Each relapse is Harder, & Harder to cope

[hiding288]

I am noticing, that each time I have relapsed, it gets harder and harder to cope with the depression, and anxiety.  Just trying to find the courage to fight again is hard.  Im now trying to see into the future, because I feel so bad, that I am wondering if I will truly get my life back, my mind, and soul.  My joy???  It seems soooooo far away, and possibly maybe not going to happen???  I pray it is, and I pray that I can get this right this time, I am soooo sick of this ****.  I just dont know what to do with myself, this is pitiful.  I do know if I dont get up and get outta this depressing *** a** house I am totally going to lose my mind!  Which I know with my thoughts right now, I probably have, and just too honorey to admit it.  Doesnt matter, I feel like I have anyhow!  Look like it too.  This is the sadest shape I have been in ever!  Will I heal once again???  I know I sound crazy, but that is exactly how I feel.  Im gonna fight though, I just need to know that I will heal once again, and hopefully for the last time with this mess.  I have us all in my prayers, this is just nasty.

[Pat1956100]

I found that once I had made the decision to quit, I could never be happy again until I did.  I think we also learn each time that it's not easy and that's why we get so depressed.  What we thought was going to be a 5 day battle ends up being much more than that and harder than we ever dreamed.  Each time we relapse we do learn something that makes us stronger though.
I know that I'm not going to be happy taking pills either.  

[kyle505]

Free said it...you are getting closer to recovery. I failed for 15 years. Seven months ago I was at a point where I couldn't look at myself in the mirror (true - no drama intended). I had to stop BUT I could not imagine life without pills; how could I ever have fun, feel content, be active, interact with others at social events, enjoy vacations, be the funny, always up father to my children, etc., etc. Well, I'm here to tell you that life is wonderful without meds; every day, good or bad, is a joy. And the natural high you get is sooooo much better, and lasts longer, than anything you've ever experienced on drugs. I too was in the sadest shape ever in all my years of using, but I DID heal, I DID find my joy, my life, my mind and my soul. And a whole lot more.
Now, you have to stop dwelling on the negative - you've said it, it's out there so let it go. Set it free if you will, and get to work getting clean. Most importantly, don't make the same mistakes. You know what needs to be done; keep your body nourished, hunker down for three or four days of crap, cut all sources to pills, and when you're through with the physical detox, get after care. Time will pass no matter what you decide to do. So, doesn't it make sense to start the process now, and four days from now you'll be over the hump? Right?

[Free2agoodhome]

That just means you're that much closer to long term recovery.

Soon you will stop fighting. Just surrender. Surrender to the fact that somewhere somehow........ (no important)  you became dependent on opiates. (I'm no different). If I take opiates I will abuse them......guaranteed. From there my life will go to shi_ . I've proven that to myself.

I want you to know it takes a lot of courage to dust yourself off and go at it again.....

Maybe tweak the recovery plan a little ?     ask how...

You will make it...you're not alone and you're worth it.

Free~

[Bearclaw2]

I just wrote a post about this very thing to NeverDreamed, please read it and see if it helps you. It's under the thread titled... "This is the hardest post i've had to write. I'm back at Day 2~"

[ang_811]

It gets harder n harder to Make it back each time and that's if We are lucky to Make it back. Try only focussing on today bc that's all We have. The depression got worst each time I came back. It has gotten better as I gave it time. When ur n that dark place it helped me to do the opposite of what I thought I should b doing. It was hard but I found when I did that I felt a lot better afterwards. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep posting for support.

[Sonrissa]

Hi hiding! Yes, it Definately does get more difficult each time we go through this! It also gets more difficult, the older we get!  Don't give up, you can do it! I just wanted to send you support and strength! Keep posting!

[waterLilly7]

it's hard. it's worth it. You willl be where I am, free.

Can you tell us some more, how much, how long?

It seems so dark now, but there is light, I promise you.

hugs,
Lily