temptation

[oxygirl487]

there will always be temptation for all of us who r clean ,w/ding,tapering or whatever ur situation is....i found this out yesterday....my daughter was prescribed 7.5 liquid loratab for tonsilitis.....i never thought this would bother me.....but its been hell for me to keep from just drinking half the bottle...its like the devil is on one shoulder and an angel is on my other...the devil being the one screaming "drink drink drink" and the angel saying "no no no ur baby needs this"........will we always be temted for the rest of our lives? is this something we will have to face 4ever?......its made me think that what if i came down with some kinda disease or injury and required pain meds what happens then? for instance they wanna do another surgery on my back..i would have to take meds after that...would it just lead me back to where i was b4?.....this sux....i know as soon as she gets better that med is going down the drain.........but what i dont understand is i never had a problem with hydro's  honestly...i never abused them till i started taking the oc's.....and im sitting here just dying to drink that ****...why?....grrrrrr this sux........

[addictedme]

IBk said it,,changes,,,,have you made any? Temptation wont get easier just cause time passes. You have a disease that has to be treated,it wont just go away. You cant expect others to change or suffer in any way because of your disease. If the Dr prescribed what he feels is best for your child then so be it.YOUR the addict and the changes you make in your life will effect your family in a positive way just like not making changes will effect them in a negative way.Personnaly I dont think you"ll take your childs medicine but the decision will always be yours. Recovery will make the decisions much easier to make. gl to ya

[CleandUP]

I know that craving and it is a pain. Do something to occupy yourself and keep your mind off it. Maybe even try to convince yourself it is only cough medicine lol . Even though its not easy. This is what would happen:
1) You drink it, feel good for a while. Then shortly after fall into guilt and ashame and will have to start all over
          or
2) Do not drink a single ounce and once the medicine for your daughter is gone or she doesnt need it any more, toss it. After that, you will feel like a million dollars for accomplishing the thing you fear most!

I believe in you

[hopsing94]

Awww honey I know what you are thinking. It's good your talking about it and not doing somethng else. You have been through so much but you know in your heart the right thing to do. One suggestion is to not accept things like this from the dr even when its for a family member. You know as an addict temptation is always there and to bring it closer to you will make it harder. You stay strong,you have done so damn good and we are so proud of you. Maybe just get rid of the med so your not faced with the temptation right now. You know as you progrress things like this will be easier. B if it really starts to get to ya just get rid of the stuff.  There are other things to give that precious angel. Please be strong like you have in the past. Please B you are such an inspiration to all of us and I would hate to see something bring you back down, I love ya girl and i know you will do the right thing. Love John

[Calzy]

I've been clean over 5 mos now and had a dream last night that there was 3 or 4 bottles of liquid lortab and i drank one and then my dream changed to something else. Like Catuf said, i cant control my thoughts or dreams but i can control my actions, maybe even in my dreams. When i first quit i would wake up and dwell on any drug dream i had but now they just pass by like any other dream.

[toxictome]

You are an addict..and those thoughts will swirl around in your mind...as time pases, they will decrease as you get stronger..

just remember..one is too many...a thousand isn't enough!!!

Good job on passing...

[CATUF]

I try to make a distinction between a) me and b) the thoughts of using that can (and do) pop into my head at any time.  I am not the thoughts.  The fact that such thoughts pop into my head says very little about me, and nothing about what I will do in response to them.

If I don't make that distinction I'm likely to find myself engaged in a moralistic struggle between the "good me" that wants to stay clean and the "bad me" that wants to use (now).  That's not a pleasant way to live even if the "good me" wins time after time. I think it's a dangerous place to live because it requires the "good men" to win 100% of the time.  It's an all or nothing deal - if the good wins only 99.9% of the time, I'm just as done as if I the good lost the first time.  

On the other hand, if i do make that distinction I find myself (not "good me" or "bad me," but only me-me) just observing the thoughts.  I think of those thoughts as being "the voice of my addiction" and it can actually be interesting to see what a silver-tounged devil it can be.  

In this way these thoughts have no more meaning than the spiel of a snake oil salesman who is approaching me with the same product for the 100th time.  I hear the latest pitch and just keep walking.  I might think "wow, this guy will try ANYTHING" or "no that's a creative try," but I don't stop and talk -- I don't even talk while I walk.  I simply note that the snake oil guy is still trying to sell me and I go on.

I think that entering into any debate about the topic is very dangerous ... it moves me to engaging in the fight, where I must win 100% of the time or I lose.  I'm good, but I'm not that good.  Sooner or later I will lose a battle, which means I lose the war.

