I'm an idiot and a hypocrite - PLS HELP!!

[Jester2005]

so my BF is an addict and long story short I got into it, too....

if I did less than an 80 pill a day for about a month, how long until I stop being a b*tch if I quit cold turkey??

[Jester2005]

It's been 5 months since my last post and I just wanted to come back and brag that we made it past Day 7, and for the second time. Last time was a year ago and he stayed clean until he relapsed in March. He says (now) that he needed the relapse the help him truly understand what he's capable of (I'm probably not wording it correctly cuz' I don't mean to sound like people should relapse)... I feel like we're really made it this time. I feel this way cuz' every time Hubby gets to Day 2, maybe Day 3, he gives in and gets some pills... but not this time. He was doing amazingly well until a "friend" came by and asked if he knew where to get rid of them. "Fruits and veggies" I was mad. I thought, all this progress out the window. But the friend wouldn't sell on credit so Hubby couldn't use and he somehow he made it through his Day 3 without using. Now we start Week 2 and we have money for food rather than pills - it's a good feeling  :-)

[Jester2005]

I'm so fed up... I have a kid brother to take care of now (he's 14 going on 15 in a few months) and Hubby isn't making things easier for me... I know we lack communication, but it's a two-way street... I'm just so tired of having to apologize for EVERYTHING as if I'm solely to blame for it all... I just needed to vent... although we made some progress today, in regards to communication, he refuses to write out his Quitting Plan, pick a specific date (he always says tomorrow - I'm so sick of tomorrow... what's wrong with yesterday? or more realistically today??) I told him how some of have told me I'm not to blame for his addiction and he comes back with "they don't know you" or him or whatever... he says I cause his stress and that's why he uses. He won't admit that it's stress in general that causes him to use. I know I don't make things easier for him, for us, but neither does he....

fruits and veggies, all I want is a bowl of weed (my DOC) and all that's available is the pills... I'm proud of myself for not caving in, though... even after he asked and I had to tell him I'm done with it... and then he keeps doing it in front of me and I still won't give in, not to the pills... I'll have to deal with the weed another day

thank you so much for your support e1... I don't think I can make it to groups so this is the next best thing... and typing really helps - helps me remember... TY TY !!

[gizzy32]

So he wants to quit and is detoxing this weekend, but brought percs in the house? Just shaking my head.

[avisg]

You cant have drugs in the house .especially now . The pain will inprove the longer he is clean . .I would tell him if he is going to use he has to go else where and not to come back  until he is clean if not I think this is going to continue for a very long time .

[Jester2005]

He came home early today and no oxy's in the house... but he bought perc's b/c he's in pain (he's always in pain, tried to tell him he needs to find different ways to deal with it)... perc's & I don't do well and I refuse to take them.... so we'll see how tmr goes

[avisg]

hun,I don't care if you are a raging B I @!H you are not AT ALL responsible of his addiction .That is one of the reason he needs aftercare so he can learn to take responsibility for his own addiction .How aare u doing maybe if he sees you do aftercare he will as well ?

[gizzy32]

He says he uses because of you? We have to take responsibility for our own actions and drug addiction and he's not. I hope he makes it also, he promised a year ago he was stopping and never did. I am just thinking of you and what it has done to you, I am not trying to sound like an ***. I want to see you happy and clean. You can do this:)

[Jester2005]

Hey Gizzy, I'm so glad to hear from you... I know it's no excuse, but I've been using less than 1/4 pill a day, but regardless I need to quit before I fall into the deep end... as for my BF, he wants to quit so badly, he says it a lot, but also states he uses because of me (and after a lot more research, I understand it.. I'm nowhere near as supportive as I'm suppose to be, especially after reading about PAWS, but I also know not to put the blame entirely on me)... that's why he's gone away, gone fishing - so he can clear his head and all... he was gone for 17 days to his parents' recently and he did AWESOME, but the stresses of home made him relapse again (keep telling him he needs after care but he can be pretty stubborn at times... guess he has to go at his own pace)

TY so much for your support e1 :)

[gizzy32]

Hi Jester, I remember your posts from before here and how hard you were trying to help your boyfriend quit and we told you he wasn't ready. Now you have been using too!  What matters now is that your ready to stop and gonna stop before you fall deeper into addiction. So your boyfriend is detoxing by going fishing and away from you? Yikes.

Congrats on doing this, we are here to help.

[Jester2005]

yes, we are still together... he went to his parents' for the weekend to go fishing (It's opening season weekend)

[Downey]

I understand your situation because I'm in the same boat. Where is the BF---still with you?

Take Care,
Downey

[avisg]

OK we will be here. i think its good that you are doing it your way and he is doing it his just dont let him bring ANTHING back into your home ... If you need to chat pm me .You can do this I am really glad you came back and are doing this .

[Jester2005]

thanks e1... today I plan to quit CT and never go back... BF left for the weekend so he can do it his way and I can do it my way.... there's no pills in the house and I don't have a prescription nor any connections so I cannot be tempted to slip...

I hope this weekend goes well  :)

[worried878]

agree with above
R u planning to flush?   CT is hard if pills r singing to u in the night..at the pharmacy or a friends..or a pushers house as well//friends can be pushers as well
Protect ur hard work with everything u can protect it with..give urself every chance u can get
Hang tight and read the health pages..great info there
keep posting

[dominosarah]

I agree with avis Jester, this took alot of courage to come here and post.  We will be here to support you.  You can do this!!       sara

[Jester2005]

thank you, I want to start today, ideally :)

[vicki595]

Hi~ I think about a week. If I understand correctly. Are you going to do it?

Vicki