Hi, all! I'm back lol. Only now, I mean business. ;)

[stayathomemom75]

Hello again to anyone and everyone who might remember me!
I logged in last year with a self-righteous attitude nowhere NEAR ready to give up my precious Tramadol.

Well, as we all know, the government has its hands in my medicine cabinet once AGAIN and now my DOC will officially be unavailable to me in less than a month. Sigh.
So this week I've placed my last online order and have started, with the help, support and cooperation of my husband, a long, slow taper.

2 weeks ago I was sticking to my normal 8 per day of 50mg pills. The next week down to 7 and this week I'm at 6.
Hubby is out of town all day and evening so I'm REAL tempted today to splurge and take one extra since my "monthly friend" is in town and I'm sick of the cramps - ugh. Also, I've been having a LOT of trouble sleeping since I'm worried about this taper plan. This is being forced on me and it's not something I want to do so it's pretty hard to accept that I *can* do it.
My friends and family believe in me and think I'll conquer this but I'm much less confident than they are.

For our wonderful nurse and anyone else who might be interested I have been taking Tramadol only for about 2.5 years now and my taper covers about a 3 month time span. That should be plenty of time to to ease my way into it, right?
I know hell is just right around the corner so what do I have to look forward to with a slow taper instead of a quick CT? Any tips, advice, words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!
You all will be seeing a lot more of me and I promise to stay dedicated and to take to heart every word anyone has for me.
Thanks for reading and Memphis love goes out to you all!! :)

[stayathomemom75]

I keep thinking back to this past January when I got the worst case of strep throat I've ever had. It began with a sore throat and a fever that started going up and down then progressed quickly to puking and knocked me down for the count, putting me eventually in the hospital since I was SO dehydrated and sick that I passed out!

The crazy thing is that, during this week, I was sooo very sick that I didn't take my pills! We're talking at least 3 full days where I either forgot or just plain didn't care about taking any Tramadol. My mom and hubby were encouraging me to just stick it out and keep up the CT but I was too weak of spirit to go thru with it. Plus, when the WD's started to sneak up right when I was starting to get better from my illness...well let's just say the prospect of "feeling better" far outweighed my desire to be clean.
My head just wasn't "there yet".

That next month I decided I was going to REALLY give tapering a try so I quickly tapered and was so excited by my progress that I was down to 2 a day...and even that felt like it was too much! I marveled at the power of "mind over matter" as my brain was keeping control of my faculties wonderfully!
However, it was short lived and once I got into the throes of WD's I quickly buckled and went right back to the pill bottle.
I just have the worst willpower in the whole world - this is NOT going to be anywhere easy for me. :(

[stayathomemom75]

Hey there.

No, not ordering from overseas because there's no need. I get my pills from a pharmacy in Texas and they get here either overnight or within 2 days. They even have really good prices - I'll miss them. :(

Not sure why you think CT is a lot harder because most sites I've read have said it's a BAD thing to suddenly stop on a high dosage like I've been taking. Plus, in the past when I've been forced to CT my blood pressure has gone thru the ROOF and I have zero access to a doctor. I also would have absolutely none of the other meds that would help me thru WD's like a few benzos and antidepressants.
No, I have tried CT several times and each and every time was an utter failure. I lasted less than 24 hours before I broke down and went to the hospital.
And, like I said, since this is another instance where I am being forced to quit I am confident that CT would be the *worst* idea since going from 8 or 6 a day down to nothing against my will would trigger ALL of my panic attacks and make things much, much worse for me than they really should be.
I've done a LOT of talking with my husband and we've both decided a slow taper will make things a lot easier on our whole family since I'm a mom of two high maintenance little boys and am a stay at home mom while he works full time. In fact, I'm a little confused as to why someone would think it harder to come down easily from 8 to 2 a day than just to simply throw them all out now and CT from 6. It just doesn't make sense in my head. :(

I even have a game plan for my first week or 2 weeks of WD's.
I've talked with my mom, who is also very supportive, and she's volunteered to either let me stay at her house while she watches the boys for me during the day or to let me stay at home (where I'll likely be most comfortable) and come down during the day to help me with the kiddos while I try and rest. Hubby will be home to help me out at night, should I need anything.

