5591135 tn?1380168056


I am not able to access my old account at the moment. I have sent an email and am waiting for a response but I could not stand it any longer & I wanted to come here and tell you all that I am sorry. Please bear with me..I am a little choked up at the moment. This is hard. I want to say that all the prayers were heard ( Ill explain more later about that) and mean so much to me. I cant seem to find the right words to tell you how much that really means to me. I am going to explain in detail the events that preceded my suicide attempt here in the next few days. Maybe then you will understand kinda the frame of mind I was in & just what happened in general. I am so happy to be home! So for now,,Thank you! Each every one of you! I love you!

48 Responses
Avatar universal
I want you to know you are cared for, loved and prayed for...all my thoughts, blessings and prayers continue to go out to you and your family...

Avatar universal
We've never communicated, but we have mutual friends and I have been following your husbands posts.
I'm so glad you're back with us and well.  Take your time, and welcome back. :)
Avatar universal
It's great that you checked in honey...

I'm glad you're home with those babies!!

I'll write more later...I sent you an email...

Much love!!
495284 tn?1333894042
We love you Bkitty and we will always be here for you.  Enjoy your time right now at home.  We are still sending prayers for you all over the globe.  

Hugs to you and Tony~sara
1235186 tn?1549257619
awww hi honey. it is so good to hear from you. I have tears of joy for you and your hubby. we are so thankful that you felt our prayers, we are so thankful that you fought your way back, we are so thankful for GOD's mercy and grace and for answering our prayers.
take care of you. you have a wonderful and supportive husband who has kept us updated. we are very grateful  for that.
sending continued prayers and blessings to you and tony,
((((((hugs))))))) back at ya.
495284 tn?1333894042
Tony has been great keeping us posted on how you are doing.  We are very grateful for him also.
Avatar universal
Oh BKitty although we did not speak on the forum I'm just so darn Happy to see this post !! so happy and relieved.. I'm so Grateful our Prayers were felt and heard.. May the good Spirits hold you protect you and yours BKitty.. Welcome home.. warmly lesa
1742220 tn?1331356727
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  woo HOOOOO!!!!  Bkitty you're back you're back you're back yayyyyyyy!!!!!!  I was so excited when I saw this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I knew you were going home today but I did not expect you to post so fast.  omg we are so glad to have you back you don't know how glad!!!!! waiting for this moment!  welcome back bkitty we LOVE YOU--Meegy
4522800 tn?1470325834
Ya!!! Welcome Back and so so glad you are at home with your loving Husband by your side! You just take care of you right now and we will looking forward to talking with you soon..Just know that everyone does care and they do listen..They have been giving my mom & I prayers too!! Very Caring & Loving Souls out here in this big world of ours.
Avatar universal
And the joy continues....Welcome back Kitty. So great to hear form you. xx
1855076 tn?1337115303
I am so sorry for what you've  gone through .  Iive been reading your posts for a very long time. You've helped so many and I am sorry for what ou're oing though. Prayers.
5591135 tn?1380168056
Thank you all so very much! I am heading to get registered for outpatient this morning. Trying to catch up! Doing the walk of shame. I am feeling a little overwhelmed about today but going at it one minute~one step at a time. Baby steps. I wish I could get my old account back but then in a way I am scared. This is a new start for me. You all mean the world to me. I cant thank you all enough for the amazing support & prayers that were said for me. It means so much. My husband is being a little overprotective. I can tell he is scared to have me home~he was scared to leave me alone today and go to work. Just so you know he will not be joining the SA forum. He knows this forum is "off limits" to him as I need my own personal place. He joined the Living with Addict forum so if you feel like it can you check in on him over there a little bit? This is my place. My recovery. Im not trying to kick him out LOL I just want it separate. Ill explain more later.

