Aa
Going Back To Work On Monday
So, I just need to write this all down. I am very new into my recovery. I posted a few days ago, but I will recap so that you will understand my post if you didn't read the last one.
I am a teacher. I was arrested for doctor shopping for Ambien and Hydrocodone. I had to report that arrest to my school. They reported it to the licensing agent for teachers. I am now under investigation. I have not been back to work since this happened because I have been in an in patient detox, but I am out patient as of last Friday. This means I need to go back to work on Monday. I was able to classify my absences as FMLA.
I am more terrified than anyone knows about going back to work on Monday. I am so scared that it is too much for me to handle. I am the primary bread winner, and I have twins to support. I do have a husband, but he has never been very capable of supporting us, and I don't think some miracle is going to come along making him capable of supporting his family allowing me to stay home with my babies. So I have to figure out what to do.
At this point, a number of things could happen. I could go in Monday only to be fired. I could be told to resign. I could be left to teach my classes as usual. We all know how others perceive drug addicts. For lack of a better way to put it, we are looked at as the pariahs of our communities. Of all of the things I could have been arrested for, doctor shopping is probably one of the worst. Administration doesn't want to touch this with a ten foot pole.
So I have to go back to a place where I am pretty much despised by the principal and central admin on Monday. I know that it cannot be worse than jail. I am thankful that at least it isn't that I am going back to jail on Monday, but I feel really anxious even thinking about going back. They have informed me that I will be subject to random drug testing. I have to abide by certain rules because I was arrested for a drug related crime.
The only option I would have other than going in and trying to fight this beast is to resign and take my retirement money out of the bank. This is very different for teachers because once we do that, we might as well consider ourselves out of education all together. What would you all do?
I am a teacher. I was arrested for doctor shopping for Ambien and Hydrocodone. I had to report that arrest to my school. They reported it to the licensing agent for teachers. I am now under investigation. I have not been back to work since this happened because I have been in an in patient detox, but I am out patient as of last Friday. This means I need to go back to work on Monday. I was able to classify my absences as FMLA.
I am more terrified than anyone knows about going back to work on Monday. I am so scared that it is too much for me to handle. I am the primary bread winner, and I have twins to support. I do have a husband, but he has never been very capable of supporting us, and I don't think some miracle is going to come along making him capable of supporting his family allowing me to stay home with my babies. So I have to figure out what to do.
At this point, a number of things could happen. I could go in Monday only to be fired. I could be told to resign. I could be left to teach my classes as usual. We all know how others perceive drug addicts. For lack of a better way to put it, we are looked at as the pariahs of our communities. Of all of the things I could have been arrested for, doctor shopping is probably one of the worst. Administration doesn't want to touch this with a ten foot pole.
So I have to go back to a place where I am pretty much despised by the principal and central admin on Monday. I know that it cannot be worse than jail. I am thankful that at least it isn't that I am going back to jail on Monday, but I feel really anxious even thinking about going back. They have informed me that I will be subject to random drug testing. I have to abide by certain rules because I was arrested for a drug related crime.
The only option I would have other than going in and trying to fight this beast is to resign and take my retirement money out of the bank. This is very different for teachers because once we do that, we might as well consider ourselves out of education all together. What would you all do?
head held high. pull all the self confidence out of you that you can muster.
as mentioned above. you have a disease. it can be put into remission and you can live a long, healthy, sober life.
thoughts are with you
as mentioned above. you have a disease. it can be put into remission and you can live a long, healthy, sober life.
thoughts are with you
Awe Honey-
You can't help worrying about the future because YOU ARE HUMAN! We all worry about the future and you have a big day tomorrow. No use in trying to sugar coat it.
Listen,
We are giving you this great advice but we are also telling ourselves. No matter how much I've worked on changing my thought processes and letting go of worry I still do it! I'm just better at it than I was before. And the brilliant part about getting clean and getting your sh*T together is that you don't sweat the small stuff as much as you used to.
But this isn't small stuff, I know. This is your career and it is a big deal.
You are just gonna have to feel the fear and do it anyways and continue to do this. Every day for the rest of your life without using.