This is my best case scenario and the only thing I've got going for myself right now. My ideal would be to check into a medical detox place and try that out but it's VERY expensive and nowhere around my home does it anyway.
It would also be lovely to check into a rehab place in Malibu the way Britney Spears does and have a full time nurse plus hourly massages and gourmet meals delivered to me - but that ain't gonna happen either. ;)
Just have to try and be as kind and gentle to myself as possible because the nicer I am to my body - the easier the entire process will be for me.

[LISALOUEBK]

Hi everyone, and Wow!!! This is my first time on a forum like this and I have to say after reading lots and lots of post of some getting clean CT and some tapering my hat is off to each and all of you!! What you and I have been through is nothing short of the most courageous and miraculous! Now for my story: I am 50 yrs old and after some very traumatic events in my life and body in 05/06 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue, clinical and post partum depression (my brother died suddenly from cancer when I was 7 months pregnant). Anyway after having my son by c section the dr put me on lortab for pain. After my six weeks post surgery appt. He stopped giving me the pain  meds and I was still in pain physically, emotionally, mentally, and so fatigued I barely had energy too care for my newborn son. So I started seeking out a dr to treat fibro. Long story short, I found one who going by my suggestion only perscribed lortab 7.5. This lasted a few months and my dosage was raised to 10/325 norcos. I stayed on them and kept lying to myself saying I had to have them bc the dr said so.(yeah right??? What a crock!!!)) Anyway, I kept running out way before my next refill and got to the point where I was going through withdrawal every three weeks or so. Last week I took my last pill on thursday and decided I was done. I called my doctor and asked for help to taper off and told her I was out. Found no sympathy there. She told me I had two choices. I could go to a suboxone clinic or the er (and they would give me medicine for the wd pain) but she would not give me more pills to taper off with. So my husband carried me to the ER that evening. We are uninsured so I knew the suboxone clinic wasn't even an option. I got to the ER at about seven that evening. After 5 hours in the waiting room they finally call me back. The dr comes in and I spill it all to him. He is talking to me about how lethal pain med is as he pulls the sheet down. Ha, upon realizing that I still have my clothes on he tells me I have to change and he will be back in a minute. Ugh..... 4 hrs later he comes in with my discharge papers and a phone number to call behavioral health the next day. He did absolutely nothing but check my tylenol levels. Let me just stop right here and say that I personally have gotten more information, support, and compassion from forums like this one and none from anyone in the medical proffession! That's just the truth..... so with the loving support of my husband,family, and following the thomas recipe and drinking gallon by gallon of powerade I am on day 6 of my cold turkey quest off opiods. I have been through pure he** but am so very proud of myself. At this point the only pain is in my lower back and right leg. I still have the craving but I can honestly say its not strong enough for me to give in and miss out on the quality of  life and being able to see the beautiful light in my sons eyes. I never ever want to be in that medicated fog, away from reality (the good and bad) again. For me actually I think the cold turkey way is the best. I just cannot stand the thought of dragging out the sick, sick, sickness for months on end. As I read on one mans posts pertaining to c/t vs tapering he said, why cut off a dogs tail a little snip at a time, go ahead and do it once and for all and get it overwith. This clicked with me bc I know myself. In closing I just wanna say, choose whatever works for you and do it. You know it the best thing for your health. And there is never ever a bright light at the end of the deep dark tunnel of addiction. Only gloom and doom. I thank all of you. Ya'll have encouraged me when you didn't even know I was reading your posts. Thank you for letting me vent and God bless you all with Strength, wisdom, peace, and healing of mind, body and soul!!!! Phil 4:13.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

[CutYourSources]

I've read this whole thread and I must say a few things concern me. Are you buying tramadol online through overseas meds sites? You also seem to be under the impression that tapering will be much better and easier than cold turkey which in my opinion is alot harder. No one can promise you that you'll feel 'ok' by next week as detoxing has a physical and mental part, mental (being the hardest and where people relapse and stop posting on this site) a week or more of low motivation, low energy and wanting a 'just one pill' to make just today better or 'just one pill' because I've been so good being clean for these past days. Good luck on your taper. You've already said so yourself you're not looking forward to next week for selfish reasons and because you'll no longer get the body buzz anymore by decreasing your intake. That's the exact reason why tapering is so hard and can prolong the hard physical wds to weeks instead of 2-3 days.

