I just dont know anymore!!!!

[amity_76]

So I went to doctor today, he knows my problem completley and he said that with my conditiona and as painful as it is and that im trying to get bk to work and get on with life that cutting me off may send me over the roof, so I'm tired from lack of sleep from worry about today, work was short but great got 8 hr shifts now all week, so thats positive ....On the other hand he told me to give them to someone I trust and only try to take min dose, however on days where I swell he said I'm allowed to take 2 extras.I dunno what to do, not only do I want them for pain but what is happening is my husband who seemed so supportive in the begining is saying my pills are more important then his family but ya know what I'm sick of it, cause his F in weed is more important and at least I have a F in reason , not that I ever wanted to get wired or abuse them thats not how it all started as many know, it is not anyones INTENTIONS TO DO THAT!!!! I didnt ask for this painful lupus either and everyone has different experiences with it, I however am not having a good patch right now, and it makes it really diffulcult to live with a F in HYPROCRITE, at least I got the Balls to stand up and talk , really picks my *** when people that live in glass houses, and cast stones, clean up your own back yard before you start on mine, so needless to say, im lost, confused but I AINT GIVING UP AND IF HE LEAVES ME SO BE IT, I WONT TAKE ANYMORE OF IT.....................

[gnarly_1]

hi amity....sounds like you got your hands full....there will come a time that the pills quit working unless your taking crazy amounts of them.....I see you heading this direction
if you dont put the breaks on this....why dont you try that taper I suggested to you last night
and give it a try to get off of the stuff.....I know you suffer with chronic pain but several of or members do also including myself and we have found our pain a lot more manageable without the narcotic....its worth a shot....I road the narcotic train for 10yrs on the pills to the point morphine wouldn't even work we went to methadone from there for another 6 1/2 yrs
and that even quit working....do you really wont to go down a road like that....trust me you dont the addiction just gets progressively worst with more and more pills stronger and stronger pills till you wind up like me with a huge addiction to break and little hope
this will be a fight for you but it will be worth it in the end....if you find you cant live without them you can go back but at least give it a chance to find out what your bace line pain actually is.....good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[amity_76]

Ty you and your right im new to my town, just started new job and another really one coming up so ur right gonna get some help on ALL LEVELS.... really great support and I love it your right to the point, forgive me for being all over the map I certainly don't mean to , I am one of those people that never hold bk no matter how wrong it may sound at times I say it as it is , I like the honest bk ...thanks

[Punkinhead75]

oooooh!!!  I got xoxo!!!! LOL!!!!

[LeaAnn807]

I think I know what you are going through!  We all have something at home that is a possible trigger.  The thing is, you have to learn to deal with it or get away from it, so it can't be an issue in your recovery!  I want you to get clean and stay that way!  Have you thought about seeing a therapist?  It might really help in more ways than you think  : )

[amity_76]

Thank you , your right, doesnt make me anybetter and I honestly wasnt trying to justify it , just pissed off right now, I wish you trueley knew what I live with lol.. but and thanks for the advice, means much...god bless ya, and punkin thats exactley what me gonna do give them to a very good friend who will only give them to me when I need them , not just I want them ... thanks too xoxo

[Punkinhead75]

Thanks for sharing.  It sounds like you are pretty upset.  I hope it passes soon for you.  I have back trouble and occasionally need to take muscle relaxers.  Unfortunately I can't trust my wife to manage them for me.  She gives in to me too easily when I want them.  I ended up giving them to my neighbor.  She hangs on to them and gives them when I need them but she makes sure that I really need them.  Hang in there and keep letting us know how you are doing.  God BLess!!!!

[LeaAnn807]

I had a very good friend and smart woman tell me once that I should not "take pills AT anyone!"  It sounds like that is what you are about to do???  Don't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you do that.  Control what YOU can control and that's not anyone else or what they do.  Someone being a butthead hypocrite is not a reason to take pills!

Fight for yourself!  That's all any of us can do!