Bipolar.....heroin...where's me?

[starshine7]

I was encouraged to put this out...been on the site a year ago feb...

Well I started this journey of drug hell with tylenol. 3 and have ended up shooting mr.brownstone....

It helps my bipolar heroin does...but not me. I have lost about any material means and am broke...

I married a man on here, yes this will be controversial to many. But we are good together and struggle together.

Lately after you know my bio...my bipolar has gotten worse...feel suicidal cause I do want to stop h...but my dealer is like the mafia..perauasive.

No excuses...I am moving to a remote area of cali...no heroin. And my husband btw lol.

Wanna say I love this site...as I hate meetings....I am kinda shy but mania. Takes that away...

Just wanted to do this and to show how fast you can go up the narcotic ladder...peace :-P

[lulu747]

Excellent post.

I hope this poster has gotten the help that she needs/deserves.

I would say you are no longer a moron (not that you ever were, just another human with the disease addiction) and would suggest a moniker change- maybe Clean Warrior (:

Much love and respect...
Lu

[OxyMoron2009]

Hi,

Been a long time since I was on this site and little opportunity right now for internet access but wanted to comment.  GET TO MEETINGS.  I understand you may hate it, I had my reservations, but it works.  Believe me I always felt I could not relate to these people.  Dope does that too you.  After an entire life of addiction (LOL I am in mid 50's), from weed to alcohol to the devil of them all painkillers and benzo's.  300 + milligrams a day for years straight including the bars.  Thought I was functional but died inside.  I am now paying the price physically and mentally, as I went cold turkey, solo, but the haze of that devil is gone.  

There is no choice in life.  Relapse is not an alternative.  Disease, like cancer and getting support is the highest priority or using will never end.  Rehabs try but half the time they pump you with some other medication then send you out to fend for yourself.  It works for some people but dealing with life on life's terms is so so hard.  Reach out to addicts who have been clean 10-25 years.  They still go to meetings, have empathy and most importantly WISDOM to show you how to make it.

Sorry if I sound like I am preaching but I am probably one of the worst addicts for 30 years from alcohol, sex, gambling, alcohol and deadly doses of oxycodone, Oxycontin you name it.  The time has come to live, deal with my issues CLEAN and yes, these issues are deep and financially so big (probably over $100K) I am scared but clear.  

Be strong and take from a person who has 20+ years of using on you that you have your whole life in front of you.  Dope will be anywhere you move.  Find meetings not the "Mafia Man" and you will come to accept how we are diseased.  

Will try to get back on asap but have little access for now.  I have to find a place to live, get back to work all the freaking normal things.  Sadly, still have to deal with family but it is a bridge I have to cross, good bad or indifferent.  

Peace and hope this helps.

The Serious Moron For Many Years

[jugglin]

Hey there sweet girl!  So glad to see you posting out here.  Is hubby clean or working to get clean?  I know who u married, but don't know anything about him. It's gonna be tough if he's not on board.  You are a vibrant spirit punkin.  You need to find a good Dr to deal with the bi-polar.  Your bi-polar doesn't need to be an excuse to use anything.  There are many folks around here managing their bi-polar...not that it is easy by any means.  

I agree with all of the folks above that changing location isn't going to solve anything...it didn't work when u moved to Cali and isn't going to work when you move around in Cali.  Please focus on you and your sobriety.  You can do this.  Just go to the meetings honey.  Just go.  I don't know one person who wasn't shy up front...it gets better...just like on MH.

You are such a beautiful spirit and soul who deserves to be clean and serene...but only you can get u there.  We are here to uplift and support you.

God bless you sweetpea!

[clean_in_ks]

My alcoholic father moved us from Kansas to Hawaii.....his geographical cure didn't work either.  It took him another 12 yrs to finally get sober.  Maybe that is something you will have to learn on your own....nobody knows how many more lessons you need to learn before you are completely ready to get and stay clean.  

Moving away from resources to help you with your bipolar and your addiction doesn't sound nearly as wise as not running away, getting some recovery support in the flesh and getting some help for your bipolar.

My overall observation from people who say "I hate meetings" is that they may have been to very FEW meetings......not tried an all women's/all men's meeting.....been court ordered to go to meetings (forced).....went to meetings when they were still using and/or dealing with inner rebellion....and then there are those that got hurt VERY badly by one or two people.  So they throw out the whole deal.....and never become willing to try again.  
If the traditional 12 step meetings are offensive......there are TONS of other alternatives these days.  The point is......doing SOMETHING to gain some recovery support is the KEY here.

Changing people, places and playgrounds helps immensely, but only when we replace them with NEW people, places and playgrounds.

    

[dominosarah]

The "geographical cure" will only work a short time.  When" you" catch up with "you" what will you do then?  

[slomedz805]

hi! I just wanted to speak on moving to another place in ca. I was born and raised in california, im only 29 but i have seen over the years how the mexican cartels are FLOODING ca with black and i can assure you theres not a square inch where its not around. But we all know you cant move anywhere in the world and if you so desire not find a opiate you will. I hope you get off that black. stay safe god bless.

[meegWpaw]

whatever you post K I am glad to see you posting here.  I want to see you get clean, you know I have told you that before.  and congratulations again on the marriage!  <3

[ActingBrandNew]

Ditto what IBK said.

Personally, I dont care where you met your hubby. Meeting him on this site isn't controversial. What I worry about with you is your clean time. People really should get themselves clean and stable before even thinking about dating let alone marriage. That is just my opinion anyways.

Good luck to the both of you.

[IBKleen]

This is a strange post. Welcome back I guess but sorry to hear you are still struggling. You can move anywhere in the world you want honey but you will take you with you and since you are problem it will not stop until you get help.I found that out too many times in my addiction. I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for both of you. Take care of yourself.