[gnarly_1]

Hi well your being givin great advise tram can be a problem to detox from  but we have many members that have done it I think I  detoxed off just about everything but tram tapering takes perseverance and it is great your hubby is on board it is vital that you dont yo/yo your dose up and down the brain will crave this drug and will play games with you there is a antidepressant in it so you kinda feel down and out for a wile time to get a case of gatoraid  ebsom salt for your baths ivuprofine for acks and pains  and remember this fraze
...................''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile''
this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental a positive attitude goes a long way  keep posting we all want to see you make it...........Gnarly

[stayathomemom75]

Eddie,

I was being lighthearted about the subject because I'm still in the "comfortable" stage and dreading what's to come.
No one said there is anything funny about detox and/or addiction. Just dealing with this the best way I can because it's about to get very real and very hard VERY fast.

Sorry if my comment upset you but I wasn't writing it for you. Try not to take *anyone* else's post personally. Just relating through positivity and my cheerful sense of humor, since it's all I have right now while the odds are stacked against me. :)

[Eddie202]

Ok. Sorry. Just can't stand this sometimes and so this message sort of hit me the wrong way. Thank you Lady.

[LadySailor86]

Eddie nothig funning during detox. We lol when and where we can even if it's just habit to type and we hurt too bad to hit the back space. Hang in there.

[Eddie202]

Sorry, new here, but I have to ask - what is "lol" about getting clean and addiction? I find nothing lol about it. Again - I'm new and still in detox.

[4kieran]

I was on same meds for same time periods as you (great job).  Can you
tell me the sub dosage you W/D from?

[stayathomemom75]

So it's Wednesday morning which means only 4 more days of my comfy 6 per day regime and then it's down to the wire.
Naturally, I'm not looking forward to next week but mainly for selfish reasons. I like the way the Trams make me feel and by the time I cut back that much I'll only be maintaining yet not getting that nice warm "body buzz" anymore. Kinda makes me sad to give that up.
I know, I know, cry me a river right? Lol, sorry - just expressing where I am from day to day.

At least I can know that I'll feel ok next week and no WD symptoms will be crashing down on me yet.

Aftercare will be a different issue entirely since I let my license expired a couple of months back so I can't drive and hubby uses the car full time for work anyway.
Is there any way to Skype with other addicts? Maybe phone someone to get a sponsor? Surely in this 21st century we have ways of reaching out without physically being somewhere.

[stayathomemom75]

Yaay I'm glad you remember me, nursegirl! ;)
I'm still just as feisty but now I won't be arguing against your advice, I'll be taking it and sailing in the same boat as everyone else.

Oh and don't worry about my "control" issue. Hubby left town this early this morning and forget to take my week's meds with him but other than that I've given him my ENTIRE supply and he keeps it in his possession, out of my hands. So tempted or not, I am not capable of cheating. ;)

I saw someone post in another thread that when they taper they *only* take a pill, or half a pill, when they start to feel crappy - when the WD's are just only starting to kick in. I've felt from my experience that if I wait *that* long that it takes more of the drug to get me back to normal so I normally dose 2-3 times a day. With 6 per day now I'm taking 3 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon and 2 at night.

The cool thing is, when I get my head in the game and can really start to accept that this is my new reality I can make my own body feel like 6 a day is TOO MUCH! :) I'm not sure how I do it but when I really commit to the taper plan there have been times when I've woken up in the middle of the night having that "overmedicated" feeling that I usually *never* get.
Just gives me that little boost of confidence I know I'll need.

Tell me, nursegirl, since I know you can't comment on the time span of my taper - can you give me some idea what I'm in for when I "take the plunge"? The times I've gone CT due to running out have been sheer heck and I without a doubt know I'm not strong enough to make it thru that again, especially when my hand is being forced to begin with.
If I can be at least relatively sure that the transition will be much milder that would really set my mind at ease.
I'm also thinking of starting up an anti-depressant in my last month and even getting a small supply of sleep meds, BP pills and perhaps a few Xanax - I never have liked those and would only be using them for a week at most so I'm not worried about adopting them as my new DOC.

Oh and I've moved since I last wrote to you all. I no longer live inside Memphis city limits where I had access to street pills. Instead I live in a very tiny town just south of the TN/MS state border and if there is any access to anything down here I'm not aware of it. I have no "connections" and none of my family take my DOC so I'll really be stuck with nothing. And you're right, nursegirl, it likely is the best thing for me. :)

[nursegirl6572]

I DO remember you!  You're a feisty one!  LOL.  I think you described yourself very well in your OP.  ;0)

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position, but maybe look at it like a Godsend?  I DO agree that people who are forced into trying to get clean struggle a lot more than the people who are "there".  Thing is, it's hard to MAKE yourself want it.   HARD, but not impossible.

