Aa
I need help.. I want to get better for my kids
I need so much help rite now. I'm currently addicted to codeine about 80mg a day habbit and roxys when I can find them. I don't know how my life ended up this way.. Every day I wake up and I have to take another pill and worry if I have enough or where in going to get the next batch from. I'm so depressed at this point I don't even want to take the pills I just feel like I have to so I can feel normal. I have three beautiful wonderful loving kids. They are my whole world and I would go to Hell and back to make sure they are safe and sound. And I have a wonderful husband who would and does do anything for me. I don't even know where to begin... My husband doesn't know about my addiction and I couldn't bare to tell him. I can't put up with the horrible wihdraws I have three kids I take care of all day I am a stay at home mom. How can I face this?? I want these pills out of my life I forget how how it feels to be normal!! I'm so scared to detox .. I know I can't hide withdraws.. Please help me I'm desprate and I want my life back for over 4 years not a day has gone by where I havnt taken something for pain. Any advise will help thank you for listening.
You've already taken a huge step in the right direction, by reaching-out to the good folks on this forum. Many of these same people were right there to support me through my detox and recovery. I do agree that you need to open-up with your husband, or someone close to you, so you have accountability to someone, other than yourself.
If you're serious about going cold-turkey, you MUST get rid of all your pills and cut-off your sources. This is scary, but that's the addiction causing the fear. Liberate yourself by flushing the drugs - all of them.
Just prior to my detox, I saw a doctor, who gave me some meds to ease the symptoms, so I was actually somewhat functional... but it's no walk in the park. I arranged to take a week off work. There are also some great over-the-counter products (Immodium is essential). Make sure to have a plan, and stay determined.
Keep on posting.
If you're serious about going cold-turkey, you MUST get rid of all your pills and cut-off your sources. This is scary, but that's the addiction causing the fear. Liberate yourself by flushing the drugs - all of them.
Just prior to my detox, I saw a doctor, who gave me some meds to ease the symptoms, so I was actually somewhat functional... but it's no walk in the park. I arranged to take a week off work. There are also some great over-the-counter products (Immodium is essential). Make sure to have a plan, and stay determined.
Keep on posting.
Hi there! & Welcome,
Congratulations on reaching out. You CAN do this! Four of our biggest enemies are: Fear, Secrets, Shame & Despair. My heart goes out to you & I want you to know that you're NOT alone & though your situation is difficult, it's not unique, as there are many moms & dads who have successfully kicked here at MH.
It's great that you realize that you won't be able to hide your w/d's. You'll also need support. What I've come to realize in my 9 + mos. @ MH, is that when we open up about our addiction to those around us, it's rarely the fact that we're addicts that bothers them but the fact that we didn't come to them sooner -- that we didn't trust them! The way you describe your husband tells me that you're one of the lucky ones. Imagine how terrible it would be for him to find out b/c you ended up in the hospital or in jail, etc instead of hearing it from you. He deserves to know & to have a chance to be part of your recovery. Also, when we tell those near & dear to us, we get the support we need & we are 'witnessed' by someone other than ourselves when it comes to staying clean. (I mean, think about it. If you could do it on your own w/o telling anyone, you wouldn't be here, right.) I promise you that telling him will be such a relief & will level the playing field for you.
Please, start telling yourself in every moment of every day that you've got to fight that fear -- that's keeping you from accessing the clarity & strength that are already within you (Yes...they ARE!!) & from leading the kind of life that you so want for yourself, your children & your husband. W/d's are a small price to pay for this. YOU deserve it & so do they. Start telling yourself this & try to look at your upcoming detox as an unpleasant but necessary initiation into the life of self-respect & love that you all deserve. Break those Shackles!!
Please, keep posting. We're here & we're in your corner.
I
Congratulations on reaching out. You CAN do this! Four of our biggest enemies are: Fear, Secrets, Shame & Despair. My heart goes out to you & I want you to know that you're NOT alone & though your situation is difficult, it's not unique, as there are many moms & dads who have successfully kicked here at MH.
It's great that you realize that you won't be able to hide your w/d's. You'll also need support. What I've come to realize in my 9 + mos. @ MH, is that when we open up about our addiction to those around us, it's rarely the fact that we're addicts that bothers them but the fact that we didn't come to them sooner -- that we didn't trust them! The way you describe your husband tells me that you're one of the lucky ones. Imagine how terrible it would be for him to find out b/c you ended up in the hospital or in jail, etc instead of hearing it from you. He deserves to know & to have a chance to be part of your recovery. Also, when we tell those near & dear to us, we get the support we need & we are 'witnessed' by someone other than ourselves when it comes to staying clean. (I mean, think about it. If you could do it on your own w/o telling anyone, you wouldn't be here, right.) I promise you that telling him will be such a relief & will level the playing field for you.
