Methadone Taper

[crystal_blue_eyes]

Hello, I'm hoping you can help me. Five years ago I got introduced to OxyContin by my doctor for a back problem that causes me a lot of chronic pain. Long story short I became badly addicted and at my height snorted about 200-300 mgs of oxy a day. After several cold turkey attempts that lasted a few months clean here and there I ended up on methadone once I tapered off suboxone only to once again fall back into addiction 6 months later.

I guess I gave up hope of ever being able to stay clean. It's been 10 months on methadone now. I take a total of 40 mgs a day split into 2 20mg doses (works better for pain that way)

Here's the thing. I'm sick of it. Since starting methadone my sex drive is gone. I have no feelings. I used to listen to a song and could be moved to tears by it. I had emotions and now I feel like a plant. Over the holidays my dad was in hospital very sick and I failed to pick up my methadone. For three days I went without and was very sick needless to say BUT I found that despite feeling awful my feelings began to come back. I felt desire, I felt the music when it played (music is a passion of mine..or was before methadone and opiates in general.

I miss FEELING! I know it'll be hard but I really want to get off this crap. My husband and I have had sex maybe 5 times in 10 months. He's frustrated understandably but I can't help it. On methadone I have no desire whatsoever. I miss feeling alive. I'm scared though. I've endured enough withdrawls to know what I'm in for. Meetings aren't my thing and I need to find a way to stay clean once I get there. That's what's always led me back..just thinking "one" won't hurt and having very little support.

Anyways, I am planning on starting a taper. I've already gone from 50 mgs a day to 40 in just a week. After I missed those days I told the doc I wanted to try staying at 40. So far so good. I know it'll take some time and plan on dropping 2 mgs a week from here on in and when I get low enough I'll just jump.

Any support or suggestions would be great. I have 3 kids under 5 and want to get off this crap so my kids have a mother free of this awful, numbing, soul stealing drug.

[crystal_blue_eyes]

By the way, some of you may remember me by my old name, "sad woman" I lost my login info so changed my username to something a little less depressing.  I haven't been on since I had my son. He's now a 10 month old, very healthy happy breastfed 28 pound baby! Yup, he loves to eat ;) I've missed you all!

[Andie015]

The key here is that you are sick of it. I have been on pain pills...20 to 30 a day for 13 years and I just reached the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. I just didn't have the energy to keep myself supplied anymore and I couldn't deal with the mental torture anymore..and I don't use that word lightly. If you are trying to quit when you really aren't ready it's not going to work...when you have admitted defeat...your time has come at least it did for me. I'm not far into my sobriety but I'm not ever looking back...I've wasted too much of my life. You sound ready to bite the bullet and go with it....you've done it before and you can do it again.

[Andie015]

Also, I have 3 young kids as well and that's a real challenge using or not....it just gets so much easier when all of the junk is cleaned out of your system and your mind...good luck!

[Bubulous]

Hi and welcome back,
Don't know about tapering but wanted to give you a reply.  I always say it is hard to make love from the outside looking in.  When your using you pretty much live your whole life from the outside looking in.  I remember not getting anything from music and forcing myself to make love to my wife.  I never wanted to but if she initiated it I usually wouldn't stop it though sometimes I did saying I am sick or I ate too much tonight.
I am listening to music now and have been all day while I have been on here.  It, to me, is one of the greatest gifts I have gotten from my sobriety.  Hope you get it back soon.  Good Luck!   Didn't know you from last time but it was nice to meet you.

[Jenelle2020]

Hi there, congrats on deciding to get off the EVIL methadone! I am on it myself and have done a really LONG taper, now down to 7mgs a day and dropping 1mg every 10-14 days depending on how I feel. You are not on a huge dose so you have that to your advantage, but the withdrawal still can be pretty bad, especially if you were to go cold turkey. I think you have a good plan going down 2mgs/week, you shouldn't feel much withdrawal doing that, if you do I suggest you lower it. One thing about methadone is that it has such a long shelf life, stays in your system for at least 36 hours, so when you drop your dose you may not feel it until 2-3 days later, if you are going to feel it at all. The best advice I can give you is to go SLOW!!!!  It's hard doing a slow taper because we just want to be off this stuff asap, but it just isn't worth rushing it, why make yourself sick if you don't have to. You are doing a great thing for yourself and your kids. Please feel free to message me privately if you choose, I may be able to help you. Otherwise, please keep posting for support and to let us know how you are getting along. I wish you all the best in your taper.