Aa
Guilt......
I had a small eye opening experience last night with my wife......Due to the fact that she is an RN and is actually one of those intuative nurses, she made a comment last night that stopped me in my tracks. She basically said that some days I am great to be around and have been nicer lately and other days it seems you want nothing to do with me. She went on to mention her excitement when I am nice and her disappointment and frustration when I am isolating myself. I kind of forgot that she has had to deal with my mood swings and my highs and lows each day as well. She does not know what I am going through so she has no idea why I have been an emotional roller coaster for the past three months! I was so caught up in pampering myself and worrying about myself that I have forgotten that she is going through this as well. I guess I felt guilty that because of my addiction she is now paying the price as well......For the most part we have a great relationship and I consider myself really lucky to have her. I just need to consentrate more on being aware of my moods and actions when I am around her....I am almost out of the woods with this Methadone withdrawal and hopefully I will level out soon.......Yes, Yes....I know what most of you are going to say.....Tell your wife, tell her what you are going through! I got myself into this mess and I am going to get myself out! I am almost out of the woods of phase I and I know that with some help I can transition into phase II without having to ever even mention anything to her.....I know this is not the most healthy way of managing a relationship but trust me.....this is the better way. I commented on someones post about what you can live with and I can live with the guilt of not telling her until years have passed! Probably not the right decision but for now seems like the only way!
Kind of an off base post but I just wanted to throw this one out there......
Kind of an off base post but I just wanted to throw this one out there......
As a spouse of an addict (who honestly believes I don't know anything) I'd just like to say that we know a hell of a lot more than you think, remember we're straight all the time, whereas under the influence of any drug/alcohol, you aren't behaving as well as you'd think :) I wish my SO would be honest with me and tell me instead of thinking I'm stupid and constantly lying to me. I am HEARTSICK and ready to leave him BECAUSE he's lying about his use! If he'd just aknowledge his addiction to me I would totally support him in his rehab, and here is the key, I think... at this point he doesn't want to stop using, but I know he's terrified that I'll leave, or hold it against him forever, etc. We know guys, and your wife knows something is very wrong, she just doesn't have the proof. None of us are perfect, but if someone is going to emotionally beat you up for all your remaing days for having a human weakness that could happen to any of us, you don't belong with that person in the first place. I don't know this stranger I live with anymore, he's not the honest, trustworthy, cantankerous person I know and have loved 20+ years. I hope you can get and stay clean without having to confess, and wish you all the very best in your recoveries!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! If you are already a month and a half off of methadone then congrats! It has been three months for me without methadone and over a month without any norco's.....I have only taken about 20-25 Norcos within that three month period.
I still fight the fatigue, sleeplessness, and the good day bad day thing but each day it truly does get better.....Soon, you will start having better days but I cannot tell you enough how important the correct suppliments and vitamins along with exercise helps.....It is truly the most difficult thing to do when going through methadone detox but it will lighten and shorten your detox time considerably.....Do not worry, it seems like you have gone an eternity without over the past month or so but from this point forward you have enough time under your belt where you will start to feel better each day. Keep in mind that we graduated to the most potent of the opiates and we must pay for that use.....I always think that us methadone users are lucky, just think if it took as long as we were on them to get off of them!
By making it as far as you have you have got this thing licked! Get into an exercise routine and check out the amino therapy page and follow the suppliment and vitamin regiment.....Even if you start feeling better keep using them....You will probably need 6 months of the vits and ammino's before you can get off of them. I also recommend talking with gnarly_1 about methadone, he is the resident expert and has helped me out considerably. He was a long time methadone user and has a lot of knowledge in this area.....good luck and keep strong!
I still fight the fatigue, sleeplessness, and the good day bad day thing but each day it truly does get better.....Soon, you will start having better days but I cannot tell you enough how important the correct suppliments and vitamins along with exercise helps.....It is truly the most difficult thing to do when going through methadone detox but it will lighten and shorten your detox time considerably.....Do not worry, it seems like you have gone an eternity without over the past month or so but from this point forward you have enough time under your belt where you will start to feel better each day. Keep in mind that we graduated to the most potent of the opiates and we must pay for that use.....I always think that us methadone users are lucky, just think if it took as long as we were on them to get off of them!
By making it as far as you have you have got this thing licked! Get into an exercise routine and check out the amino therapy page and follow the suppliment and vitamin regiment.....Even if you start feeling better keep using them....You will probably need 6 months of the vits and ammino's before you can get off of them. I also recommend talking with gnarly_1 about methadone, he is the resident expert and has helped me out considerably. He was a long time methadone user and has a lot of knowledge in this area.....good luck and keep strong!
Thanks everyone for your posts.....I know it is hard for some to understand the risks involved with telling some women.....My wife (love her to death) tends to not forget about things and use them against me when she feels threatened! She means well but it makes it difficult to talk to her about serious issues.
