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Just found this site...starting detox today for pain pills
I started a detox today for my addiction to pain pills and was so happy to stumble across this site. No one in my regular life knows what I am struggling with and I am hoping I can find some support and encouragement to beat this addiction!
A little background...I was highly opposed to any form of pain medication for most of my life because my father was addicted since Vietnam and I saw what it did to him. He ultimately died from a fatal overdose in May of 2007. A few months before that I suffered a major foot injury at the beach when I stepped on a stingray and the barb went all the way up my foot. I was in a lot of pain and had emergency surgery. Obviously they have me pain meds but I took them very sparingly. After my dad died and with the fact that my foot pain caused me to have a slipped disc, I began taking pain pills and I was surprised they helped me cope with my pain and reality. Over the past 2 years, my addiction has grown and I have gone to crazy lengths to get medication filled. Initially my family doctor gave me meds but then referred me to pain management. From there I had to find another doctor because I started taking more than my recommended dose. I currently take about 10 Lortab a day which I know is horrible. They don't even help me with m pain anymore.
No one in my life even suspects I have this problem. I am a mother of a 3 year old, a successful businesswoman, and am currently going through a divorce so that is what my friends associate with my depression.
Thank you for listening and I will post more tomorrow. I have to try to get some sleep but it is hard. I have only had one Lortab today and am feelings all the WD affects.
God Bless!
Rachel
A little background...I was highly opposed to any form of pain medication for most of my life because my father was addicted since Vietnam and I saw what it did to him. He ultimately died from a fatal overdose in May of 2007. A few months before that I suffered a major foot injury at the beach when I stepped on a stingray and the barb went all the way up my foot. I was in a lot of pain and had emergency surgery. Obviously they have me pain meds but I took them very sparingly. After my dad died and with the fact that my foot pain caused me to have a slipped disc, I began taking pain pills and I was surprised they helped me cope with my pain and reality. Over the past 2 years, my addiction has grown and I have gone to crazy lengths to get medication filled. Initially my family doctor gave me meds but then referred me to pain management. From there I had to find another doctor because I started taking more than my recommended dose. I currently take about 10 Lortab a day which I know is horrible. They don't even help me with m pain anymore.
No one in my life even suspects I have this problem. I am a mother of a 3 year old, a successful businesswoman, and am currently going through a divorce so that is what my friends associate with my depression.
Thank you for listening and I will post more tomorrow. I have to try to get some sleep but it is hard. I have only had one Lortab today and am feelings all the WD affects.
God Bless!
Rachel
Yes...you CAN do this. We are all a post away when you are feeing weak. Take advantage of the support here. You can do it.
Woah people! Take it easy on yourself. You can do this. I survived a cold turkey withdrawal working full-time and taking care of my son while my wife was on a biz trip. Please do not take this as boasting. Just merely telling you it can be done. Today is day 26 off hydro's, percs and demerol. I thought withdrawal would be easy as I didn't take them but for 6 months. However after feeling like death, I started to calculate mgs. Wow, I was waaay off. I had skip days but, really heavy days were much more frequent. I have said this previously but, I feel I should repeat. Everyone is different. Day 6 was the most horrid. I finally went to the Doc and he gave me enough lorazepam to last 7 days. I still have a ton left. He asured me that my fears were unjust and I was actually healthy. He said to stick it out a little bit longer. Well folks on day 8 I cycled 19 miles in 47* misty rain. AND loved it!
You can do this, we are all here to help.
You can do this, we are all here to help.
