Frank Observation

[SammyTheSnail]

Given that we're pretty well screwed -- particularly at older ages -- why not just give up? I mean, we're just hanging on by the slimmest of threads, no?

Generally speaking, it doesn't get any better ...

[wait2long]

you have the right to be down if thats how you feel..i'm sure most on the path to recovery have felt this way at one time or another, pain, withdrawals and fighting addiction really isnt a happy time, especially if your just coming to terms with it. you dont just quit and get happy overnight, if only it was that easy then places like this wouldnt exist. addiction is a hard road and a miserable time when just realizing what you have gotten yourself into or any emotional or physical pain you are obviously facing...theres so much more to it
but you need to seek the kind of help you need?  or want?  its a long road,but can be done,getting positive takes work when your down. and if your ready for the hard work it takes and have a plan being positive WILL come, you have a lot to look forward to once your on the other side of this. it DOES get better, i'm sure just hearing it, is hard to believe, but one will never know until you start the journey...
if you need to chat, shoot me a message, i'll be here.
best to you Sammy..

[worried878]

i also feel the same way...i feel ur pain..chronic pain coupled with the depression that these pills bring can bring people to some very low moments...feelings of helplessness and low self worth..feelings of not being in life where we planned to be..emptiness....i always called it the Doomers...cos it is a doomy feeling to say the least...but it passes...i sent u a pm and if u ever need to talk please know..like lifesaride said..we are here to talk and support each other..always

[lifesaride]

Hey there, I was just wondering would you like to talk about it? whats wrong? whats bothering you?or not bothering you? Is your battle not going well? Is there anything anyone can do to help? I'd like to try to help, just listen if you want. Let me know, Teddy

[kim715]

Theres no giving up for me.Thats a selfish act and I stopped being selfish when I stopped using.I wasted a lot of years,let a lot of great opportunities slip through my fingers and I'll never get any of that time back,it's true.I get to get up everyday now though and just live my life.Instead of looking forward to taking a pill to get me through the day,I look forward to seeing my grandbabies sleepy morning faces,making them their favorite breakfast,watching sponge bob and laughing right along with them,watching them play in the bubbles at bath time,and rocking them to sleep at nap time.Sometimes I don't even put them in their beds.I just hold them until nap time is over.Those kids are my life line.It's all about them now,and I don't want to miss a minute of it.My wish for you is to find the joy that I have found.It was right in front of me for a long time.I just didn't notice it until the fog had lifted......Peace.....Kim

[cgmomma]

My 2 HUGE reasons for not giving up are in the photos section of my page.  My husband, who i love very much, and my beautiful daughter Grace, who, well, her name just says it all.  Everyone on here has posted reasons why they won't give up or cut that last peice of thread.  Cmon Sammy, give us some reasons why you don't want to just, give up! Since I have been clean, everything looks, smells, feels, and even sounds different.  The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, and when Gracie laughs it almost makes me want to cry.  I didn't care about those "small" things when I was using.  They may seem so simple, but they are reasons why I still want to keep on keepin' on :)  Much love...

Brittaney

[gizzy32]

this turned out to be quite a positive post. sometimes in life something good can happen from something that is bad, make sense? i too felt the same way as you at one point and i did give up, i was beaten and life was tough and thought it would not get better, but IT DOES. try thinking positive and see what happens. good luck and i hope things get better for you. NEVER GIVE UP.

[ali3674]

Continue to post, I do not feel you to be negative at all, you are expressing how you feel, and its very unrealistic of other people to expect that everyone feels hopeful and happy all the time when they are an addict.  Everyone has the right to feel the way they feel.  its a learning experience for everyone.  Some people need to take pain meds for the rest of their lives for real pain.  For spinal problems, back problems, fibromyalgia, stenosis, etc, etc. Its when you feel like you have lost control of your situation and that you are  prisoner in your own body and mind that it becomes scary......
Keep posting......and good luck.

[Victor322]

The Milk bottle is either half full or half empty...always your choice!

[marcatj]

...life falls apart for all of us.  it's HARD.

but using doesn't make us feel any better when it does.  as a matter fact, it makes the pain worse (that is, if you can even feel it.)

pain and sadness is what you're SUPPOSED to feel when life falls apart. and then it passes.

i'm sorry things are rough for you.  i hope you feel more hope for all of this soon.... :-/

[marcatj]

i beg to differ...

life got about a million times better when i quit.

from borderline suicidal to having immense gratitude for even the little things.  my relationships healed, my career got back on track better than ever, I feel more connected to God (and feel His/Her presence...) and the list goes ons...

nothings a free ride.  you want a good life?  you gotta WORK at getting clean.

[dominosarah]

This turned out to be a pretty awesome post!!!!  After reading all the posts i have alot more to be thankful for than i realized.  I need to be more appreciative.  Today i will work on that.                sara

Beargizmo.........i wish only the best for your wife and you.  Hope this lump is okay.

[joann1975]

Good thinking Avis...boy did you wake up on the ball today! LOL

[avisg]

I think we should put the benefits list in the health pages ?Its a great reminder we all need sometimes

[joann1975]

That was an awesome awesome wonderful list! Loved it!!

[Kaeden]

Anyone searching for the meaning of life (I mean, who hasn't at some point?) might get a lot out of reading a book called: Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl.  He was a holocaust survivor who learned to find meaning where none seems to be.  It's very existential, but very powerful and profound.  (In my opinion).  :)

[mimi1313]

That is awesome!!