This was kind of an awkward post and I appreciate everyone's opinion and comments. I envy the people that post about telling their loved ones and everybody rallying around to support and help.....Nothing would make me feel better than that but unfortunately that is not an option......To give everyone an example of what I am talking about....It would be like going to the police station, finding a narcotic detective and telling him everything you have ever done, sold, bought, or consumed and then give him the physical proof he would need to lock you up......Crazy analogy but this is what it would be like to tell my wife at this point or family for that matter......I am sure a lot of you can relate and some of you probably think that is rediculous......Different strokes I guess.....Thanks again everyone!
This was kind of an awkward post and I appreciate everyone's opinion and comments. I envy the people that post about telling their loved ones and everybody rallying around to support and help.....Nothing would make me feel better than that but unfortunately that is not an option......To give everyone an example of what I am talking about....It would be like going to the police station, finding a narcotic detective and telling him everything you have ever done, sold, bought, or consumed and then give him the physical proof he would need to lock you up......Crazy analogy but this is what it would be like to tell my wife at this point or family for that matter......I am sure a lot of you can relate and some of you probably think that is rediculous......Different strokes I guess.....Thanks again everyone!
Boy do I know where your coming from! I am divorced, but the guilt I feel from having this physical dependency effect me is devestating. I am not a recreational drug user. I became physical dependent after I was placed on pain management after back surgery. I was on a combination of Lortab/Methadone for over a year. I weened myself off these meds over a month ago when the Dr I was seeing relocated and I wanted out!! i went thru hell, in the ER 2x's in 1 week, lost 16 lbs in 2 wks. thought I was going to die.. literally. It was only when I was in the ER that I could even say the word "methadone" and that was cause I was desperate for help. The problem is because it has such a stigma attached to it.
It has been over a month and I am still miserable. Depression, weakness, fatique, mood swings, 1 good day followed bhy 2 bad...my mom & brother came for a visit cause they where so afraid for me and even at my lowest all I could say when we spoke of the pain meds I had been taking was "lortab" and "something else". STILL unable to say the word. I had no idea that I was still (1-1/2 mos) later still going through wd from the methadone.
What do you mean when you say Phase 1 & 2 and how long will this overwhelming feeling of weakenss, fatique , depression last? Will I ever feel normal again??
It has been over a month and I am still miserable. Depression, weakness, fatique, mood swings, 1 good day followed bhy 2 bad...my mom & brother came for a visit cause they where so afraid for me and even at my lowest all I could say when we spoke of the pain meds I had been taking was "lortab" and "something else". STILL unable to say the word. I had no idea that I was still (1-1/2 mos) later still going through wd from the methadone.
What do you mean when you say Phase 1 & 2 and how long will this overwhelming feeling of weakenss, fatique , depression last? Will I ever feel normal again??
Some spouses are not as understanding as others. If my spouse knew about this problem he would beat me up with it emotionally. Yeah, I'd definitely hear, "You did this, you did this, you did this" for the rest of our life. No way I'd ever tell.
Hi justneedtotalk. We each do as we think is best for ourselves. but in my humble opinion guilt holds us as a prisoner always.. when we keep things from those we love it always nags the back of our mind. while our partner goes on to think we treat them a certain way because we do not love them the same our want to spend time with them. kinda selfish of us.. and it is very difficult to always have to babysit ourselves.. but as active addicts we are selfish.. for myself it took many truths to get clean today.. it also lifted a very heavy burden from my life... your wife sounds loving and attentive to your moods. she is a RN so I can imagine very compassionate.. you know it is not a weakness to admit to addiction it is a disease. it is empowering to tell on it. 1 less chain to carry. coming off Methadone is very difficult I do not know what phase 2 is but if it is wd she will figure it out... better to error on the side of honesty in my opinion. I wish you the very best on your quest for Freedom.. lesa
When I finally told my wife.. she already knew and was just waiting for me to be honest. She didn't know the extent as I had gotten to a level that was unbelievable, but she knew. They have radar. Thanks for sharing.
Only you can know what is best for you - of course, it is easy for someone to tell you that you should be honest and share what you are going through but I can understand your position.
I think that, as addicts, we all harbor our fair share of guilt (I know that I do). Someone made an interesting - and comical - observation a few days ago...'when you have one foot in the past and one in the future, you end up peeing on the present' - or something to that effect.
You do what you need to take care of yourself and your family without adding any additional guilt. You have accomplished so much, be proud and keep heading in the right direction. Best of luck to you - and great job getting through methadone detox, I know firsthand what a beast that is.
Peace
I think that, as addicts, we all harbor our fair share of guilt (I know that I do). Someone made an interesting - and comical - observation a few days ago...'when you have one foot in the past and one in the future, you end up peeing on the present' - or something to that effect.
You do what you need to take care of yourself and your family without adding any additional guilt. You have accomplished so much, be proud and keep heading in the right direction. Best of luck to you - and great job getting through methadone detox, I know firsthand what a beast that is.
Peace
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