back to life!!!

[leeisgettingclean]

Okay, so i am not sure if anyone really knew, but i had a bad case of the *blues* days 6 and 7. They kinda hit me hard, like real hard. Luckilly for me,  i have a cousin ( no I do not plan on using her as part of my aftercare to much, just a personal choose not to) who just graduated grad school with a Phd in Psychology. Man was i ever glad to talk to her, and believe me, i think she got a good leason out of it to, so it prob helped both of us. I just really had to let all this stuff  bad feeling, scared, worried, hurt, ashamed, the list could go  on and on....., Well today, i feel so much better.
  First thing, the energy is starting to come back. I think that I really was thinkin that there was gona be some kind of extreme blast of energy coming back all of a sudden, well NO, why, because i never had that much energy in the first place, thats why i started takin those freakin little pillls.
Secondly, Feelings are awsome. I think , well i acually know that i was numb to feelings while takin pills, now I have  them again. I care about the things i say, the way i treat people, the way i carry  myself , I guess what I am saying is that i have more confidence now that I am living a life of Sobriety. Plus, a bonus, is my internal clock works again. I had not woke up naturally (without an alarm) at 4 am in forever, I was use to *RINGGGGGGGGGGGGG, reach over hit snooze, take pills, let em kick in, drag myself from bed already with the thought of more pills on my mind*, well now , I have awaken at 4am Sat and today, and everyone knows how much it feels to wake by yourself, and not the alarm.
So in conclusion, to all this rambling that I am doin, I just want to say, from what I have learned, only by what I have been threw is, dont give up, Dont expect a * magic* day, dont expect anything, just tak it as it comes, each day is differant, we can not all expect the same outcomes. It is hard, However, it can be done, but never more than one day at a time. I can not say that day 1, 3, or 6 were my worst, they each had there own leasons in them, each with the same porpuse, to remind me that I let it get this far, I put my body throw hell, then i begged for G-d to have mercy on me, like i should have of gotten a free pass or something, well i did not, and you prob wont either, but anything free isnt worth having, anything worth while is worth workin for, and I already know that I will have to work my whole life to live a life of Sobriety , but to me , its worth it.
Anyhow, thanks to all that takes the time to read this. Also, I learned something else, I have been throwing my advice on here around like crazy, I just want to say that I am sorry if i have given anyone bad advise, or if I have at somepoint, i guess for a lack of better terms, spoken out of place. I have been tryin to chim in on every post , when i should have prob been going threw and should be going threw the archieves, because i know I have a long road head of me. But, This is not a new road, its a much traveled one, and today and just today, i choose to keep going forward. So for those that started this journey with me , before, or after, or not even yet, just know it is worth it, and it can be done. Good day all, i hope evryone truly gets blessed today
Thanks, Lee

[worried878]

u should be proud..clean time is precious to the soul..hang onto it..this feeling u have..dont forget the reasons u quit and never let ur guard down..the health pages r full of great info..if u crave go there..i u have PAWS go there..read and learn about ur addction..ur clean now but u remain an adict for life..it is always 2 steps behind u..so an aftercare plan is crucial...if u have a bad day, remember everyone on this planet has abad day...we r escape artists who can not take the misery of a bad day...but when we stay clean and find healthy coping mechanisms then we move forward...congratsa on every hour of clean time u have...it is really one day at a time...appreciate each and everyday...and stay positive like u r right now..u can do this

[elle123]

first i want to say congratulations to leeisgettingclean.

  ah i may not have a drug addiction..but i do have a less obiquitous addiction. ah im addicted to food; eating disorder i guess people would call it. im nouveau on this site and to say the truth i dont know what to do about this. if im depressed my escape is food, if im sad i'll eat, if im happy i'll eat . and to this point i really dont know what to do. im just 17 and my addiction to food might have a crucial impact to my body and health.
my parents dont believe me because they say that i dont gain weight. what do i do?
HELP

[leeisgettingclean]

Thank you so much to all that have really given me support, I am not sure i would be here without you people.
  Today is day 10, i made it threw the weekend at my job, and really did better than i thought i would have done. I now know that all things are possible with lots of hard work and soppurt.
I am so glad to be clean and sober here today. I am proud of everyone on here. And I feel really good, yeah still dealing with my problems, but I had to remember drugs were not my only problem, everyone has life problems, so problems are always gona come and go, its how you deal with them that counts.

[guv338]

Way to go kid.  You have definitely turned the corner on the physical wd.  Just keep that dont give up attitude for the mental part they could come next.  Talking to you relative is good and I encourage you to continue.  As for your apologizing for slinging advise.  no worries mate,  we've all done it.  I have noticed that there are stages we must go through in all of this and that includes our posts.  The point is that you are doing what you need to do to get yourself through the stage you are in at the time.  thats all that matters.  Its all about you and you only and only you can get yourself through the next stage.  So what ever it takes, do it.  Everyone on here knows, you will know that you are only doing what it takes to make another day.,  and thats a good thing.  keep up the good work.  refuse to loose.

[Cassie415]

Im really glad to hear things are going well for you again! Congrats on 8 days!! That is great.

[corey411]

Happy you are doing so much better Lee. You really stand out as being serious about quitting. I am pulling for you. Corey

[troubleinohio]

i was also gonna comment on how much better you sound. your posts are more concise and more well written...a sign of a good clear head. =)

[10356]

I agree with sara You sound amazing !! It is so nice when we can go back and self reflect.. I have followed you as you know and have seen you help many in there struggles. I for one em very proud of you :) and you are also correct reading past and present post is very good even others journals.. Know your enemy and all it's tricks.. I once wrote while addicted a thought was just that.. a thought.. now I act on my thoughts.. Keep moving your life forward for when clean this is the Natural and Healthy thing to do.. warmly lesa

[dominosarah]

You sound amazing!!!  Congrats on the clean time and working this!!  Keep moving forward.......It only gets better!!            stay strong           sara