When you do this, the fear becomes less but it NEVER goes away.
We are human and therefore afraid. Of things both real and imagined.
The thing that helps me the most with this is spiritual practice. I find this in yoga, in nature, in journaling, in the magic in the children I teach, in my interactions with others of like minds.
Many people I know, and especially on this site, give it over to God.
I don't believe in "God" but I do believe in Spirit. A power greater than myself that works in mysterious ways. So have faith that you are exactly where you need to be and that everything will work out as it should.
You cannot control how others think or act, but you have control over your own choices. Feel that power.
You can be the master of your own destiny.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyways gives you great personal power.
I will send up a prayer for you to the powers that be in the morning.
Peace...
Lu
You can't help worrying about the future because YOU ARE HUMAN! We all worry about the future and you have a big day tomorrow. No use in trying to sugar coat it.
Listen,
We are giving you this great advice but we are also telling ourselves. No matter how much I've worked on changing my thought processes and letting go of worry I still do it! I'm just better at it than I was before. And the brilliant part about getting clean and getting your sh*T together is that you don't sweat the small stuff as much as you used to.
But this isn't small stuff, I know. This is your career and it is a big deal.
You are just gonna have to feel the fear and do it anyways and continue to do this. Every day for the rest of your life without using.
When you do this, the fear becomes less but it NEVER goes away.
We are human and therefore afraid. Of things both real and imagined.
The thing that helps me the most with this is spiritual practice. I find this in yoga, in nature, in journaling, in the magic in the children I teach, in my interactions with others of like minds.
Many people I know, and especially on this site, give it over to God.
I don't believe in "God" but I do believe in Spirit. A power greater than myself that works in mysterious ways. So have faith that you are exactly where you need to be and that everything will work out as it should.
You cannot control how others think or act, but you have control over your own choices. Feel that power.
You can be the master of your own destiny.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyways gives you great personal power.
I will send up a prayer for you to the powers that be in the morning.
Peace...
Lu
Fear is false emotions appearing real.....that is so true. Try to remember that when your getting ready in the morning....I know facing the unknown is very scarey....
When I went to the rehab and went back to work I felt the way you do. Am I gonna be hated? Talked about? Shunned? Fired? The wheels were turning... But when I walked in the door, my true friends were there supporting me every step of the way. They were happy I went and got help. There were and always be haters...let them hate because that's all they are. Haters. I now know the hater hates themselves.
Walk in like YoU own the place, full of courage and strength. Be yourself, humble and silently strong. No rash decisions. Get your information and logically think it thru.....
It will be what it will be...
And you will be you.
There's a southern saying IF frogs had wings he wouldn't bust his azz. Meaning what ifs don't mean a thing at this point....
Remember your serenity prayer and God has control over your situation. He knows what you need and will provide.
I'll be praying for you
When I went to the rehab and went back to work I felt the way you do. Am I gonna be hated? Talked about? Shunned? Fired? The wheels were turning... But when I walked in the door, my true friends were there supporting me every step of the way. They were happy I went and got help. There were and always be haters...let them hate because that's all they are. Haters. I now know the hater hates themselves.
Walk in like YoU own the place, full of courage and strength. Be yourself, humble and silently strong. No rash decisions. Get your information and logically think it thru.....
It will be what it will be...
And you will be you.
There's a southern saying IF frogs had wings he wouldn't bust his azz. Meaning what ifs don't mean a thing at this point....
Remember your serenity prayer and God has control over your situation. He knows what you need and will provide.
I'll be praying for you
I'm here. I made it through today, so that is good. I am reluctant to go to sleep because I know I will be waking up to getting dressed and going to work. I fear the drug test because I have no idea what is still in my system and what is not. I have only been taking the prescribed medications from my detox nurse at my center. I have not been using. I have contacted my union rep asking whether or not I should let them drug test me, so I will await her response before I do so. I am unsure if the suboxone in my system would be an issue. Education is a strange profession as far as what rules the admin can enforce.
I don't know why I cannot seem to take this day by day and handle what is in front of me instead of looking into the future and being terrified. I assume that being able to take each day as it comes will happen a little later in my recover process. My next meeting isn't until Tuesday. I meet with the doctor then, and I will go to group.
