Major Stress making it hard not to relapse

[InNeed88]

Well i'm at 18 days*i think* Clean from the norco...and my life is up in shambles right now UGH!! I have realized that i cant take being in the relationship im in anymore, He's mentally abusive and it's not good for my sobriety...So i've done what any dumb newly clean person trying to fix they're life would do. I ended it , BUT what makes it so hard and stressful is that we live together! So i'm still having to be around him right now, AND the kicker.... I'm going to be moving into my dads basement ( which is like HOARDERS down there UGH) So i have to clean out my dads basement ( we rented a dumpster ) then clean it dirt wise and then pack up my entire townhouse and get that all done!

So there has been my stupidity going on for the past few days which is why i havent been on here. Man i think i should just check myself into a white padded room somewhere

[SunnysideUP27]

It is a fresh start. Start in the basement and work hard to set new goals, move out, find a new love, new interests and find yourself. It is a long journey but man the things we can find out about ourself when we try. DO NOT USE! It will set you back to day one and you will have to start all over. Dont let anyone telly you otherwise.Stay the course, Just think, get through this and you can do anything. Stay strong!!! SUnny.

[VICourageous]

Oh boy there Girl..That evil monkey is messing with you Bad..Not only do you have the Stress (Like toothfairie said) You have someone trying to knock done those walls of sobriety.....All these things are called "TRIGGERS"..They will be in our life for the rest of our life...I Really relate with the house cleaning..I used my 2 meds to get everything done YESTERDAY !!!! And all at the same time..That is a big trigger..Just take baby steps and it will get done and better then when we used..Oh yes and the pain alot of us have these issues..You have been here a while and know what we all say about the things we use, so I will not go there..I am so pround of you do ditch this man..He sounds like he is not good for your recovery that is for sure..God will send you a clean and positive man your way in his time...Maybe you are just suppose to focus on you...Just hang tight and tuff up. Fight for your clean time...
PS Oh them darn dreams.....
vickie

[ricart70]

You are doing so great !!  just keep going and don't use for any reason.Even if you have to check yourself into the rubber inn for a day or so lol   keep it up  you are awesome!!

[InNeed88]

Yeslife4Me- Yeah that dream scared the hell outta me, It was the first one i've ever had like that!! Ugh and i sure hope i dont have another i felt sooo guilty for no reason.

and yea i am trying to stay positive with all this- He makes it harder because not only is he mentally abusive but he's also and awesome manipulator and passive aggressive so he's a reallllllllly good talker, just the actions never back it up. and of course right now he's being SUPER sweet and nice and loving trying to get me to stay UGH , now you act nice lmao

It's really hard this early into my recovery cause i dont feel strong and i'm VERY over whelmed.....lots of cleaning packing moving - plus i foster dogs and i had to give up my foster dog to a different foster family cause of this so i'm just like o man i'm loosing soooooo much at one (and i know taking a few steps back to get back to the right path isnt a bad thing)
I also am questioning EVERYTHING- second guessing myself non stop asking am i making the right choice am i doing the right thing and MAN that STINKS!!!
I've always been the strong independent person that had it all together knew what was going on made good choices( well minus the pill part but hey minor details)
So this is ALLL SO NEW for me and I DONT LIKE IT

[YesLife4Me]

Those pill dreams really shake a person up.  I would dream about hoarding them.  I would find them and take them for my stash.  I don't remember ever taking them in my dreams, but the fact that I was so desperate to have them really disturbed me.  Those dreams eventually subside.  Thank God!  

I am sorry to hear about your situation.  It's normal to feel bad.  You are grieving the loss of your relationship even though you know it's for the best.  The change is a big adjustment.  You will get through this and as you develop your new life you WILL realize it was the right thing to do.  You need to take care of YOU and your sobriety.  I've left mentally abusive men before and man can they really screw with your mind and try to make you feel horrible about yourself and decisions.  Don't let him in your mind anymore!!  Just think whatever, that's his problem, not mine.  Tell him I'm sorry you feel that way.  And don't say anything else.  There really isn't much to argue with when you say that.  

[toothfairie]

i was told by my counselor that those dreams are normal in early recovery....i've had dreams that i had pills in my hand or actually swallowed a pill and was trying to throw it up....i was in a panic when i woke up til I realized it was just a dream.....they will go away with time...but they do suck...lol  

[InNeed88]

Thank you so much Lesa, and Toothfairie i really appreciate it.
I'm not sure why but i had a awful nightmare last night that i was in the hospital for something, very hurt....and they kept wanting to give me pain meds and i kept saying no im not runing my clean time so they gave me something and said it was like a vitamin or something and it was methadone...(which ive never used before by the way) and i started freaking out thinking OMG even though it was norco its an opiate and omg i just ruined my clean time...when i woke up i felt guilty like i had taken something ( even though i havent) Scared the hell outta me and im sure i had that dream just cause of everything going on right now to

[TruckersWife18]

So sorry your going thru this.
But I agree just stay focused stay positive and strong. It's going to be rough but in the end you'll feel so much better you made this choice and you'll be sooo proud of yourself too.!

I am a newbie here and even thou I never abused my meds ( I was just dependant on them) it's truly amazing how much clearer my mind is and I also see how stressful life can be when your not only dulling your pain but your emotions too...

I wish you all the best  your in my prayers.
You CAN do this.
Peace
Lesa

[InNeed88]

I'm trying hard to just stay positive and remind myself this is for the better. Keeping myself busy is making it easier, but during it all i'll just start randomly crying cause it's all so overwhelming :(

That and all this cleaning and lifting stuff is killing my back and body i feel like i've been hit by a truck today....Which makes it hard to not want my meds even more

[toothfairie]

so sorry you are going thru all this right now.....but just keep your eye on the prize....your sobriety....you are doing a good thing right now it sounds like, distancing yourself from him.....stress is a major trigger for sure....just stay strong....you have come so far!  keeping busy will help you.....hang tough girl....you will get it all sorted out!