less over time. Then you will wake one morning and the thoughts of using will be so far from your mind. Meth is one of the harder drugs to stop because it's not going to make you withdrawal so people kind  of forget why they stopped. The needle is another addiction of it's own, but if we can stay stopped, our lives will remain a blessing forever. Never forget what drugs took from you. Good on you for not giving in.
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Avatar universal
Back in the day meth was one of my main drugs of choice. I love what it did, but hated the crash. To me the crash was so bad it wasn't worth using it. But I used drugs to live and lived to use like most other addicts. The truth is, once we cross that addiction borderline we're addicts for life. We've completely lost the ability to control the use of mind altering drugs. Only complete abstinence can make us and keep us normal. So, I go to NA. Along with helping me make a complete change in myself and my thinking, it helps me to accept my addiction and live life on life's terms. Sometimes I think of using but today I don't have to use. We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean. To quote my NA basic textbook: "We may feel good some days and bad on other days, but we are addicts every day.  But today I have the choice to be a recovering addict." My addiction will always be lurking, ready to test me, so I hang out with other addicts in recovery. The recovering addict is my addiction's worst enemy.

Keep posting, learn all you can. Today you've made a positive choice about stopping that craving by simply coming on this forum and posting your question. Keep moving forward.
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Avatar universal
Meetings AA or NA will be your lifesaver. Yes you have the urge. You have not acted. I have slways read that meth is one that doesn't let you go. You can be right back there again.

So pkease, find some meetings and start going. They will help kerp your head straight. And wuit using the Adderall. Even if you don't tell your wife, just stop. You may feel wd's but at least you won't have the guilt. You meed a good support system right now. Just remember what you have right now. You will lose that all. It is mot worth it. When you get an urge, go play with your children. Their faces will be your guide. Keep going.
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