I have to be prepared to take a lot of crap tomorrow. People are mad that I have been out for so long. I used my sick days to attend the week long detox I went to. I am sure some have seen my mug shot or heard about it. A lot could happen, but then again a lot could not happen. I fear being fired and not having health insurance for my children or myself. I fear a lot of things. I really want to start focusing on the now and stop dreading the future. I know that is key. I will keep hanging in there until Tuesday when I meet with my group. Thanks everyone. Goodnight.
I don't know why I cannot seem to take this day by day and handle what is in front of me instead of looking into the future and being terrified. I assume that being able to take each day as it comes will happen a little later in my recover process. My next meeting isn't until Tuesday. I meet with the doctor then, and I will go to group.
I have to be prepared to take a lot of crap tomorrow. People are mad that I have been out for so long. I used my sick days to attend the week long detox I went to. I am sure some have seen my mug shot or heard about it. A lot could happen, but then again a lot could not happen. I fear being fired and not having health insurance for my children or myself. I fear a lot of things. I really want to start focusing on the now and stop dreading the future. I know that is key. I will keep hanging in there until Tuesday when I meet with my group. Thanks everyone. Goodnight.
An old song by Argent comes to mind:
And if it's there
Don't let it get you down
You can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry
You can make it
Hold your head up woman
Hold your head up
Hold your head high!
And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes
On you moving
And if they shout
Don't let it change a thing
That your doing
Hold your head up woman
Hold your head up
Hold your head high!
And if it's there
Don't let it get you down
You can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry
You can make it
Hold your head up woman
Hold your head up
Hold your head high!
And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes
On you moving
And if they shout
Don't let it change a thing
That your doing
Hold your head up woman
Hold your head up
Hold your head high!
Well, girl....I was in a similar situation many years ago...while I hadn't been arrested....I had asked for a personal leave of absence and voluntarily went to an inpatient treatment center for over 30 days. By the time I was to return to work, of course they knew where I had been. The talk was rampant about me...but I didn't expect any less. I, too, was scared to walk in there after being gone for so long....I was fragile emotionally because of what I had been thru at treatment....but know what? I was a changed woman on the INSIDE of me and I just told myself "Do it afraid, girl"...."Hold you head up high". You've been given an opportunity to show others what a life of recovery looks like AFTER the fact. Once we are clean and trudge thru an uncomfortable experience and actually "do it afraid"....then...we aren't afraid anymore. The inner satisfaction is AMAZING!!
Sure, there were those naysayers and those ugly people that were gossiping about me. But I learned something.....it helped me IMMENSELY:
"God grand me the serenity to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change,
The courage to change the PERSON I can,
And the wisdom to know it's ME."
Don't focus on the people who don't understand....or allow your heart to feel ugly towards them. You said they want you to agree to random drug testing and abide by certain rules put in place for drug related crimes....that's OK isn't it? If you're clean and want/need the job.....it would be a small price to pay to keep it.
I had to learn to ignore a lot of comments when I returned...even just going to the women's bathroom was hard for awhile. The Gossip Queen in my building couldn't wait to say, "Well, Connie...did you get your PROBLEM taken care of now?"......But you know what, there were some people placed in my path that hugged me, told me they were so glad I was back.
I was fragile...but I had a new inner strength to face the music....and SO DO YOU!!! Don't keep running the scenarios of what "could" happen over and over in your mind. It will only keep you agitated and steal your inner peace. I knew that if I held my head up and ONLY focused on what I could change.....all would be well. I have a very strong faith....and part of "how" it grew stronger was by TRUSTING during these difficult times.
If your outpatient format is 12 step based....just say the first 3 steps over and over and it will calm you immediately. My abbreviation for those first 3 steps is: I can't.....He can......IF I let Him.
I'll be praying for you tomorrow morning.....everything will be ok~
Sure, there were those naysayers and those ugly people that were gossiping about me. But I learned something.....it helped me IMMENSELY:
"God grand me the serenity to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change,
The courage to change the PERSON I can,
And the wisdom to know it's ME."
