Please help.....Vicodin addiction

[wildanimaluvr]

Hi,
I hope someone can help me and give me some advice. I am a closet vicodin dependant and am sick of it. I have Lupus and had started taking vicodin 750mg on occassion for my muscle and joint pains. I realized that not only did the vicodin take away my pain, but it also gave me energy which I NEVER have when I am in a flare or not feeling well. I also have a toddler who runs me ragged....So, for the past 6-7 months (maybe even longer), I started taking the Vicodin everyday just for the energy......I have built up a tolerance, and probably take about 8 pills a day. I want to get off of them but I am terrified of the withdrawls (especially because I have a toddler and husband). I am not an addict. I have never been addicted to anything in my life. My rheumatologist even told me that he knew how worried I was about getting addicted to pills (which I was terrified of when I needed them) so he did not worry about prescribing the pain killers to me. It is unbelievable that I am dependant on these. Its so not me..I also have anxiety and panic disorder. I am on Paxil and also have xanax, valium and adderrall (which I RARELY use). Here is my question. Can I taper myself off of the vicodin so I don't get the horrible withdrawl symptoms? If so, how do I do it? Will one of the other medications I have (I heard something about adderral being used for vicodin add. not sure if its true) help with the withdrawls? Should I see a doctor that prescribes Buprenorphine? You have no idea how much I would appreciate any advice or help.Im having constant anxiety attacks thinking about how I am going to solve this problem.
Thanks so much

[wildanimaluvr]

Thans so much for the support. Is it a given that you throw up from the withdrawls? If I have only taken a small amount in a day, I feel exactly like I do when I have missed a day of my paxil. The dizziness and slight nausea. I didn't think anyone said I needed rehab...I hope I didn't upset anyone by my post.... Im just freaked out that this could happen to me. Im almost considering going to my gp on Friday to tell him about my dilema. He is on the list of dr's who prescribe buprenorphine, so maybe he can help me figure out a tapering plan...I worry that because of my other health problems, I will die from the detoxing.....A fear that I always have, actually....dying. Thanks for the help so much.
Melissa

[feelingcrazierbytheday]

You are doing awesome.  And I never said you needed rehab.  Even an outside source like this forum is a great help to many.  I know it was to me.  Compazine is a good drug to take for nausea.  I would also recommend phenergan.  It also helps sleep quite a bit.  As for the adderall, I have seen some patients who take it and it actually increases anxiety by quite a bit.  It all sort of depends on the state of your mentality and depression level.  lorazepam and valium helped me a bit during withdrawls.  You have been on quite a journey.  And no one including myself can take that away from you.  This is just a small piece of what you've already gone through.  Best wishes

[wildanimaluvr]

I guys,
Thank you so much for all your advice and encouragement. Yes, I am an addict due to a serious health problem. Lupus is the only thing that made me take this drug. Not that I wanted to just take it to get high. It does not give me a euphoric feeling. It just gives me the energy that a healthy person usually has daily.  I have no problem admitting that I am addicted.I am a very honest individual.  I was just trying to state that I do not consider myself to have an addictive type personality. I have never in my life tried recreational drugs, never been drunk in my life, and have a large quantity of relaxant type medications (xanax, valium, lorazepam) which I don't touch unless it is absolutely necessary to get rid of a panic attack. I am a very anxious type of person so one would think that this would be the kind of prescription drug I would be dependant on. I understand why people are saying that I should get psychotherapy. If I start to feel that I need counceling for addiction, I will absolutely do so. My doctors know all the medications I take. Just don't know that I take more of one (vicodin) than recommended. I know myself and know that if I can get through the withdrawls (which is why Im so freaked out about stopping it), I won't go back to it as long as I don't get them again. I have had cancer, open chest surgery, and a slew of other health problems. All at a young age. I am strong and I know I can do this. I am use to feeling sick from my lupus....My main issue with quitting is that I have a severe phobia of throwing up. But, I also have medication for that (compazine). Im just scared of quitting cold turkey. I think I will try to taper off them so I wont be throwing up 24/7. Im use to anxiety, muscle aches, flu like symptoms, but the barfing thing is a whole different story..........

