Here I go again

[Pat1956100]

I am on day 1 again opiate free.  My tylenol 3 taper which I was doing to help get off the percs and oxy's didn't work.  I started out okay but just ended up binging on them.  I keep making it to day 2 and then cave and ended up having to buy some percs.  In the last week I have been on day 2 about 3x.  
I need to post so I have to be accountable to someone as I can't do it alone.
I am feeling really sick right now and have all the bad withdrawal symptoms.  Hoping to feel okay by the end of the weekend.  This has to be the last time for me.  I am truly done and sick of pills.  I don't even get high off them anymore.  They just make me feel normal and take away the depression and anxiety for a little while.  
I was really looking forward to enjoying this summer pill free and it's not too late.  I can do this with help from this forum.

[Pat1956100]

haha, you have to blame my mother.  I swear i wasn't even thinking about the other stuff.  It was all about my detox.  I don't even know why she told me.
I was just curled up with my cat and trying to think good thoughts.  
Usually my mom makes me laugh when I call her.  Not today.
I'm okay though, really I am.  Except for feeling like crap, hurting, sick to my stomach, I am okay. I wish i had a maid and could ring a little bell and ask him(it may as well be a hot male maid because it's a fantasy) to bring me some crackers and rub my back.

[Sonrissa]

How about we get through the detox first and THEN think about the other stuff! Just try to focus on feeling better! I'm here if you want to talk!

[Pat1956100]

I phoned my mother and she was going through sympathy cards and getting rid of them.  She told me I needed to do that with John's.  Ummm, I don't think so mom.  She has no idea that I am detoxing but just picturing her going thru cards from my sister's death kind of freaked me out.  
My sisters came last weekend and cleaned out most of my sisters things and left my mom with bags to get rid of but she is going thru them now.
Ugh, I know why I used.   I know why I keep relapsing.  I just have to be stronger than my grief now.  I really think I am.  It still hurts like hell and if I hadn't used I would be so much further through it now but it's time to deal and heal.

[Pat1956100]

I phoned my mother and she was going through sympathy cards and getting rid of them.  She told me I needed to do that with John's.  Ummm, I don't think so mom.  She has no idea that I am detoxing but just picturing her going thru cards from my sister's death kind of freaked me out.  
My sisters came last weekend and cleaned out most of my sisters things and left my mom with bags to get rid of but she is going thru them now.
Ugh, I know why I used.   I know why I keep relapsing.  I just have to be stronger than my grief now.  I really think I am.  It still hurts like hell and if I hadn't used I would be so much further through it now but it's time to deal and heal.

[Sonrissa]

Hey sweetie! I agree about the food! Eat something, OK?  Hang in there! You are doing well! Sending you strength!!

[conhall]

good Job You sound very positive :) Glad you slept Get some food down it will help you