Don't focus on the people who don't understand....or allow your heart to feel ugly towards them. You said they want you to agree to random drug testing and abide by certain rules put in place for drug related crimes....that's OK isn't it? If you're clean and want/need the job.....it would be a small price to pay to keep it.
I had to learn to ignore a lot of comments when I returned...even just going to the women's bathroom was hard for awhile. The Gossip Queen in my building couldn't wait to say, "Well, Connie...did you get your PROBLEM taken care of now?"......But you know what, there were some people placed in my path that hugged me, told me they were so glad I was back.
I was fragile...but I had a new inner strength to face the music....and SO DO YOU!!! Don't keep running the scenarios of what "could" happen over and over in your mind. It will only keep you agitated and steal your inner peace. I knew that if I held my head up and ONLY focused on what I could change.....all would be well. I have a very strong faith....and part of "how" it grew stronger was by TRUSTING during these difficult times.
If your outpatient format is 12 step based....just say the first 3 steps over and over and it will calm you immediately. My abbreviation for those first 3 steps is: I can't.....He can......IF I let Him.
I'll be praying for you tomorrow morning.....everything will be ok~
I have to agree with everyone else-
You need to stay in the now.
But just a little perspective on the issue-
You did wrong. But you got help. You are fighting for your life. You have a DISEASE that is no different from cancer or MS and for that disease you are getting treatment.
I am willing to bet that there is at least one person at your school struggling with addiction. I'd go out on a limb and say that there is more than one.
You go in with your head held high and show people what it means to take responsibility, true responsibility for your life and your disease.
You may inspire someone who is struggling secretly to get help themselves.
They may even reach out to you.
Listen,
this has been a humbling experience. That is what facing our addiction is- humbling.
It is the chance to show true character. And you, my dear, have TONS of character. By the end of this particular struggle you will have more.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.
You made a mistake and you got caught.
Take pride in the steps you have taken to atone and get help.
I am incredibly proud of you and inspired by your strength and perseverance.
You are a woman that I would want to teach my children (If I had children)
I teach kids for a living too.
I own a private acting school.
Not everyone knows my private business but there are some parents who do. They have never judged me and are incredibly supportive.
Give people a chance to give you a chance.
Most importantly, give yourself a chance.
Okay, that's enough advice. You can do this and more importantly, YOU ARE DOING THIS!!
Much respect..
Lu
You need to stay in the now.
But just a little perspective on the issue-
You did wrong. But you got help. You are fighting for your life. You have a DISEASE that is no different from cancer or MS and for that disease you are getting treatment.
I am willing to bet that there is at least one person at your school struggling with addiction. I'd go out on a limb and say that there is more than one.
You go in with your head held high and show people what it means to take responsibility, true responsibility for your life and your disease.
You may inspire someone who is struggling secretly to get help themselves.
They may even reach out to you.
Listen,
this has been a humbling experience. That is what facing our addiction is- humbling.
It is the chance to show true character. And you, my dear, have TONS of character. By the end of this particular struggle you will have more.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.
You made a mistake and you got caught.
Take pride in the steps you have taken to atone and get help.
I am incredibly proud of you and inspired by your strength and perseverance.
You are a woman that I would want to teach my children (If I had children)
I teach kids for a living too.
I own a private acting school.
Not everyone knows my private business but there are some parents who do. They have never judged me and are incredibly supportive.
Give people a chance to give you a chance.
Most importantly, give yourself a chance.
Okay, that's enough advice. You can do this and more importantly, YOU ARE DOING THIS!!
Much respect..
Lu
You ok? Please check in. Let us know how your holding up. It's always darkest before the dawn. You can do this.
I've told you my story. Seemingly I would never be a nurse again. No license, if so who'd hire me with what's on my record. I'm 18 days in. No time to deal with that. Go to meetings, here the countless stories of what people have & ate getting back or not back better than ever.
We are what we are, we've done what we've done.
Do the right things suggested, don't move to quickly.
You want to be clear headed & full of health & recovery to fight this battle. Especially if like me this was your life. Not wife, mother, daughter; just nurse. Now I no if they eventually give it back ok, if not I have life not death today.
Hold on the best is yet to come.