I realize that some of you may think I need rehab and that I am not being honest with myself. I understand why you would think this. Thanks again for all your support. It is so appreciated!
Melissa

[feelingcrazierbytheday]

Withdrawing from physical dependence on the drug does not change the fundamental addictive disorder. The whole neurological, chemical and emotional being of an addict, or an alcoholic has become permanently disordered. An addict or an alcoholic has developed a very, very severe disease. He must take the matter very, very seriously. A quick 7 day "detox" will never be an answer. The alcoholic-addict in the longer term, is like a rat that has become habituated by a scientist to choosing cocaine over food. The rat in the short term, can NOT control the neurological impulse to choose the cocaine! The rat will continue to seek it, ignoring food and water, until he dies! The rat's nerve-impulse to use the cocaine has nothing to do with free will. The addict-alcoholic suffers from an identical disorder in the long term. The addict cannot control these spontaneous overwhelming neurological impulses to use, any more than the rat can on the short term! (The neurological impulse is called a craving.) Just by examining an addicted rat you can't see the obvious problem. But the new neurological pathways that have now been established are permanent and life threatening! These are just as physical and real as any disease. Addiction is a self-contracted neurological disease. It IS a 'created' disorder. Nonetheless, it is also a physical problem on a  neurological level, and it is very real. A chemically dependent person can NOT stop the over-powering cravings for the substance in the long term, any more than someone with Parkinson's disease can stop tremors. "Self knowledge avails us nothing." Seeing someone outside for help highly increases your chances of beating this.  The evidence of damage in your brain is there.  How you label yourself does not matter.  Many do it daily.  I am also one who was "not an addict."  

[alevy]

I have to agree with wannabefree330. I noticed in your post that you said you were not an addict. I know it is a very difficult thing to face but the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I am studying to become an addiction counselor so I know quite a bit about the area. I have also been trained in areas of anxiety disorders as well . Trying to manage Lupus, panic disorder and anxiety is a very large task to try and deal with on your own. My advice is to see a psychologist. They can help you manage your panic attacks, reduce your anxiety, and help you recover from your addiction. A psychologist can also monitor your medication. It is important to have one person who knows every medication that you take so that they can watch out for drug interaction, tolerance and withdrawal, and help you find a therapeutic dose for all your meds. Seeing a psychologist or counselor does cost money but many health insurance plans will cover some of the cost. Let me know if you need help finding services.

[wannabefree330]

One of the first steps of recovery is admitting you are addicted and your life has become unmanageable without them.  Whether you want to accept it or not, you are addicted.  You are hiding it from others, and taking them for "energy" both addict behavior.  It's not a big deal to admit it. Some people have heart disease, they don't have a problem admitting that? You are both mentally and physically addicted.  So, you have to treat both aspects here.  Tapering and eventually quitting them will treat the physical, but the mental part is the toughy.  Just prepare yourself for the lack of energy you will experience.  Its really hard because you want to just pop a few to be able to get things done around the house etc, but you can't.  Eventually the energy will return but may be longer than you expect or hope.  Have faith in yourself that you can do whatever needs to be done to get over this.  And, if you ever have to go back on them, know that the same thing can happen-and faster and w/more vengence.  Keep posting here and let us know your questions and how you're doing.  We all have eachother to get through this.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome to the forum! Whatever way you decide to quit is good. Taper takes longer but you can at least function. Many here went cold turkey, only because if pills were around they would take them. The decision is yours. Either way, go for it! You have caught your use at an early stage. You can do this!

[joann1975]

Hi welcome to the forum! It's a great place for support! The stuff the wonderful ladies above said is true...I was going to tell you that I also have a toddler & at the time was working part time. I made a taper plan (literally wrote out each day what amt I could take) had a quit date and quit. I did it very very slow (which is hard mentally b/c if you are having a bad day or don't feel good you can't let yourself just take the one extra pill you HAVE TO TOUGH IT OUT!)  So it does depend on your personality....I'm not normally strong enough but for this I had no choice. I used all the vitamins/aminos from the health pages. I was on a dose about 2 1/2 times more than you...from 20-25 per day. I immediately cut it in half and was sickish for about 1-2 days but I just ignored the symptoms and kept on going...then I leveled off and started cutting back a pill about every 3-5 days. I did go down to like the 5mg 1/2 in the am and 1/2 in the pm but that was a pyschological thing I think... if I didn't have a toddler or was working at the time I would have bit the bullet and gone CT to get it over with. I already took zoloft and klonopin so that helped me w/the sleep & anxiety. My biggest issue was stomach problems.