The good thing is, you've heard all of our advice, numerous times, and you KNOW the things you have to do to increase your chance of success.  A taper is good, but I worry you will not be compliant.  Your addict brain is already trying to talk you into a "one more time"...you know?

So, the things you need to do and COMMIT to, wholeheartedly is (courtesy of Kyle)....

1.  Eliminate your sources.  Most of this is being taken care of for you already, with the law changes, but don't fool yourself.  Where there's a will, there's a way.  Addicts are some of the most clever, resourceful people you'll ever meet.  TRULY.  You've got to put a LOT of work into making sure you're as far away from pills as possible.  That goes for other opiates, because, like mentioned above, it's very typical for people to switch up their DOC when they lose a source.

2.  Tell your secret....it sounds like you've got hubby on board, which is awesome.  You also mentioned that your family thinks you can do this...so I take it several people are aware?  If so, that's really great!  The bigger your army, the better your chance of winning the battle.

3.  AFTERCARE!!!!!  You cannot just "get clean", you have to put the WORK into learning everything you can about addiction, YOUR addiction, what triggers you, how to handle cravings, relapse, etc.  Getting clean without getting active in a recovery program is like spitting on a fire.  It's just not enough.  

You CAN do this...it's going to take time, and it's not going to be the most pleasant thing you've ever done, but when you make it to the other side and FREE yourself from being chained to these pills, you'll be SO glad you endured every bit of it.

I'll be anxious to follow along sweetie!

[StayingClean25]

you have to really want it, not to discourage you, but i've learned when you are forced to give up meds, aka Tramadol becoming a narcotic, your prone to look elsewhere, just keep that in mind and stay strong..  good luck

[VICourageous]

Hi & Welcome back..As you know we can not give taper advice because we are not Drs nor do we know your Hearth History. I would just take it nice and slow and let your body/brain adjust between the drops, BUT the best way is to go talk to your Dr so they might be able to help with some temporary meds they use..Other wise I think you were here long enough to read all the vit/min we suggest. Some for calming you down and some to help sleep..Some for anxiety and some that help your energy. Right now just drink lots of fluids and eat very healthy and take those vit/min..This way you will give your body time to build up a good immune system that will help during the detox period..Foods like berries and such are great antioxidants. The detox will be over soon, that is the easy part, it is working on staying clean that take the cake..I sure hope you can set up some aftercare right now. This is a disease and as all diseases it will take some support..If you think you were hiding behind this for other reasons than you might want to UP this support in others areas. I had almost 18 in when I lost 4 family member's (parents) in a 90 day period..Sure I wanted to run & get drunk or high.. BUT  I had to UP my support and go to some grieving meetings too. Life will not always be peaches and cream and unless we learn new coping skills, this can be very bad for us addicts. We can use every single excuse in the book to use..This is all been proven in a more scientific way as well. I am also glad you did not hit your Rock bottom or damage some of your insides due to drug/alcohol use..Just be Safe and get that Support..Do not dwell on the detox part to much..It is the after that takes SO much work..I do wish you the best and this time around I sure hope you do have Patience and give it the TIME it needs.
Bless

[stayathomemom75]

Chevy,
Did you taper like I am? How long did you taper and by how much?
If you went CT then I can only imagine the hell you're going thru as I never made it more than 24 hours into the WD's from CT before I desperately, and with shame, went to the hospital.

[61chevy]

Yes...you will b fighting a bear soon.  But you CAN do this.  I was on lortab, percocet, vicodin, etc for 12 years....dr put me on suboxone 5 years ago.  Today is day 10 of not taking suboxone.  It has been a brutal experience but I am starting to feel human again.  Sobriety is worth it.  My prayers are with you.  Hang in there n b determined.

[stayathomemom75]

Oh also, this addiction is pretty much entirely psychosemantic as I have no real pain to speak of.
I started taking these right after my father died to escape since they often make me sleepy so there's my *other* monster yet to tackle - the fact that I have been taking a pill (some kind of pill) to sleep for over 10 years now.
Pretty sure the mental hold that particular monster has on me outweighs the Tramadol itself.