Page 83 AA Big Book; know as The Promises
We are going to know a new freedom & a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity & we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others
That feeling of uselessness & self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things & gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude & outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people & economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that GOD is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are the extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.
Give yourself a break please, please, please.
We are what we are, we've done what we've done.
Do the right things suggested, don't move to quickly.
You want to be clear headed & full of health & recovery to fight this battle. Especially if like me this was your life. Not wife, mother, daughter; just nurse. Now I no if they eventually give it back ok, if not I have life not death today.
Hold on the best is yet to come.
Page 83 AA Big Book; know as The Promises
We are going to know a new freedom & a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity & we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others
That feeling of uselessness & self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things & gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude & outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people & economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that GOD is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are the extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.
Give yourself a break please, please, please.
i will be here for you, as will many, many others.
teachers are the spine of the school system, yet they are expendable. teachers get into the field for the love of children. this is NOT true of administrators and district level employees. i was district level technology. i complained about the waste of millions of tax dollars. schools buying administrators new computers 3 times a year to blow through the budget. paying thousands of dollars to have year old computers destroyed instead of given to less fortunate schools, sped classes, indian reservations, etc.
that put a mark on my head. i attended one of the funerals of a friend who killed himself due to the bullying and was immediately reprimanded.
be very careful. remember NO job is worth ending it. nor is it worth using.
leave if it gets too bad.
also, they may force you to go to EAP, they will do this to gather info to use against you. you do NOT have to disclose what you talk about, just that you were there.
teachers are the spine of the school system, yet they are expendable. teachers get into the field for the love of children. this is NOT true of administrators and district level employees. i was district level technology. i complained about the waste of millions of tax dollars. schools buying administrators new computers 3 times a year to blow through the budget. paying thousands of dollars to have year old computers destroyed instead of given to less fortunate schools, sped classes, indian reservations, etc.
that put a mark on my head. i attended one of the funerals of a friend who killed himself due to the bullying and was immediately reprimanded.
be very careful. remember NO job is worth ending it. nor is it worth using.
leave if it gets too bad.
also, they may force you to go to EAP, they will do this to gather info to use against you. you do NOT have to disclose what you talk about, just that you were there.
I think you hit the nail on the head here. They definitely want to get rid of me. They would love for me to use so that their lives would be easier being able to get rid of the teacher who was arrested.
What I want to know is what ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? I am not saying that I am innocent, but it is completely possible that someone could have had their identity stolen, and this could have happened. So why is everyone at work so ready to crucify me? They don't know if I am guilty of this crime. Being arrested does not mean someone is guilty. Going to trial and pleading guilty or being found guilty proves that a person is guilty, not being arrested.
Ever since this all began, I have realized that it is not innocent until proven guilty. It is guilty until proven innocent. It makes me really sad.
The one good thing that has come of this is that I now have much more sympathy and empathy for others. Before, I thought everything was pretty black and white, wrong or right. Now, I can see that sometimes in life people go down the wrong path, but that doesn't mean we should judge or lock them away and throw away the key. I see now that rehabilitation is very important for anyone who has chosen the wrong path. Never again will I judge someone because of a bad choice. We are all human, and humans make mistakes. We are all flawed. We are all just trying to make it in life while struggling through our own battles.
I also know now that when someone is going through something really difficult for them, just being there to listen is important. If I ever have a friend or loved one go through something very difficult, I will make sure that I am just there for them to talk or sit with. I have a very good friend who was been there for me. She came over last night, and we just sat outside and talked. It meant a lot to me that she was just there to listen. She always answers my calls and just listens. That is the kind of friend I want to be to others.
When my husband left, it was the most depressing weekend of my life. He wasn't there for me. I now see how important it is to be there for anyone going though something tough, and I will be that person for someone.
What I want to know is what ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? I am not saying that I am innocent, but it is completely possible that someone could have had their identity stolen, and this could have happened. So why is everyone at work so ready to crucify me? They don't know if I am guilty of this crime. Being arrested does not mean someone is guilty. Going to trial and pleading guilty or being found guilty proves that a person is guilty, not being arrested.