I would definetly do like advised above and read everything you can on here! This place is great!

JoAnn

[sadinmichigan]

Welcome to the forum..I am glad that you have recognized the fact that you are not taking them as prescribed and want off them before it gets way out of hand..as far as addcition and dependance goes..well there has been many debates about that here but regardless of which it is the results are the same and withdrawals are too. If your taking them just for energy ,that is an addicitve behavior as well as hiding it from everyone. Most of us do hide it because we are embarrased and scared..you are definitly not alone there.
Tapering takes alot of self control . Since nobody knows about this you will have to be responsible for sticking to your taper plan. I could never do it therefore cold turkey is the only way i could go and seems to be that way for many. Basically with tapering you need to figure out what exactly your daily dose is and start taking a pill away every few days..there is no exact science on how many days. You could try taking one away after 3 days and go from there but if you are not in a huge hurry than I personally would wait about 5 days. days..you could go longer if needed. Try to strech the time in between each pill. Sometimes tapering just prolongs the w/ds.You could taper all the way till your just taking 1/2 a pill but really I would just quit by the time I got down to 1 or 2 a day. I do not suggest taking adderrall to quit. That could just give you another problem and add to your anxiety. Valium seems to help with any muscle aches etc..than xanax..also may relax you so that you can sleep. If you taper slowly you will be fine..you will not bypass w/ds totally but they will be much better. Once you are done you may have a few days of feeling like you have the mild flu. You most likely will have some stomach issues,possible RLS,some anxiety,muscle aches,cold sweats..etc..if you are on an anti-depressant than please talk to a dr or pharmacist about taking any amino acids before you take them..(the amino acid protocol is included in the Thomas recipe found in the health pages as Pamela mentioned above). You can absolutley do this..there will be many on later with more info for you. Please do not let the fear of this get to you. i understand your afraid and have a child etc..many of us do as well. The fear will keep you where your at..you will be fatigued and is completly normal when stopping these meds but will return. As well as the vitamins and supplements regular exercise will help so much, you may not feel like doing it but it really does help with all kinds of things..drink plenty of water..
sorry this is so long..as far as cold turkey goes..you will feel like you have the flu..with all the above symptoms but will be a bit more sever ,generally lasting about a week with days 3-4 being the tougher ones...but within a week or so you will be feeling better and better..good luck to you , There is alot of support here and many wonderful people..congrats on making this decision. You won't regret it..

[enemy48]

Hi there~

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to make a post here.  It was hard for me at first too because I too was a closet user.  No one knew.

Does your husband have any idea?  You said you take 8 daily.  Is that how much you are prescribed, or do you have more than one script?

I don't mean to bounce off your question, sorry.

First of all, you need to make a plan.  Plan whether to go c/t or to taper off.  Also plan to get all of the ingredients in the Thomas Recipe.  You'll find that in the Health Pages.

If you work, try to take some time off.  You may need assistance with caring for the child also.

Plan to have extreme anxiety, you won't sleep and have zero energy.  This will feel like a real bad flu, but you can get through it.

I advise that you stay on this forum 24/7 for support and any questions you may have.

As for whether or not to taper.......well it's not an easy thing to do.  Neither is cold turkey.  Tapering is easier on withdrawals, but won't get you out of them completly.  A lot of people fail at tapers including myself.  As long as there were pills around, and just as soon as the withdrawals got unbearable, I'd take just to feel better.  

We all know about the energy.  It's amazing how we actually enjoy doing things that we hate to do when we're on pills.  It makes accomplishing nasty tasks enjoyable.  You won't have that kind of energy for a really long time.  But there are things to help with that in the Thomas Recipe.

Telling people we have the flu is our way of hiding detox.  It really does feel and appear to be the flu, so people will believe you.

Some people advise to tell the spouse, but I've read many cases where it backfires, so be careful with that.

Before you set the date for your planned detox, read everything on this forum for a good education as to what to expect.

I wish you the best.
Pamela