Help :( Please

[xXDaisyXx]

oh god, ive been sat her for I dont no how long trying to get myself to type ...But am finding it difficult being able to see it in black and white. The guilt is eating away at me. The guilt of allowing myself to not only have an addiction to drugs, but to let it go on for this long. I'm totally and utterly disgusted in myself, ashamed & annoyed! I started taking ampthetamine about 3/4 years ago. At first it was just on a weekend when I would go to friends houses and they would have it. This went on for 12-18months. Then somehow after being in a violent relationship, going through the breakup process, being moved out the area with the help of domestic violence etc etc etc I somehow found myself taking it every other day... then abit more.. till evenually, Now... I feel I need it everyday. To function. To cope. To block out reality. To numb my feelings. To make me smile...Although deep down im not smiling, im riddled with guilt. Ashamed is not the word. I feel so isolated, scared. Scared of people discovering my secret if I carry on.... scared of falling into depression if I stop. Scared Im ruining my child's life. At the minute I just cant see a way out of it. And to top all things, my grandma .... who i love dearly is very ill in hospital, and may not have long left to live & for months the build up to her becoming poorly I have blocked out, and been in denial..so it has kind of hit me quite hard now, but I need to do this for her, for my son. and for me. I need to sort my life out

[kc156]

Hi Daisy. Long time ago I was hitting meth for some years.I found no physical w/d but boy the mental.Must have "quit" a thousand times,always at the end of a run of 3 or 4 days.It gets real depressing when you come down.Finally got away from the people with the supply,and that let me get away from it.Maybe you could condider this,cause as you know,if it is there,you will take a hit.   good luck in getting free of it.                          karl

[gnarly_1]

HI Daisy welcome to the forum ..you came to a good place to seek help we will be here for you as you go thew this the first thing you need is the desire to stop then depending on what you taking you will have some withdrawals from it its not so much the substance your on but the symptoms of addiction we try and address the drug is only a symptom of the underling addiction...sound to me like you have had your share of drama in you life untill you get to the root of these issues you will use your DOC you need to come up with a plan to quit if you can put a few days aside to do this..personally im not familiar with your DOC and dont know what the withdrawal symptoms will be but someone here will come along that does just give it a chance to post for a wile...we try and help everyone by encouraging them to stop and start to put there lives back together...you may want to check out an N/A meeting there will be people there that understand your problem and can help you thew it aftercare does help out a lot for right now just check back later in the day im sure someone on this forum know what your about to go thew...good luck and God bless......Gnarly      

[CinChelle]

I felt very ashamed and embarrassed with my addiction. The thing that helped me with that part was just telling myself that everyone has f*cked up somehow and at some point. They fixed it and so can I. Sitting inside not talking to anyone will make u dewl worse. I'm onlh on day 5 and I'm finsing myself telling anyone who will listen. even people I meet outside. Its been freeing. And the people u least would think of normally have a story to tell which is freeing to them. Its kinda like paying it forward. Sunshine has also been a godsend. U can do it and it may suck at first but I'm feeling more and more like me everyday and I started to forget 'me'. Good luck.

[vicki595]

Hi~   You need to stop.  "Speed kills."    Do you have a doctor?  You might want to check in and be honest...

You've got a lot going on and your family needs you!  Better to stop now before it gets
even more out of control...
Keep posting~
Vicki