Im so glad that I have all of you in my life. I will keep you close to my heart as I begin my recovery and steps needed to get me and my life back. I do want to admit that I relapsed a week before my suicide attempt. Ok.......I said it. I fell hard. Really hard. Im back to square one. Im humbled. On my knees. Ill post later after I get all set up with outpatient. ((((((hugs)))))))
Avatar universal
Certainly understand wanting your own playground to work your recovery. So happy Bkitty, you are ok. Really happy. You mean much to us all on here and again you'll teach us thru your trials. Go easy with yourself. You've been thru much in the last few weeks. xx
480448 tn?1426948538
Sending you lots of love.

I think having a seperate place is very important.  I agree completely!

One step at a time is right honey.  You've been through a lot.  You know no one will judge you here.  Time to stop being a hero, and reaching out for help.

Hang in there.

Avatar universal
Bkitty. I'm so glad to hear you are recovering well and getting back into the swing of things. We all fall down, what matters is you're getting back up. Please don't ever feel like a failure, addiction is so powerful and alters our perception of everything. Tough times are magnified by your addiction and I really know how that feels so please hold your head high....you are coming back from this hopefully stronger and more determined. Lots of hugs to you.....
Avatar universal
Such Great words Andie.
1436598 tn?1332896533
Sending love to you and your husband and scritches to the dog and (sigh) yes the cats too :)

I don't have the addiction component thankfully but I do suffer from major depressive episodes and have a suicide attempt in my past too. I didn't do it quite as spectacularly as you and just ended up in the ER and then on a psych hold. You will get through this, and its so great that you have a plan and are going for it! (many hugs)

Avatar universal
It is abolutely wonderful to see you back in the forums.
5591135 tn?1380168056
LOL! The first thing I heard the doctor saying that I could fully comphrend was him telling my hubby that "I meant business" with this attempt. That this was more than a cry for help. I think I tried to respond,,but not so easy with a tube in your throat and your hands tied to the bed. I was put back in twilight for a few more days. When I really came to my husband was wiping my face because I had snot running out my nose/mouth from me pulling my tube out! What a lovely picture. My poor husband. :/
I wont be doing that again!!!! Thank you all again for everything. Im headed out! I will catch up later! ((((hugs))))
4804873 tn?1360162537
So very glad that you are back and surrounded by your fur babies and hubby!  Yay!! Take care of YOU sweetie!
Avatar universal
It is so wonderful to see you back! We haven't had much interaction on here, but I am so relieved you are ok, and headed toward a brighter future. We have all been praying hard around here for you to recover. You must be amazingly strong, even if it doesn't feel like it now.It sounds like it was a very close call.
I think that Andie said it best in her post, so I won't reiterate:) just so happy you are back.
2030769 tn?1343647674
i'm so happy you are ok.  Your life is so valuable and God made you for a very special reason.  
2218783 tn?1357571081
I am so glad to see you posting and I Just want to say you are a very special person with alot of great qualities and a good heart please take care of yourself and just remember you have alot of people that care about you and that have said many prayers for you. God Bless you and hold you in his arms and give you peace . I pray that while you are taking the steps needed in your recovery that you don not feel overwhelmed just remember you can get thru this and you are very loved.
5591135 tn?1380168056
Well I made it thru the day. I am enrolled in outpatient and will be going everyday from 9-2p. Honestly I am just going thru the motions right now. I am unsure how to feel anymore. Im humiliated but happy to be here? Does that make sense? Im having trouble identifying my feelings today. I felt like a robot..see the doctor, pee in a cup, have blood drawn,go here then there.  I didn't say very much today in group. I was checking everyone out and I sensed they were sizing me up to. The counselor introduced me and I told them all why I was there. Right now I am holed up in my room. My hubby went and got his kid who was at his moms.I wasn't ready to deal with her just yet. But it is what it is...I may go riding thru the woods in a little bit and just breathe in the fresh air. So I guess I am ok. I will be..that I do know. Thank you all again!!
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495284 tn?1333894042
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