Here's what I know:

[newgirl2708]

This is the only place I know that I can say this and most everybody's head in the room is nodding up and down, saying, yep..I know what you mean

Here's what I know:

As I stated, everyone is gone, I'm alone all weekend, tappering keep in mind....however, I have not had a pill since yesterday at 3 p.m. and do not want one at all. I have no w/d symptoms, I'm just not on enough to have much at this point..but once again, I digress..all alone, no one to answer to, no one to take care of....I don't want to use. At All. Isn't that wonderful!!!! I am sooo happy. I don't want to use. No cravings, no nothing. I don't neeeeed it. Or need to..I am 26 hrs clean. First time in years and years.

Fast forward...tomorrow, I have church, a walmart run and grocery run to make, just thinking about having to go do those, I imeadiately want to use so I will feel like doing them. Mind you, these are not optional errands. We have no toilet paper, laundry detergent, dog food and so on...it's a have to go trip...you know, we all do. Don't want to, don't want to, don't want to...but if I take a pill, I will be the best errand runner in town. I will be hap hap happy to do them.

So here's my problem in a nut shell:
The way I figure it, I will never be clean as long as I have to participate in life.

(p.s. no, there is no one else to run those errands for me. nor should there be, i am/should be an adult and take care of my household) shouldn't I?

[newgirl2708]

Thanks for the possitive feedback!!! Knew I could count on y'all!!!

This is so silly isn't it...what the he!! have we gotten ourselves into?? I'm happy to be done with it..hopefully, honestly..

[usarmymedic1]

I now what your talking about but you have to stay with your wish to be clean..

here is what I had to do I was using my meds when I got out of the army and I started looking for work still using going through all the interviews but once I accepted a pssision I decided to quit I had 7 days for the application and back round check the day I stopped I started during the down hill side of the w/d evryone of us had to do something were we would say damn wish I had some just for the energy but it is not worth it all. also at my new job I am around them all the time (pills that is ) now at 17 days I can look at one and say why in the hell did I stay on that sh*t for so long. I hate to be controled by anything and that is what these drugs do are control your life take your life back and tell the pills to F*** off. it is not easy but you have done that now you have to find your way back from the drug. you are doing GREAT AT IT ALL KEEP UP THE GOOD JOB and CONGRATS on the tapper

chris

[newgirl2708]

my name is newgirl and I have a problem.... ;)

[flmagi]

You sound like you're doing great. Keep up the good work and keep posting. Of course, you have no choice but to post since like alot of us, you are now a forum addict.

[newgirl2708]

Okay.....giving myself some credit. Which is a big step for me..I love being the martyr ;) Anyhow, I made it 40 + hrs without anything when I woke up this a.m. I took a dose. My legs were baaaaaddd. Okay, but bad. Haven't had anything since and don't want it either. So since this morning at 6:50 I haven't had anything annnnnnnnnd did my errands. I have one more to do and don't want anything.
Tappering still...Only when I absolutely need it. I'm good with it. Really. I was thankful to have it this a.m. though. Annnnnnnnd when I woke up this a.m. I had forgotten about my errands and church as I was so out of it this morning, so I didn't take it to get my errands and obligations done, I actually needed it...you know. I think thats a big step.

As I'm typing this I'm affraid I'm rationalizing my usage. I hope not as I sincerly don't want or need a dose at all, where I was using just about every hour or so....lets tally:
Since Friday at 3 p.m.  I've taken two pills...
Last 2 years: 2 pills every hour...
I'd say I'm doing pretty good....
I would say tappering is the only way for me.

[Avalancheblanche]

It is good to know that we have all had those thoughts.  I never thought I could do a single, simple, anything without the pills.  The great thing about this place is that the more you talk, the more you know that it will be o.k.  And it is.
I wish you luck.  You are doing great!  Keep posting....Especially when you are feeling an urge.
Take good care

[newmanagment]

id say i would have to make the med help meetings !!

[worried878]

Know the feeling///For me, there are not many days where I do not have to participate in life....and I think that is probably a good thing...so I think I have made the right choice....keep posting

[newgirl2708]

I knew I could feel the 'head nodding' all the way out here on the west..

This is my second month on this site and each and every time I have posted a concern or comment..I am never dissapointed..

Great suggestions, and thank you mostly for your stories of relating what we're going through. That is one of my biggest struggles. Psychological.
So..that's what I know. I am still pill free as of right now, I will keep you posted on tomorrow.

I am on here reading and posting most of the time now. Someone suggested a detox program for gettting us off this site:
My name is ____ and I have a Med Help problem.... ;)
thanks again...

[feohmoon]

Hopefully you do not really believe that.  It won't be long before your false energy will be replaced with the feelings of a genuine good mood...being high on life and energetic just because.  That is something that each and every one of us has the opportunity to achieve.
Yes, those are simple errands that we should all take care of easily - but when you are suffering wd...everything is an effort.  As you know...we all understand that.  But you have to remember that positive thinking really does make a difference...as your diet does, exercise helps alot - enough to do it nomatter how bad it hurts.  There are lots to make it easier....this forum being at the top of the list.  Su much support and compassion here.
You are doing an amazing job...just making the decision to be here is an accomplishment.  Keep it up - you are too strong for that monkey!
If we can be of any help - do not hesitate to let us know.
You will get there if you want to...we all will.  The more challenging things now...the greater the reward later.
Best of luck with the errrands....we will try to send some positve energy your way.  Please keep posting.

[newmanagment]

Sometimes i feel the same way. i had to take the 2 little ones to wal mart today to do grocery shopping.  for almost the same list as you!! at least im not tapering off pills. i feel for ya i do , and as bmc says do what you have to do, but try to stay strong.
i will never be clean as long as i have to participate in life!!! that soo sums up the feeling. but lets keep praying that we will find our way to dealing with llifes stress without being high. much love

[teacher569]

just get a redbull,dont mess it up. ps I thought i was the only one in town running erands light, it semmed to make them easier. ps no wd awesome Teach

[cathy5841]

hey, i totally know where you are coming from, but i promise you will get back to wanting to move on with life.. it just takes time.  your brain ill start to produce thsoe chemicals again.  the endorphines that give you the motivation to carry on with life.  i am 85 days clean now and i just got back from dinner for my moms 70th b/day and enjoyed it.  84 days ago i was feeling yhe same way you are now.  dont give up.  you are doing great, great, great.
cathy

[candy74]

I know how you feel.  The thought of doing anything w/o a pill is hard.  Everything from grocery shopping, watching a movie & going to work.  I think..."how will I ever enjoy life again?"  I guess we have to reprogram ourselves.  I honestly can't remember feeling happy on my own. But the thought of getting healthy & not being a slave to when I'm going to get my next refill is what I need to focus on.Good luck...sounds like you're doing well if you're to the point of not even wanting one...wish I could say the same.

[bmc1976]

First off, great job on doing tapering and going for so long without a pill! You are doing great! I'd recommend just leaving the pills at home and head out. I know it will be difficult, but shopping may just take your mind off of them a bit. But, if tapering is working and you're not taking more than what your taper plan calls for you could incorporate you taper dose before shopping. I'm by no means saying to use! If you can go without, please do. I just know if you have a taper plan and you veer off of it, it can get rough. But if you can make it until tomorrow, you might just want to go cold turkey. Best of luck in your choice and keep going strong! You can do this!
brian