Fail....

[Kelseago]

Crap.....i was gonna avoid this but you guys prob understand. I was having a good day. I was being productive...unpacking, cleaning n such. Well i found 20 of my "little friends". I held them for 30 mins going back n forth to the trash. I failed.....i took 3 feeling great at first but now the guilt comes. I kept telling myself look how much energy you have!!  You can get the whole house unpacked!!!  I know I messed up. I'm waiting for my husband to come home and dreading having to tell him. I will though, too much trust has been lost by my addiction

[Kelseago]

Thanks Imdone...i'm trying, trying really hard. I've always been this way. I guess that's why I went to drugs in the first place. They made me happy, like myself, outgoing.  I can do it though, i will do it...

[Kelseago]

Omg sorry abt the repeat posts...my phone is being weird. So i wrote again. Sorry!

[ImDONENoMore]

Please don't be so hard on yourself.  We ALL make mistakes.  You've recognized them and have learned from them (which many people whether they're an addict or not DON'T do).  That is the absolute best you can expect from yourself.  Be kind to you.  :)  p.s. everyone deserves another chance.

[Kelseago]

Thanks you guys :). Eyes congrats on your 70 days!  That's amazing!!  I'm glad to see I'm not alone with my rambling. It really is very liberating letting this all out. You're exactly right on the lieing. My worst screw up with my husband he was just mad I lied. I was with another man (to obtain drugs) and he was more that i lied to him about it. He knew why I did it, which disgusts me to this day.  I am just now getting to where I can truly open with him. It's just not how i was raised. I was raised in a strict italian family where you only aired your problems in confession. I started out by just writing him letters, i'm just not good at talking aloud. Which is why my first meeting next week scare the crap out of me. Thanks again you guts for your words of encouragement. I can do this.....i have to

[Kelseago]

I don't plan on leaving. It's sooo refreshing to just let it all out. I've never been able to do this before. I'm glad to know I'm not the only rambler. Lol. You're exactly right about the lieing. That's exactly what my husbands has told me. I was unfaithful (so i could score my drugs) and he wasn't mad that I did it. He was crazy mad that I lied and he had to find out smwhere else. He said it hurt him that i couldn't come to him. He knew i was just looking for a way to get what i wanted. I have come a long way with him. I tryto talk to him. I do better writing him letters. That bothered him at first, but he knew it was all i could do. I wasn't raised to communicate. Coming from a sicilian family we confessed to our priest and that was it. I just learned to write things down. My husband almost sent me to an institution when i was pregnant the second time. I was very sucidal. Looking back I'm disgusted with myself. My withdrawls were so bad, but i stayed sober for my baby. He is an amazing little guy. It's hard to stay sober with no baby keeping me that way. Again with the rambling... Congrats on your 70 days!  Thats awesome!

[ImDONENoMore]

You're alright in my book too!  :)  Keep going girl - you're getting there.  :)