Ever since this all began, I have realized that it is not innocent until proven guilty. It is guilty until proven innocent. It makes me really sad.
The one good thing that has come of this is that I now have much more sympathy and empathy for others. Before, I thought everything was pretty black and white, wrong or right. Now, I can see that sometimes in life people go down the wrong path, but that doesn't mean we should judge or lock them away and throw away the key. I see now that rehabilitation is very important for anyone who has chosen the wrong path. Never again will I judge someone because of a bad choice. We are all human, and humans make mistakes. We are all flawed. We are all just trying to make it in life while struggling through our own battles.
I also know now that when someone is going through something really difficult for them, just being there to listen is important. If I ever have a friend or loved one go through something very difficult, I will make sure that I am just there for them to talk or sit with. I have a very good friend who was been there for me. She came over last night, and we just sat outside and talked. It meant a lot to me that she was just there to listen. She always answers my calls and just listens. That is the kind of friend I want to be to others.
When my husband left, it was the most depressing weekend of my life. He wasn't there for me. I now see how important it is to be there for anyone going though something tough, and I will be that person for someone.
nobody understands until they have lived it. i feel for her going into the sharks tank tomorrow. :( we will be here
That's Horrible !!!!
Unfortunately, you see that often in many districts, the things that are "covered up" is disgraceful.
If their skeletons were to be reveled...ohhh
The administrators are the criminals as far as Im concerned, they just know how to dodge the bullet, with their BIG pay checks.
Your right...the media, their biggest threat.
I may be run out of town when Im done...but I wont leave without them remembering my name....
I totally agree with you Jinx...
Don't give them the satisfaction loveandlight !!!
Unfortunately, you see that often in many districts, the things that are "covered up" is disgraceful.
If their skeletons were to be reveled...ohhh
The administrators are the criminals as far as Im concerned, they just know how to dodge the bullet, with their BIG pay checks.
Your right...the media, their biggest threat.
I may be run out of town when Im done...but I wont leave without them remembering my name....
I totally agree with you Jinx...
Don't give them the satisfaction loveandlight !!!
they want you to use. they want you to fail so they can get rid of you. DON'T GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION
i worked for a school system and even though i did not get arrested for any drug related crime, i was BULLIED and they tried to get me to quit, when i would not quit they bullied me to the brink of suicide. 3 others in district at the same time as me, chose that out. they ended up making my job impossible and fired me.
unless you worked for a school system, you will never understand the corruption and bullying that takes place when they set their sights on you.
my advice is if you face that bullying, contact senators, news stations, etc. they hate bad publicity
unless you worked for a school system, you will never understand the corruption and bullying that takes place when they set their sights on you.
my advice is if you face that bullying, contact senators, news stations, etc. they hate bad publicity
Your posts are so very hard to read, pull yourself up honey, your not a bad person...EVERYONE makes mistakes in life.
Tomorrow you go to work with your head held high...OK !!
I too work for a school district, while my situation is different it was very uncomfortable non the less. Im in the middle of a near year long law suit with the district I work for, the neighboring county also the transportation dept, over the mistreatment of my disabled daughter, and others like her. My first day back after all was brought out...I felt like I walked with a black cloud hanging over my head. I went in there KNOWING my reason. Soon I had the support of so many, you will too !
I did it for my daughter...You do the same, you do this for you and your babies.
You are not the only one in your district, that struggles with addiction, you happened to be one that is given a chance to do something about it.
Many professionals struggle, it doesn't make you less of a person.
My doctor is a recovering addict. Hes still a doctor and a very special one I might add. You couldn't drag me away from him...hes the most compassionate doctor Ive ever met.
As for the suboxone...talk to your doctor, Im sure he can make arrangements for you, so you don't need to deal with rude behavior from any pharmacy. No one is better than you, and don't let any one make you feel that way.
Many just don't understand.
Your arrest, try to not think of the what ifs right now.
My son was a severe IV heroin addict. He was arrested more time than I can count. He faced major prison time, he did unthinkable things, that had he not been an addict he deserved that prison time.
The courts do look at addiction in a big way, they don't want to punish you for something that is out of your control as an addict.
