Heavy cocaine use tonight it is 6:20am

[lisasmuts]

Hello all.

To set the scene, I used to have a major coke problem.  I used to get a few g and take then alone in my room.  I would sit in bed , throwing up intoa bucket between lines.

i got over that and genuinely moved to recreational use, one night every month of so I'd have a few lines at be OK.  I kept that ip for about 4 years

I've just relapsed and binged on almost 2g.  I feel dreadful and will not make it into work today.  I'm craving and have 4.5 more grams but have put them away - I got them for friends for a party.  How can I make myself feel better?  Have snorted water to try and stop it eating my nose but i'm shaky and freaking out about work.

I feel so stupid.  

[selfinduced]

Hey lisa, Been there, done that. I'd get the remaining coke off to the intended friend asap before you end up doing that and then have to come up with their money. I'm sure your fine and hope your sleeping, but coke can make you seize at that amount and I'll tell you firsthand it will scare the sh-- out of you. You've stayed basically off the coke for quite awhile, I'd leave it alone. Too tempting if you still have coke friends. Keep posting, lots have been where you are.

[Map1944]

I know that feeling all too well...  Like the others said, don't get down on yourself.  Pick yourself up and move on.
But do you really consider yourself a recreational user if you have a constant amount you use regularly.  Whether its once a month or not.  I think picking up almost 7g is a bit past recreational use.
Not trying to get down on you just trying to make you think...

[Pat1956100]

Glad you are okay and I hope you have settled down and are feeling better.

[lisasmuts]

I'm OK - Still awake and talking to people on the internet.  Have called in sick / work from home.  My boss will be fuming but what can I do now?

[tomskat]

Hi there and welcome. I too am a coke addict. Have been clean for over 800 some days. I know where you are right now. With coke it's the mental part that's the hardest. You can make it through this ok? I suggest saline nasal mist to keep your nasal passages moisturized. Have you been able to sleep at all? WOuld you be able to call in sick at all so you could take the day to recover? Here to help in any way I can,even to listen. Stay strong...

[Pat1956100]

Let me know that you are okay if you are still awake.

[Pat1956100]

Hi lisa
What's done is done.  You can't change it. I know the guilt of relapse but all we can do is look ahead.  Lots of people relapse and hopefully you will get rid of the rest of it and stay clean.
Try and relax and just phone into work sick and get some sleep if you can.
I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad and totally understand.

[lisasmuts]

sorry for spelling errors I'm shaking