Just a little support needed

[saddie6]

I have been reading posts in this forum for a long time now. I've realized so much in coming to terms that I am an addict. Addiction doesn't care who you are, what your job is, how many degrees you may have as it effects us all the same. I've just finally reached the point that I'm ready to break this cycle once and for all and know that in order to get different results, I have to take on different directions. I hate to say I'm a pro at handling and going through W/D's but I am, and after getting through this last round I'm making it my last. I'm 5 days clean and have my first appointment with a therapist today to take steps in seeking aftercare treatment as I know I need help handling the mental aspect of it all. I stopped to pick-up my daughter from my parents yesteday and spotted my mom's bottle of those evil yellow norco's just staring me in the face and I experienced the push and pull of wanting to just throw them straight in the toilet as well as taking every last one of them. After we left it took me a while to compose myself after all that but waking up today I realize what a huge victory it was in this for me as I could have easily grabbed a few. So I guess I just could use a little support as I continue on my journey to beating this. I know I also need to advise my doctor to not give me any more scripts and cut off my other ways to get them. So overall I think I know what I need to do and now it's about doing it finally!

[SunnysideUP27]

Just keep on pushing thru. You know that the physical is almost over at this point and the mental will creep thru and stay for quite some time. Just keep on pushing because life is awesome on the other side. It is a tough journey but anyone can do it if they put their minds to it. Good luck and stay strong. Caving in only prolongs the process.

[conhall]

Hi and welcome to the Forum,
Congrats to you on 5 days clean.
You said you are a pro at handling Wds.
what were your triggers before for relapsing?
Aftercare is so important . I have tried NA and It wasnt a fit but I have found a private counseling group small in size 4 people and it helps me so much.
everyday isnt great but I just push through all the anxiety and cravings and with the help of My Group meetings and taking the steps i need I will stay clean.
Letting your Drs know about this and pharmacy's and friends and family will help alot also. You have to cut off the Pill source because that lil voice will whisper in your ear Just take one you deserve it just one pill isnt going to hurt you and then the cycle starts over again. :(
Please keep posting you will get lots of support on here from people who have been clean for a long time and also people that are going through the beginning part also. Just know you aren't alone and you are right Addiction doesn't discriminate degree or no degrees money or no money everyone is a Target for this. Stay positive and you can beat this!

[saddie6]

Thank you both very much. Thankfully I'm past the WD symptoms as mine based on how I used and when were up to 4 days and then I'm good. Sad I know it that well!

conhall - I start to feel better and get 10-15 days in and that is just about the time I get a call that more are in and I have never said no. That addict mind bargains saying you can control it this time and just take a few now and then when I know I will just blow through them until they are gone. So using aftercare this time and focusing on getting better each and every day I have no doubt I can make it this time.

[conhall]

I would get rid of those pill sources You have to! Its so hard I know because you maybe dont want to burn those bridges but as you said about 10-15 days in you get a call and its just so easy to say just a few i have been doing so good. Its a never ending Cycle make the step to change it!
Red Flag yourself with Pharmacy and Drs. and friends and family.
If You take this HUGE step you will get past those 10-15 days and everyday it gets easier and yes you will have days even 2 months in that you just Crave I do i am battling that now but I hold my clean time sacred You have to You have come past the first week day by day you will get through another day. i will share a one line sentence Sara shared with me and I actually told another person this in a post. I wrote it on a post it and put on mirror
"That is why we say getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard one....."

[weaver71]

I feel you are on the right track. Once one realizes they need help, that is when the truth becomes more real. Some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas, but the result was nil, until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with opiates, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. I'm glad you are hear and trying something new, you will get different results. Good luck and keep us posted.

[kyle505]

conhall offers some great advice...
You mention that your mom has Norco. One of the three steps (in my opinion) to getting and staying clean is telling friends and family that you are an addict. You have to tell your secret; if you don't, you will relapse behind it. It was a very difficult and embarrassing thing for me to do, but surprisingly most of the people I told had a pretty good idea as to what was going on. Your family and friends will be an important part of your support system down the road. (You're already working on the other two steps - cutting all sources and getting after care). Good luck. Keep posting.

[Fireby29]

I want to add to what Kyle said with a very, very relevant story.  I was 56 days clean, most since 2009, but I had not done what Kyle said.  I had not yet made it absolutely clear to my parents, specifically mom, that I was a addict.  I said I didn't want anymore, etc, but it was not enough.  I had turned them down a couple times in the 56 days, but on that day of 56 I used.  I had a bad day taking my Dad to the doctor, and she offered.  Next thing I know I have the bottle and used for 10 days.  Here I am at day 45 now, and I think I have repaired that final step.  I told my family I am a addict, so now docs, dentist, pharma, an yes, family knows.  Your doing the right thing, just protect yourself and tell everyone.  Good Luck.

Bryan

[saddie6]

Yeah as much as I don't want to tell my family, doctors, friends, I realize it's a necessary step to really put this all behind me. That is pretty much the same thing the therapist told me yesterday as well so certainly some relevance to it.

Again just wanted to thank everyone for their support and kind words as you don't know how much I appreciate it. It feels great to be understood and not judged. I have to say just telling the therapist last night I'm an addict was tough but in the end felt good.

So onto another day and ready to continue on this path.

Thanks again.