Going thru the worse thing ive ever been thru

[wantourbabyback]

Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about  it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together  and  he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything..  And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow

[ann326]

try to take it minute by minute it will all work out you must get clean and stay that way and I think you should seek a lawyer or at least ur husband should try not to beat yourself up that will do u know good now try to be strong for the baby. I would suggest some form of treatment program as a good faith sign that u  want help. there's alot of people on here with great insite keep posting. good luck and if you need someone to talk to message me. my prays r with u and ur family.

[Pat1956100]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Are you not even allowed to visit your daughter???  That would be so hard, I can't even imagine how you feel.
The good thing is your daughter is healthy and is receiving excellent care.
Please try and forgive yourself and think about the future.  I agree, it sounds like you need a lawyer.  Your husband should definitely have rights if he is clean.  Has he offered to take a drug test to prove that he is?
I just don't know much about this as I haven't had to deal with it but I do know that addiction is a disease and you need to stand up for yourself and tell them you are getting clean.
Tell his family that their comments are not helpful.
You sound like you will be a loving mother and I am sure you will get your baby soon.
Please keep us posted.

[tryingtocope39]

Since you said they put your son on morphine, I'm going to guess you are talking about methadone, and not methamphetamines...?
Likely what will happen is you will be assigned a caseworker who will do home visits to make sure your home is clean safe & prepared for a baby. They will also assessed any other children that may be in the home. Assess, not neccessarily remove. You will be expected to pass random drug screens. You will also be expected to attend parenting classes. The whole process could take several months to complete.
As someone said before, I would recommend you voluntarily seek treatment & start attending Na meetings. You will probably be required to anyways.
As for your husband being able to get custody...yes, he probably could if he is clean. But you will most likely not be allowed to remain in the home. At best, it would be stipulated that you not be left alone with your son. At least until the situation has been resolved.
I don't tell you all of this to worry or discourage you, just to let you know some of what you can expect.
Right now your son really is in good hands, where he can be properly treated & kept comfortable. I know that you miss him & its impossible not to worry, but all you can do now is work your hardest to get him back. Do whatever they ask of you, no matter how silly or minute you may think it to be. Get clean & get the tools you need to stay clean. Do that & you will get your son back. Good luck to you!

[Sonrissa]

Hi want, and welcome to the forum! I am so very sorry that you and your husband and baby are going through this! I want to offer you support, we do not judge here! Please use this opportunity to get your situation straightened out! Get some help to get and stay clean so that you will be prepared and healthy when the baby comes home! Please get some professional help to deal with this! I wish you the very best! You will all be in my prayers! Stay strong, you will get through this! Keep posting for advice and support! Let us know how it goes!

[wantourbabyback]

Thank you for being so nice. Its hard to take it min by min when your world is torn apart. My husband is talking to a lawyer now so that will help us out alot. i have called places to get a rule  25 so i can go to treatment. its been aweek since my son cartar has been born and i cant even see him in the hospital yet i just want to hold my son. ita crazy that they let me bond with him for the first two days 24/7  then not let me see him. all i can do is picture his face and breakdown and cry.

[Pat1956100]

I can't imagine what you are going through.  I remember when my son was born and it was hard to leave him for a minute.  I really am glad your husband is talking with a lawyer.  It's just not right for a mother not to be able to see her son.  It's NOT RIGHT.  Please let us know how you make out.  I wish you the best.  Try and stay as strong and healthy as you can.  He is going to need a healthy mommy when he comes home.

[wantourbabyback]

Thank you for the support. My husband has saidhe would take a drug test and he is goinf to talk to our case worker tmrw and see from there. I understand our family is going to be mad and hurt at what is going on i get that. his dad and brother are so hurtful it makes me wanna give up. they will leave voicemails on my phone telling mee how worthless i am that i should lose my son forever they wish i would get cancer and be on my death bed so they can come make my life hell and laugh when i die. its nuts.

[Pat1956100]

That is horrible and they have no right to say that.  You have a disease and you are fighting to get better.
I don't understand at all why you can't visit your son.  That just doesn't seem right to me at all and it makes me so angry.  
If he is in the hospital you should be able to visit.  
Tell your brother in law that if they leave any more nasty voice mails you are going to turn them over to the police and have them charged with harassment.  The last thing you need right now is a family who isn't supportive.  Hang in there and fight, fight, fight.

[Sonrissa]

Your husband need to tell his family that the mean comments and the voicemails will not help this situation! This is coming from ignorance about this disease! Understand that they are hurt and confused by this situation! However, the mean comments will not do anything but hurt everyone! The most important thing right now, is for you to get some professional help, get yourself healthy and ready to care for your baby! You can get yourself through this! Many women and families have been through situations like this! Get all the information you can and do everything you are told to help get yourself healthy and get your baby home with his family!

I'm praying for you and your family! Please keep posting, let us know how you are doing! Stay strong and get yourself ready to be able to care for the baby! Take care!

[HappyDays2Come]

This is so heartbreaking. My heart is hurting so much for you, for as a mommy myself I can't even imagine what you're going through. Please understand that it will get better and you will have your child back one day. The state does not want to take kids from their parents and I'm positive they will do all they can to work with you and your husband. But, you have got to get healthy for yourself and now for your family. Be the role model that Cartar needs. I can tell you're going to be a wonderful mom, and you'll get that chance. Start today and make a new and improved life for yourself...you can do it. ((Big Hugs))

[ann326]

I can't even begin to know how u feel I myself have 3 wounderful kids r u checking into inpaitent programs ? your husband sounds like he's doing all he can from his end is he willing to take a drug test ? I am in the health profession lets leave it at that we would always let moms in to see their babys. now sometime they need to have someone with the mom at all times. did they tell u you couldn't see ur baby at all? and can I ask how you are doing with the drugs are u staying away from them and have you made any head way in getting in to a program. If you are having trouble getting in to treatment maybe you could call and out patient facility the day I started with out patient they were send 2 others to inpatient u may get there quicker and start working on your issues and be in a safe place to grieve over this part of your life cause that got tobe some heavy emoitions and your husband and lawyer can work with children and youth once they see that ur getting better and the way you love your baby it will all be ok . They really are looking out for the best intrest of your little guy. know is as good of time as any to get the help you need My thoughts and prays are with you .please keep up the posting it really does help.

