Hey everyone I am 25 days clean (but I am on suboxone for the time being) I feel pretty normal but I am starting to realize I hate the person I am or at least I want to improve who I am. I also want to prepare myself as best as I can for when I do decide to come off suboxone. I have been attending NA meetings once a week, I like going to them and would like to work the steps but I know that involves a sponser. I havent reached out to get one because I know they are going to try to make me go to a meeting everyday and I Honestly have no time to go everyday I have filled my schedule up to keep me as busy as possible. I work 13+ hours a day, 4 days a week. And am attending school the other 3 and the rest of my time is spent studying (which I am beginning to enjoy, especially because I have been getting straight A's).
I wanted to work the steps by myself or at least with someone who would understand that I cant attending a meeting everyday. But they claim you cant work the steps without one and be successful. I mostly want to work the steps to get to the root of my addiction for me opiates, But I tend to replace now that I am clean. with women (sex) smoking, studying etc. (I become obsessive over these things) then I get bored and its onto the next.
I want to become a better person, I want to get to the root of my addiction, start to like myself and make something of my life. Right now I feel lost and confused, I know I have the ability to better the world but I havent found out how yet. I also just feel like I am not making any progress with my recovering in a sense that I just feel like the suboxone keep me from using but are not fixing the person I am. Giving the limited time I have and my situation does anyone have any tips/books/videos/suggestions on how I am improve myself and prepare myself for when I get off subs?
I know some of you are probably going to say "you found time to get high didnt you? well then you can find time to go to meeting" but I only used to use AT work, so time wasnt an issue because I was there. Any suggestions are welcome thanks for the help