[1234betterlife]

I saved this when it was posted. from time to time i look at it. i am still thankful.

There are so many benefits to being clean.

1. Better for our body.
2. Better for our relationships.
3. Clarity of mind.
4. Less pain.
5. Emotions, just feeling again.
6. Not worrying where the next batch of drugs will come from.
7. Taking charge of your life, being responsible again.
8. a real life again.
9. Being honest with myself and others.
10. Not being scared anymore that someone was going to find out
11. Having extra money for things and not using it on pills
12.. My girlfriends don't hide their purses when I come in the house.
13. My new friends smell better.
14. My family respects me. (That's a big one).
15. I am employable.
16. I am reliable.
17. We can help others now.
18. We are examples of what to be instead of what not to be
19. Staying out of jail
20. Someday I can quit giving my hard earned money to the State of TX
21. Being able to experience love
22. Being ok with who I am and where I'm going
23. Getting out of my isolation
24. I helped my 8 year old through a being bullied crisis, when I was using I wouldn't have gave a f--k about something like that.
25. No fear of a random urine test.
26. Return of self-esteem.
27. No coping of bad decisions made while high.
28. I have something to be proud of instead of something to hide!
29. Waking up in the morning, putting all my money in one pocket instead of drug money in one and bill money in the other and spending both on not kissing dealers and dealers *****,, and saying "I'm a RECOVERYING addict"
30. being a much better parent!!!
31. enjoying all the little moments of life that otherwise you didn't notice when high
32. not being a slave anymore
33. not having to plan functions, outings, chores etc around pill schedules/supply
--believing in yourself again
34. Not having to COME DOWN, or deal with guilt infested hell of the next day or kicking opiates!
35. being able to look my spouse in the eye
36. not having to start everyday with Visine for my bloodshot eyes
37. not having the of "I know I have to stop using these someday, but when and how" on my shoulders
38. gaining confidence by getting through c/t w/d ... I am stronger than I ever knew
39. ending the lies ... oh all the lies, about money and everything
40. not waiting for from the fed-ex truck
41. not having to keep putting off starting a new job because I was on the tram
42. Not bending over backwards to help out some white trash losers just to get a buzz
43  Being able to say NO and mean it
44. Being appreciated
45. Being able to go to a strangers house and not snoop around
46. Saying I am doing well and mean it!
47. not having to go thru withdrawals again!!!!
48. never taking 4000mg of l-tyrosine in the morning and puking them right back up. lol
49. Not throwing up all the time from too much tylenol..
50. Not in the process of killing myself
51. Don't pray for forgivness all the time for wasting my life and resources
52. I don't worry as much about my liver
53. no more hopelessnes and despair.
54. being creative.
55. having a life.
56. Not always on the Fed Ex/UPS/DHL websites checking tracking numbers. My G*d, what a waste!
57. feeling what's real- not some synthetic version of it.
58. orgasms (way better when you can actually FEEL)
59. bigger weiner (fully erect is bigger then high-errect)
60. actually WANTING sex
61. MUSIC, esp in earphones
62. Feeling the seasons, spring etc.
63. "Being able to experience Love" this sounds sooooo GOOD to me. For years now I just been alone, and cold hearted. Which has worked out because I cant get hurt...but thats no way to live right?
64. Not having to fear I might be the SECOND daughter my parents have to BURY because of drugs.
65. Laughing, really laughing

[SammyTheSnail]

Thank you for your thoughts.

[PromisedLand]

read my post about my wife in the pain management topic. Along with that, she has one eye and he vision is 20/70 out of it..she's on disability.  She's in chronic pain.  She has a
22 year old daughter who treats her like ****.  She's had breast cancer and survived only to have a botched reconstruction job that has resulted in this pain and they just found
another lump.  She has said on many occasions "I don't want to be here any more" and
I outline all the reasons..there is always something around the corner that will make things a little better.  The world WILL be different without you.

Don't give up.  Get up early one morning, watch the sunrise and the earth come to life..there is nothing better than that

Jim

[cathy5841]

i have foundit is so much easier to face life and its problems clean.   i seem  to make much wiser choices.  lol

[avisg]

Thats what I am talking about about :)  This thread can be a postive one for everyone starting out when they see how worth being clean can be

[joann1975]

Good Point Avisg!
The reasons my thread gets stronger each day in addition to being clean are:
God
My Wonderful Husband
My Precious Son
My Adorable Nieces / Nephews
My Parents & Siblings
Myself
My Friends (including MedHelp friends)
I could go on but those are at the top of my list!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I myself do not feel that med help should remove this post. I feel that it should remain at the top for awhile. Sammy needs to chat with us and ask questions to possibly even receive advice. If we are honest with ourselves, I bet most of us had that down moment when we coulda put Sammy to shame with our post.

Sammy - check out the Amino Acid Protocol listed at lower right hand side of page under health discussions....some of these Amino's are as good as an antidepressant. Some others will help you regain the energy and motivation that we lose when we use our drug of choice. You would pay hundreds an hour for talk therapy with a shrink ... people here wil let you talk to them for nothing. All of us have had bad days, weeks, or even years. But we didnt give up. We are here and making a recovery and feeling fine about it. We also make some pretty good friends through this forum ..... stick with us and keep posting - tell us your story - we are here for you, brother  - -   eagle

[cathy5841]

you know avisg, you are right as usual.

1.  i am a diiferent person clean.
2.  my GRANDBABY/family
3.  to be able to encourage others on medhelp