Having a hard time

[LADYDI4185]

I am really having a hard time with stopping hydros.  i cut back from 8 to 4 then three but yesterday things got stressful and i took 4.  Sometimes i feel like i just take a few more to get through this crisis and then start to taper when i'm stronger.  I know how ridiculous this sounds, i read the posts on this site but when stress or pressure enters my life, i reach for a pill.  I guess one good thing is that i realize what triggers me to use.  I am disappointed with myself for using 4 pills after going 4 days of only taking three but i can't help it!  Any suggestions on how to cope with stresses that enter our lives and how to deal with them?  Any help would be appreciated!!!  Ladydi4185

[newchapter]

I totally understand turning to the oxycodones for support during rough times. I had to go c/t, as I was at the point of not being able to get another script for two weeks, and I can't afford to start going elsewhere for them, besides I would be too worried about getting into trouble with the law. Noone knows the extent of my addiction and I need to keep it that way. I really got tired of always being worried where the next script was coming from, it starts to take over your life. I wish you luck with the tapering, and I do agree that if you don't have anyone to dispense them to you, maybe you should consider c/t.

[kim715]

It will be a huge help.Keep us posted.All the best hon....Kim

[LADYDI4185]

Thanks for your support.  What you are saying makes total sense.  I will look for a meeting to attend, I think that will be a huge help!

[kim715]

I understand what you are saying about testing yourself.Think of it this way,remember when you were in high school and you had a test coming up and you thought you were prepared enough for it that you didn't have to hit the books the night before.So then you take it and you don't pass,BUT there will be a make up test.So now you know you have to study,you've learned from your mistake,and you enlist the help of family or a really good friend to help you out.I know this is on a totally different level then any test in high school was and I'm not trying to make light of your situation at all.I;'v been where you're at and I know it's hard.Just trying to make the point that sometimes in life we all need help,and when situations come up and we don't 'pass the test; the first time.We live and learn and fix what didn't work.Is there one person in your life that you can confide in and who would be willing to help you out by holding the pills?It's real hard to do this on your own hon and theres nothing wrong with asking for a little help.

Don't let the fear of what you've heard about a few NA meetings keep you away.They are NOT all like that.I'm not saying it doesn't happen.You just need to shop around and find one that works for you.The first few NA meetings I attended were like that so I started attending AA meetings at the church across from where I live.Now I have found a wonderful NA meeting with great supportive people,I love it.

[LADYDI4185]

I hold on to the pills myself.  I felt this was testing me to not take them in a way rewarding myself if i did not take that "extra" pill.  I am not in a recovery program, sort of afraid, some people say those NA meetings are just places to get more drugs?!  I don't know what to do i want to keep this my secret, keep up the perfect image and quit on my own- crazy?!  Many people depend on me, i.e., family, friends, work, etc. so no time to fall apart. HELP!!!!!

[kim715]

First of all hon,that doesn't sound ridiculous.It's happened to many of us who ever tried to taper and were not successful at it.I'm one of those people.Tapering was not an option for me,never had the willpower,c/t was the only way I was going to do it.Many here have been very successful with tapering though.Are you holding the pills or is someone else holding them for you? If you are going to taper it's probably best if you have someone you can hand them off to and not have access to them yourself.Recovery care is how I learn to deal with stresses,had to learn some new coping skills.do you participate in any type of recovery care like meetings or counseling?