How can I help my 18 yr old son?

[Nena7363]

I dont have proof that my son is using but all signs point that way. He has cut everyone who is important to him off and won't talk to any of us. He has lost a significant amount of weight,he has violent outbursts,is very disrespectful. He spends money without having anything to show for it. I'm at my wits end,I dont know what to do besides whip his a*s and believe me,he has pushed me to that point. So if anyone can help me,I would greatly appreciate it.

[10356]

Hi Nena. Welcome to the forum. Jifmoc gave you excellent advice. With you at your wits end your son who you know by now is a addict is winning. This means his addiction is winning. If you were to calm yourself confront your son and let him know No more No more yelling No more crying No more money No more free living No help at all. Either he joins AA NA our if you have the means Rehab then he is no longer welcome in your life. Oh I know this is harsh but your son will use your love to further his addiction. What you supply in food he does not It goes to furthering his addiction Gas you pay for he does not furthering his addiction no rent to work for furthering his addiction Cutting him off makes him the only one responsible. He may get in trouble His problem as long as he is using He may call and beg but as long as he is using no. It is the only way with a addict. Your son is not in control his addiction is. He is the only one that can take control of it by Voluntarily entering Rehab our AA NA and being consistent.. It is difficult for someone to understand that has not been there. Addiction is not easy for our loved ones You need to protect yourself gather your strength for when he is ready.. Love your son but do not enable his addiction. You have to let him go to get him back. AlAnon would be such a excellent support for you. There is a thread a few down from you with a mom asking how her son could make a decision for his sobriety when he is a active addict. I recommend you read it a couple of times Especially the moms reply it would be helpful to understand You are not alone Nena. Nip this in the bud Now so your son can feel the consequences of His addiction.. lesa

[jifmoc]

Well, whipping his azz won't get him sober. It will just make you insane. That's what living w/ an addict does.

Don't enable him in any way: no cash (that's vital) and don't buy his food or any other needs. We addicts need to crash and burn in order to realize we need help. You don't need to provide shelter for an addict, son or not. You'll will need to start thinking differently: calm and firm boundaries are in order, not screaming matches. Let him know what you won't tolerate and back it up with action.

Most importantly, get into an alanon meeting asap. That's where you will here many things that will help: how to deal with a loved one's addiction, what to do, what not to do, how to stay SANE.

Remember that that you and your happiness matter. You were not put on this earth to go insane trying to figure out someone else. Loved ones of addicts tend to forget they're own existence. You deserve better. Please find an alanon meeting. I can't recommend it enough.

[Danny111]

definitely cut off any cash.