They want to rehabilitate ...they want to give a chance.
You sound very willing to take that help.
As for your family, your husband... it is cruel behavior.
I think many times, families believe in the beginning...You got yourself in this mess...now you need to get yourself out of it. Once again, ignorance to addiction.
Stay here until you regain your strength...very wise people here that have been in your shoes. Let them be your support for now, it will soon come from all in your life as they understand your struggle.
Right now...you do this for you and your babies ONLY.
Chin Up...Head High...Your CAN do this !!
Tomorrow you go to work with your head held high...OK !!
I too work for a school district, while my situation is different it was very uncomfortable non the less. Im in the middle of a near year long law suit with the district I work for, the neighboring county also the transportation dept, over the mistreatment of my disabled daughter, and others like her. My first day back after all was brought out...I felt like I walked with a black cloud hanging over my head. I went in there KNOWING my reason. Soon I had the support of so many, you will too !
I did it for my daughter...You do the same, you do this for you and your babies.
You are not the only one in your district, that struggles with addiction, you happened to be one that is given a chance to do something about it.
Many professionals struggle, it doesn't make you less of a person.
My doctor is a recovering addict. Hes still a doctor and a very special one I might add. You couldn't drag me away from him...hes the most compassionate doctor Ive ever met.
As for the suboxone...talk to your doctor, Im sure he can make arrangements for you, so you don't need to deal with rude behavior from any pharmacy. No one is better than you, and don't let any one make you feel that way.
Many just don't understand.
Your arrest, try to not think of the what ifs right now.
My son was a severe IV heroin addict. He was arrested more time than I can count. He faced major prison time, he did unthinkable things, that had he not been an addict he deserved that prison time.
The courts do look at addiction in a big way, they don't want to punish you for something that is out of your control as an addict.
They want to rehabilitate ...they want to give a chance.
You sound very willing to take that help.
As for your family, your husband... it is cruel behavior.
I think many times, families believe in the beginning...You got yourself in this mess...now you need to get yourself out of it. Once again, ignorance to addiction.
Stay here until you regain your strength...very wise people here that have been in your shoes. Let them be your support for now, it will soon come from all in your life as they understand your struggle.
Right now...you do this for you and your babies ONLY.
Chin Up...Head High...Your CAN do this !!
.just wanted to reinforce what the above posters are trying to say. As addictive thinkers, we have lived always feeling the need to plan our next moves. It is definitely part of the disease. And often looking over our shoulder, just waiting for the shoe to drop. I know I have been like that.
I know how hard it is not to worry - but this is why wiser people say take it one day at a time. We really do not know that everyone knows about your issue. Yes, the few people who need to ,know. If you can,try to be as kind to yourself as you would be if this is cancer - You would not beat yourself up. You have a very common problem, and your behavior was a reflection of your disabled thinking. Do not try to plan out your whole life all at once. Do not think about taking out retirement money. I hear how scared you feel for tomorrow - that is probably why we think we have to solve everything at once. As addicts, we do want to avoid painful feelings. I know I do. And sooooo many times the worrying was much worse than reality. Yes, I expect, the administrators need to hear what steps you are taking now to get better. This is what you need to focus on. The past is past. Again, I know how hard it is not to replay over and over in our minds what we did wrong. But that is just those old punishing tapes obsessing over things. I hope all the above comments will help you. Tomorrow will be scary, but you will get through this. Just keep focusing on what you can do today to get better. Will be keeping you in my thoughts....be good to yourself for today, and then again each day after. Loving thoughts to you...
I know how hard it is not to worry - but this is why wiser people say take it one day at a time. We really do not know that everyone knows about your issue. Yes, the few people who need to ,know. If you can,try to be as kind to yourself as you would be if this is cancer - You would not beat yourself up. You have a very common problem, and your behavior was a reflection of your disabled thinking. Do not try to plan out your whole life all at once. Do not think about taking out retirement money. I hear how scared you feel for tomorrow - that is probably why we think we have to solve everything at once. As addicts, we do want to avoid painful feelings. I know I do. And sooooo many times the worrying was much worse than reality. Yes, I expect, the administrators need to hear what steps you are taking now to get better. This is what you need to focus on. The past is past. Again, I know how hard it is not to replay over and over in our minds what we did wrong. But that is just those old punishing tapes obsessing over things. I hope all the above comments will help you. Tomorrow will be scary, but you will get through this. Just keep focusing on what you can do today to get better. Will be keeping you in my thoughts....be good to yourself for today, and then again each day after. Loving thoughts to you...
