It really puzzles me.......

Question

Yo mentallyu know....I have a few really close friends that are still in their addiction.....but I have always wondered, how in the heck do they continue to use, especially when I know the effect physically & be in mentally....& the effect when you run out. I dont understand how in the world they can bare to be in the condition. I do know that they spend tons of money to keep buying them. I also know that they are depressed, and suffer the symptoms as well. See with me....I literally cannot stand what the pills life does to me, even while using. My soul forces me to stop. It is such a vicious cycle. These people I know.....have never even considered trying to stop....how can they live with themselves in that condition. I keep them in prayer. Another thing I was thinking about is Im only 11 days clean from using, am I expecting too much with where Im at withdrawing? Its just that I cant wait to get better, I been feeling like, my brain should be in better shape, Maybe ill research a few things about this process. I hate that I have to go thru this...but Im glad I quit. I know I cant live that life. Guess Im just bored, Im just rattling on. I hate that Im in this condition, just be super happy when I feel completely better. Physically my body is still very beat, Im tired. and anytime I sit for a while, when I go to get up...my bottom, and legs, and back hurt. I feel really heavy, Im always tired. Its still hard to gather up energy to even take hot baths, to even get up, to even get dressed, I still dont feel like cleaning, or cooking. I guess Im being to hard on myself, expecting too much too soon huh?

stilltrying1965 · Answer

I'm very proud of you. You are doing it my friend. It must be over two weeks clean by now. And I know you will work your recovery . As I read your posts journals and I knew what your plan would be. You have done this before and you can do it again. I have faith in you. Keep rocking that clean time. So happy for you. ,,,,James

jifmoc · Answer

Your addict brain: (it won't work for me, I still feel like crap and I always will, I'll do it later) is in high gear. Do what Gnarly says, go sit it in a meeting. You mentioned that you "planned" on it. You can feel better and go, or don't go, and keep feeling like you do. I'm not sure what anyone can tell you, but for some reason you are avoiding recovery. It can be meetings or a counselor or recovery within your church hopefully a combo but you're 12 days in and okay enough to sit somewhere and listen.

stilltrying1965 · Answer

I think you are doing great 11 days is good. I think your energy will come back soon. Going to church and getting out the house is also very good. Bet you could not do that a week ago. I think you should just keep taking baby  steps time is moving. And I think the depression will lift soon . Keep up the great work it pays off. I don't have all the answers as every one is different. I can only support you and try and encourage you and I will. Keep rocking the clean time ,,,,,,James

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hey Girl how you doing today??? anyways your friends are addicts ...this disease is cunning baffling and powerful and does not make sense.....that and the fear of withdrawal that all opiet addicts share is enough to keep them using....I rode the opiet train for 10 yrs on the pills then another 7 on methadone ...my last detox almost killed me we use the formula ...how high of dose...how long you been doing it and your age all factor in to your recovery time I was on methadone a long a s s time my dose was 150mg for most of that time and I detoxed at 47 so the cards where stacked ageist me....the clinic went so far as to tell me that I have been on it to long to quit and I would be on methadone maintenance the rest of my life...well I finely said enough is enough and went threw a grueling 8 1/2 month taper going in and out of withdrawals the whole time when I finely stoped I was dope sick for 90 friggin days before I even saw the glimmer of hope... I was ready to go back on it....it took a wile but today it is nothing more then a bad memory...I work a good progam with N/A 3 to 4 meeting a week I have a H/I commitment and speak at the local rehab here in phoenix twice a month...I have a sponcer and call him often and have sponcees all of this helps my recovery and is still ezer then using 24/7 just know with time and a progam of recovery you can have a amazing life full of joy laffter and acoplishments I cannot over emphasize how much N/A has givin me....I will always be a addict but I dont act out nearly as much as I use to and by working the steps I have lost all but the most remote desire to use something I thought was impossible for a old dope fiend like me...please try it give it a chance you dont even need to speak just lissen.....if your like most of us you will finley feel safe to share and the people will understand google a N/A meeting near you and step out of your comfort zone and go it is the single best thing you can do for your recovery as always keep posting here for support
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<