Please, start telling yourself in every moment of every day that you've got to fight that fear -- that's keeping you from accessing the clarity & strength that are already within you (Yes...they ARE!!) & from leading the kind of life that you so want for yourself, your children & your husband. W/d's are a small price to pay for this. YOU deserve it & so do they. Start telling yourself this & try to look at your upcoming detox as an unpleasant but necessary initiation into the life of self-respect & love that you all deserve. Break those Shackles!!
Please, keep posting. We're here & we're in your corner.
I
I don't think you're lost, otherwise you wouldn't be here. And you didn't answer my question about your husband smoking, etc.
There are hundreds of stories about addiction on this site; a couple are horrid. But when we get to this point, that is, when we know we have to stop, know that we're killing ourselves or know that we've let the addiction take the place of our children, then the past makes no difference. You have to let that go. And please, take my word for it, the hell I went through during detox is nothing compared to the heart break around the years lost that I should have been a father and been there for my children. I'll take detox any day...
I think that not telling your husband may be a mistake, but you know your limitations. If there is a friend or family member you can trust, then tell them about your addiction, getting clean, etc. You'll need a support system. And you have to get to meetings.
The addict's mind is very, very powerful. If you don't do things to help ensure your recovery then you will relapse. Maybe not right away, but in a month, year, who knows.
You are strong enough to get and stay clean, but you will never "beat" your addition. None of us do. The longer we're clean the better we manage it, and for true addicts, that's all we can hope for.
So, go cold turkey. Buckle up for a wild ride, but know that all will be over in a few days. Look at your children if you ever doubt what you're doing.
We'll be here for you.
K
There are hundreds of stories about addiction on this site; a couple are horrid. But when we get to this point, that is, when we know we have to stop, know that we're killing ourselves or know that we've let the addiction take the place of our children, then the past makes no difference. You have to let that go. And please, take my word for it, the hell I went through during detox is nothing compared to the heart break around the years lost that I should have been a father and been there for my children. I'll take detox any day...
I think that not telling your husband may be a mistake, but you know your limitations. If there is a friend or family member you can trust, then tell them about your addiction, getting clean, etc. You'll need a support system. And you have to get to meetings.
The addict's mind is very, very powerful. If you don't do things to help ensure your recovery then you will relapse. Maybe not right away, but in a month, year, who knows.
You are strong enough to get and stay clean, but you will never "beat" your addition. None of us do. The longer we're clean the better we manage it, and for true addicts, that's all we can hope for.
So, go cold turkey. Buckle up for a wild ride, but know that all will be over in a few days. Look at your children if you ever doubt what you're doing.
We'll be here for you.
K
I'm going to start cold turkey tomorrow. And I know there is no excuse that is going to make it rite for me not to tell my husband but I just don't feel like I can. When I was 13 I started doing cocane and ran away and was a addict for 5 years doing other drugs that stemed from the cocane use. One day I just hated my life and knew I had to stop so I joined the army and never looked back just quit cold turkey. Now there were a lot of painful things that happened to to me and I put myself through durring those 5 years of being a addict but I was strong enough to get past it. I hope I can do this again and it won't be that hard because I have more to live for now. My husband has been known to hold my past against me but it was a horrific past so I don't really blame him. So I just don't think telling him is a option. Even though never once as god as my witness have I ever touched another illegal substance since. I never turned back to that. Its so hard to think that I have another addiction to fight this time that I never meant to pick up. Even when taken responsibly these pills ruin lives. I have no other choice but ti face thus head on and pray that I am strong enough to beat it. Thank you so much for talking to me I'm just so lost.
Helplessmommy...you are not alone! There are other moms and dads on this forum. I have spent months reading these posts and talking with these people a bit and they are SO amazing! None of us MEANT to get addicted...I can tell you that. Unfortunately, it's quite simple to get access to the meds and it doesn't take long to gain a dependence. But I totally understand what you are saying about feeling 80. My body is falling apart right in front of me. It's the pills!!! I am about to start my detox this month because of this forum. Stay here, take there advice, do what's right! It's going to be hard but you're not alone and you have support and knowledge here!
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I KNOW because I did it for over 15 years. I will bring up the post I wrote this past Saturday titled Children vs. Addiction. Read the post and the responses from other parents.
You are scared of the detox; can't tell your husband, on and on. These are all just excuses not to do what you know has to be done. Your head is in control; you are letting your addict mind run and ruin your life.
You will get more help; other's will be along. But for now this is the what I can offer you...One day you'll wake up and your kids will be gone; out of the house, married, off to college, whatever. And all the years that you put your pills ahead of them will flood back and break your heart. And you can never get that time back. So I urge you, please stop. Don't waste another minute.
You've danced with the devil so pay him his due and move on. For your children.
K