[wantourbabyback]

Well the hospital gave him to us right after he was born and let us keep him in our room all day and night as much as we wanted The day we got to leave is there when they came in and ttold u us he had to stay there and so did we for 1 more night and he had to stay in the nursery and we could see him in there. then the next they they discharged me and kept him there they said cuz i tested positive. the day i came in to get induced. I don't get why they would let us have him with us and then all the sudden take him out of our room. that was the hardest part. so we had to go home without him that was on wed they havent let us see him since then. his family doesnt care who they hurt. they all have had adfictions and been thru stuff but some howthey are better then everyone. i have my amitt or deny hearing thursday and his dad is going just to hurt my feelings and make me fall apart.

[wantourbabyback]

His family always makes you hurt when your down the most.our son is a week old today i miss him so much. i feel like giving up im sick of everything.. His dad wants to get custdy so he can keep him from me. But his dad always abused them and there mom and is a really abusive person and i could never let him go there. just incase they say no to my husband what can i do to make sure his dad wont get him.?

[wantourbabyback]

Thank u so much. i know i can do it but it seems like everyone thinks and says there is no chance i can get him back ect im so stressed out and confused

[wantourbabyback]

Thank u. yes i started looking and i truely know in my heart that im going to be a great mom but its hard to keep my head up and the whole postpardum thing is setting in and he isnt here all that is making my mind just wanna agree with everyone. . i hate being cut down . i truely never wanted this to happen i never thought it would i hate myself for doing that to my son i can barely look in the mirror. i have been doing good with getting high . im not going to lie i have used a few time like for two days since i have been home and i can blame it all on how hard this is but i think that me getting high is the reason im going thru this. i hate it.. i want my son  when i look around and see his stuff or sometimes ill wake up cuz in my dream he is crying and ill wake up look around and he isnt there it freakin kills me. i cant believe i put my son thru this he is my lil man angel.

[wantourbabyback]

Thank you girls for all the support it helps alot.why does everyone seem to think that im not hurting that i dont care ect if they were inside my heart it would kill them.

[Pat1956100]

Everyone knows you are hurting and how painful it must be not being able to see your baby but if you truly want your baby back you have to get help right NOW.  You need to stop using.  Be proactive and start making phone calls on how to get some help.
They are going to drug test you and if you aren't showing that you are clean or want to get clean then there is less chance you will get your baby back right away.  If you show them that you are trying to get clean it will help so much.  Start searching for someone that can help you with this.  You need some support and the not knowing what to do or what is going to happen is putting you in a really bad place.
Get on the phone and find out how you can get help.
Please let us know how you make out.

[ms_walker]

I feel for u. I've been thinkin about u n whatever it is that ur goin thru since u commented on my post a couple days ago. Im glad u finally shared ur story. Theres alot of good support here. I'm sure ur son  knows how much u love him. Idk what id do if they keep my baby away from me. I think I'm getting induced this week. Nobody knows what we go thru. It's our own personal hell. Something we did to ourselves and even worse our own babys. I just want u to kno I'll b thinkin n praying for u n ur son as well as for myself n my soon to b daughter. Plz keep us updated. I mite b going thru the same thing by the end of this week.

[ms_walker]

And I kno what it's like to b judged bc of this. My family doesn't talk to me at all. The way the ppl at the hospital talk down to me is the worse. My ex (babydaddy) even talks sht to me.
U have to stop using! Plz! I kno what it's like to wana get high. but u have to get help. I kno sumone who was in the same situation n they still don't have their baby back after 15 mos bc they can't stop. in that situation they did give baby to a family member.

[Sonrissa]

Sweetie, get some help to fight this! Maybe a lawyer! Don't give up and try to calm down as much as possible! You need a clear and calm head! First, get yourself clean and healthy! Don't let your emotions take over and lead you! You can get through this and get your baby home! Stay focussed and as positive as possible! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Keep posting for support!

[wantourbabyback]

I made all the phone calls i needed to thanks to u i am taking a rule 25 tmrw and i have a meeting with my caseworker they just gave me. Im done using cant do it anymore my son means more to me then everything.

[Pat1956100]

OMG that gave me goosebumps.  I am so happy for you.  It must have been so hard for you to be just sitting there not knowing what to do.
GREAT NEWS.  You fight for this more than you have fought for anything in your life.  You can do it and bring your baby home soon.  I can hardly wait until you tell us that.  Please keep us updated.

[wantourbabyback]

Thank u so much.. your right nobody knows unless they go thru it .I cant tell you enough that you made the right choice and i wish that i would have done that cuz i looked at the mn laws and stuff and there were so many programs i could have been in and my son never would have gotten taken and this process would be over when he is done in the hospital. . keep me posted on how everything is going and it wont be easy but the hospital really will be the best place for her. then you get to bring her home!! Im sure it will be the best feeling ever.

[wantourbabyback]

Thank u so much it was hard and still ***** but you made me feel like i needed to do something that would help my son and myself so thanks for the motivation. i cant wait but i  still am not sure about somethings that are making me scared.  when r they going to start letting me see my son?