You have a lot on your plate. You cannot predict the future. All you are doing is taking an educated guess.. You need to breathe, try to do something fun today with your family and deal with whatever happens tomorrow. We will all be here for you. No matter if we've been arrested or not EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS DONE SOMETHING ILLEGAL IN THEIR LIFE TIME...
Remember that...best of luck.
Remember that...best of luck.
I know you have heard this often but take one day at a time. Accept the things you cannot change. Don't drive yourself nuts over Monday because you cannot control the outcome of whatever they decide to do. Guess what? I bet at least one person responsible for deciding that outcome is either an addict, the parent or child of an addict, or knows an addict.
You may be blowing this completely out of proportion (I know, I know...that goes with our type A personality)
All you need to concentrate on right now is aftercare. You have to be able to show everyone and the court system that you understand what you need to do and that you are willing to do it. Everything else has to go on a back burner right now or you might wind up where you started. Addicted and looking at even more court issues.
Just give it a chance okay? As Gnarly said, NA has members in law enforcement, nurses, lawyers....you name it...this disease does not stop for someone because of their status. Black, white, pink with purple polka dots, rich, poor...it doesn't matter. You probably have more people in the legal system that understand that addiction is a disease than you do in your own personal relationships.
Hugz
You may be blowing this completely out of proportion (I know, I know...that goes with our type A personality)
All you need to concentrate on right now is aftercare. You have to be able to show everyone and the court system that you understand what you need to do and that you are willing to do it. Everything else has to go on a back burner right now or you might wind up where you started. Addicted and looking at even more court issues.
Just give it a chance okay? As Gnarly said, NA has members in law enforcement, nurses, lawyers....you name it...this disease does not stop for someone because of their status. Black, white, pink with purple polka dots, rich, poor...it doesn't matter. You probably have more people in the legal system that understand that addiction is a disease than you do in your own personal relationships.
Hugz
Hi what a mess.....I was very frachanet not to have been charged with this in my day they dident have all the computers linked together it was a lot harder then it is today first off your not a perana of sosity your a addict and you will have to treat this.. for me Na was the one thing that has worked the meeting and 12 step program treat the addict that still lives inside you it takes 4 meetings a week and a sponcer and sponcee's and service work but it is a cheep price to pay to live in recovery I tryed countless times to get clean but always went back this will not go away on its own we have members in law enforcement that work today because of the program nurses lawyers it is not hopeless give the program a chance and it will restore your life also getting caught is not the end but merely the begging if you give it a chance....Gnarly
Whoa there girl, slow down. Meaning...you cannot figure all this out right now. I am sure you started meetings, yes? Well, staying clean is the same as dealing w/ all scary things in life: a minute at a time. This is a great example of not projecting into the future.
I do the same as you: try to figure out my huge issues, in my head, in an hour! I want an answer...NOW. I was told a saying in the rooms and it's one of my faves: we need to learn to live in the "I don't know." You don't have an answer right now, you will know more on Monday. Then you can think about your options. You have NO IDEA not only what will happen, but how people will feel about you. (You said everyone hates you.) That is so typical addict thinking: we think everyone is looking at us and has a negative opinion when in reality everyone is just worried about him/herself.
You will be okay. Let it go right now.
I do the same as you: try to figure out my huge issues, in my head, in an hour! I want an answer...NOW. I was told a saying in the rooms and it's one of my faves: we need to learn to live in the "I don't know." You don't have an answer right now, you will know more on Monday. Then you can think about your options. You have NO IDEA not only what will happen, but how people will feel about you. (You said everyone hates you.) That is so typical addict thinking: we think everyone is looking at us and has a negative opinion when in reality everyone is just worried about him/herself.
You will be okay. Let it go right now.
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