Opiates Use: How Can I Help My Son?

[lmredstorm]

I have recently found out that my 23 year old son who lives with me has an addiction to pain killers and uses approximately 5-6 80 mg pills daily. He says this has been for about 6 months.  In addition to this he smokes pot daily (for several years now) and consumes alcohol regularly.  He works daily but spends all of his money on his habits.  A few weeks ago he went into detox for 3 days where they gave him meth, however, the insurance would not pay for in-patient rehab and he came home with meth in his system.  He seemed to hold it together for a few days, he was vomiting and had difficulty sleeping, but after 3-4 days of this he began using again.  I am so upset with the detox facility and the insurance company for allowing this kid to come home like this.  I am at a loss to how to help him.  I feel I enable him by allowing him to continue to live under my roof for nothing, but am so afraid of him being out on the street and what could happen to him.  It is so difficult to watch this young man who was an excellent student in high school and gave up sport scholarships and college for this life.  I know he is angry at himself for these choices, but can't seem to get back on track.  I know that me being upset with him or angry doesn't help the situation, however, no parent really expects this.  I think it has gotten worse over the past several weeks, his using and attitude, since his younger brother is now getting ready to go off to school.  How can I help him?  Please any advice would be welcomed..his father (we are divorced) is of no assistance.  Thank you.
Linda

[donna8]

thank-you for your sharing your thoughts and experience. I am years later here on this post, but I randomly found it by googling "how can I help my son who is an addict". My 24yo  son is addicted to Percoset. Its been about  a year now. My heart is broken and daily live in fear of whats going to happen to him. He knows he needs help and insists he is going to taper down and ween himself off. I know that is not likely. I don't know what to do, he works full time and pays his bills, then the rest goes into percs. he lives with me, and no I can not kick him out. He is a wonderful person and I never thought he would fall into this. I work in a hospital and see a lot. I always felt blesses that my sons were not drug addicts and all the time my son actually was.

[LateAugust]

Your son has been using oxy for 6 months?   Was he taking the pills orally or snorting or smoking?    I have a child that has a 1 1/2 yr addiction to oxy and a myriad of other drugs....   I wish to God I had known at 6 mos.  but she was a high functioning addict,  full time job,  college ..........yes  I could tell something was wrong earlier on,  but addicts are great liars and manipulators.      I will do anything to help my child,  and have,   including councelors,  psychiastrists,  treatment center, after care........I am not going to lose her to drugs,  this is my decision  and our lives,   others opinions  of  "let them hit rock bottom"  is exactly that, an opinion,  and there is no cookie cutter approach to drug addiction.  THe only thing I can tell you for absolute certain,  is it is a hard battle,  a lot of pain,  and an emotional roller coaster.   It is your decision of how much you want to be involved with your sons attempt at sobriety.   You need to follow that gut instint   a  mother's instint,  no one knows your capabilities or your son as you do.    You will need support for yourself,  I recommend Al-Anon,  also a seperate councelor for you, provides support and unbiased advise.

If he is wanting help,  I would start with complete drug assessment, assuming he will be honest with the councelor, so you know exactly what he is facing for w/d and treatment.     As parents, we want to think the best and it is so very hard to reach that point, that you can't believe one word they say.  Just as you, I never expected to be in this postition with my child......drug addiction doesn't work that way tho.....no one is immune from its devastation and destruction.

You need him to sign medical release forms so the detox centers will give you info......I would stongly recomment you encourage him to stay far away for any center that is prescribing methadone......honestly am surprised one would do so for a 6 month habit.  Just based on my personal experience with my 21 yr old kid.

It sounds as if your son has multiple addictions,  as does my child,  and it takes aggressive treatment.       But the key point is, if he truly wants help or not.  That is truly the starting point of the whole process,  he has to want to get clean,  because if he doesn't ,  you are wasting your time and money and a great deal of heartache.

I understand where you are in you hurt and confustion.   If you want to chat please PM me and I will support you in anyway I can.

My best to you,  and hope your son "gets it"   that his addiction will destroy his life in everyway.

[mtgoat911]

sounds like you need some boundaries
just to let you know me a little better
i am a recovering addict, but i also lived with my husband using, he got clean a year after i did
so i had to set up boundaries
these are just suggestions that may help you
i do not take any sort of professional stand on the internet
these suggestions are based on personal expereicen
1. tell him "if you want to live with me you must attend 90 na meetings in 90 day" i understand reidential tx is expensive, na is free
2. it may help both of you to have your child randomly drug tested
3. do something for yourself, find an narconon or alonon meeting, find out what some other moms have done in your situation
4. do not give him money, food, shelter, love, no money, no ciggerett $$$,
5. if he refuses to help himself then kick him out

my parents had to deal with my crazy drug induced behavior for to long
it almost killed them
finally they said get out and get help
it does sound like your child is wanting help
for me,,when i was trying to get clean i was basically unable to make descions for myself
the people in na helped me get to where i am now
if he goes to na, all his problems will not be your problems

i wish i could help more, my kids are 6 and 9
i do see some addict behavior in my oldest son, i can only imagine your pain, i have never loved anyone as much as my children
to see them sick or hurting is too much

please let me know if you need help finding a support group for you or your son

[broknbck]

So it sounds like he is aware that he is addicted and wants to do something about it.
It is so very hard to quit. The withdrawl is just so unbearable.
This site has been a God-send to me and others. He can read and see that there are so many others in the same spot as him. It was only after reading all the stories of how so many had successfully gotten off the drugs that i was confident i could do it too. Everyone gives there advice for different withdrawl remedies and how to tapper off slowly.
Ask him to join the forum or just lurk around for a bit.

I understand your not wanting to enable him. but of course he is going to need a place to live while coming off the drugs and someone who cares for him.