One day in rehab they had us do this little exercise with the “good angel” and the “bad angel.”  I was sitting in a chair with two people standing behind me.  One, at my right ear played the good angel, saying things like "you don't want to use, think about your kids, you want to stay clean, using is a bad idea, you're going to ruin everything . . ." At my left ear the "bad angel" whispered "it's ok, this one time won't hurt anything, nobody will know, go ahead, one last time. . ."

With a literal shudder, I realized that my experience was quite different.  While the simulated good angel was pretty accurate, the bad angel was way off.  What actually happened with me was that one voice would say all that “good stuff” and after a while some other voice would simply put an end to what had been a one-sided debate against using.  All these little arguments against using would be popping into my mind as I drove to get what I needed, but at once they were silenced by the truth and authority of the other voice that said "YOU ARE GOING TO."  When that second voice spoke it was immediately clear that there was nothing to argue about.  It was a done deal.  It was a completely done deal and I knew it.

I’m not getting into internal-debate mode today.

CATUF
975

[treglx]

I'm feelin' ya. A few weeks ago i visited my sister in another state...a little vacation.

In conversation she told me about the pain pills she still had from her last surgery and how she was planning to throw them away. (nobody knows about my issues except the good people here).

Anyway I was like OH NOOOOOOO. give me strength!

Nothing came of it but what a test. I'm glad I passed. (77days of percs today).

This may have been my 1st sober vacation  in 20+ years.

I just wanted to share that with you.

You too "passed" GOOD FOR YOU!

[oxygirl487]

its cool ..i logged off too..i actually got sleepy lol.....it helps me to read my first posts on here...god i was a mess.....im glad i overcame that and im sooooo not going back there again if i can help it....love u girl and ive missed u...god bless u

[oxygirl487]

i didnt take any.....so i dont feel to disgusted yet.....i feel guilty that i have been tempted to even do such a thing.....but i understand what u r saying though..i done some things while i was using that i felt guilty over too......i have yet to falter with my recovery this time.......this is it....4ever clean......this is just a test that im gonna pass...straight a's      lol

[CGR76]

Its hard resisting the temptation, but we are all like this. The worst thing I ever did was steal my MOTHERS priscription for pain killers, while she had a case of the shingels. I could stab myself in the chest and it would'nt hurt as much as the guilt I feel for that one.
So in other words, the fact that u took onother pain med, and the fact that u faltered on rehab is nothing compared to the disgust u will feel with your self....

Keep strong....CGR

[gizzy32]

ty, honestly though, thinking that way is part of our disease, we can't help it. its whether we choose to act on those impulses or fight them. we will always be addicts and can't change that, this i what i have learned these past few months. i guess your 3 months is on the tuesday right?, back to back parties yee haw. i finally know how to have fun again without drugs. you should see me dance sober, that'll give anyone a buzz to see, haha.

[liscamdave]

First off, sorry I jumped off the forum the other night without saying bye. I had to go. Second, I know what you mean. That temptation is always there. We just have to find the will and the strength to fight it. My downfall was the OC's as well. If someone were to offer me regular perks, I would have only taken them if I could eat like 20 and wouldn't have wanted to because i would have wanted OC's instead. Its a vicious cycle and you know that already. 1 leads to 2 and so on. Before you are right back in hell. I pray that I never go back there.  YOU ARE STRONG. Alot stronger then you think. I remember when you first started your detox, you were sad and you wanted pills. But you never caved in and now look at you, three months later. I am proud of you girl...Keep it up..

xoxo, Lisa

[oxygirl487]

thanks....triggers r something im beginning to realize..like being alone for me is a trigger......dont know why.....thats just one of many...im learning new ones daily  lol....u stay strong also.....

[oxygirl487]

thats so true......its why ive been on here most of the day trying to take my mind off it.....i guess once an addict always an addict...may not be using but still tempted ... something as small as this coud ruin someones whole recovery.....sux.....thats why aftercare is so important.....my after care is u all...lol....works....

[oxygirl487]

i need my *** kicked for even thinking that way........thanks for the encouragment.....im proud of u too.....

[GoingToMakeIt]

There will always be triggers. You are good to see it. Stay strong girl.

[IBKleen]

Why? Because you are an addict and you are looking for a quick fix. It doesn't really matter how you get it either.

It is not the answer. You need to make changes hun, and lots of them so you don;t repeat that old behavior. Temptation will always be there, it is the way you handle it that needs to be different.

Get yourself busy today and get your mind on something positive.

[gizzy32]

listen to the angel that is saying no no no. it must be hard having it right in your hands and that is completely normal cause we are addicts, but the fact you know you can't touch that is a sign just how strong and determined you really are. i think we will always have to deal with this temptation on some level forvever, but it does get better with time. your doing so good, we are both a couple days away from 3 months clean time, just remember that. don't make me kick your ***, haha. im proud of you.