Don't feel bad...I messed up last night and took one pill. I feel like a loser but I am trying to get back on track. You can do it too :)
however ya'll are doing it.. you are my hero.. cause i cant do it.. tired and failed
i am so glad you are here!! I too found alot of strength in hearing other people's stories. I was also a "good girl" I had never taken any drugs in my life but i was precscribed loratabs while i was pregnant with my third child because of migraies. i took those as prescribed but of course was given more after i had my baby. then i had my tubes tied and was given more. then i had a root canal and was given more. this all occured during a short period of time. i noticed that these pills gave me energy to get everything done. i had three children that were 3,2, and a newborn and i was a fulltime student and they seemed to help me at the time. i was addicted for about 2 and a half years taking anywhere from 4-6 a day. i knew that i was addicted and that i needed help. i tried to quit at home but found that i couldn't. so i decided to go to rehab this was a hard decision to make because like you i was always concerned about what other people thought. i live in a small town where i know everybody and nobody knew about this. i was a functioning addict. i went to a medical dextox facility and they told me my problem wasn't bad enough and sent me home. that didn't make any sense to me because a problem is a problem no matter how many you take i then went to an inpaitent rehab and stayed for 10 days. That was the scariest thing i had to do but i wanted help. so i went while my husband took care of the kids. ( im sorry your husband didn't support you in your time of need!!) I really learned alot listening to everyone's story. i am now 38 days clean and feel great. i want to send you all the love and suppot in the world. you are worth it!!
I'm really just responding to my own posts - sort of like a journal but it's therapeutic for me. It has been 24 hours since I took my last 10M Lortab but that was all I took yesterday. Wondering if I am on Day 1 or 2....
Feeling very anxious - thankfully I have no way to get meds right now or I would probably take them :( I'm weak.....
Feeling very anxious - thankfully I have no way to get meds right now or I would probably take them :( I'm weak.....
You know what's crazy, I sit here at my computer (I'm a graphic designer) and in between jobs, I read all the posts and it makes me feel like people are right in this with me. Being isolated is no fun. I was a very outgoing person my whole life and I barely want to leave the house these days. My friends are busy with their own lives so it's not like then single days when they were knocking my door down. I am blessed with amazing friends and I have to get the strength to let people back in.
No one even knows about the divorce - too embarrassing. I had a huge wedding, 8 bridesmaids, the works, and my five year anniversary is in July. I can't worry about what they will think anymore. I have to start living for me.
No one even knows about the divorce - too embarrassing. I had a huge wedding, 8 bridesmaids, the works, and my five year anniversary is in July. I can't worry about what they will think anymore. I have to start living for me.
I can't tell you how happy to have found this site. I have been looking for online support for a while now but most sites just told you how to work the system. I knew I wasn't alone in my struggle but sometimes I felt like I was the only "normal" person who dealt with this. I come from a family of drug users..."real" drugs like cocaine, etc. and I was the ONLY one who broke the cycle...never had a drink, cigarette, pill, nothing. I was teased for being so good and it always made me so uncomfortable.
That is one reason I feel like I can't be honest with my family because I feel like I would be disappointing everyone. Even though my dependence started with a legitimate reason, it doesn't matter.
On top of that, I have SO much guilt about my father because I was so hard on him when he was alive about his drug use. He was on pain pills for many years and functioned fine (except for the efforts and money to get the pills, but he was still the dad I always knew). A few years ago when the "cocktail" became more popular, he took those other drugs like Soma when he would run out of pain pills because he needed that high. That is the drug that made him crazy. Those were the early days of my marriage and we would often find my dad passed out in our bathroom when he would visit. Two days before he died I told him he could not come over and see my then infant daughter unless he came drug free. He made a joke and I hung up - never knowing it was my last conversation. He would still be alive if I would have let him come over. I know it was inevitable but still makes it hard to handle.
My dad was so smart - a history buff, football coach, etc and I never wanted his life to be defined as an addict. I never could understand why he couldn't just quit for me. Now that I have a similar problem, I understand more now and would know how to help him. Stupid me just thought he should go cold turkey after being addicted for 30 plus years.
Since I've mentioned my marital problems, one early indicator about my husband was two weeks after my dad died, he told me my crying got on his nerves and he would sleep on the couch until I could get over it. This was not the man I married but somehow that is who he became.
AHHHH I have to work - sorry for the long posts - I'm going to be kicked out of here lol :)
Rachel
That is one reason I feel like I can't be honest with my family because I feel like I would be disappointing everyone. Even though my dependence started with a legitimate reason, it doesn't matter.
On top of that, I have SO much guilt about my father because I was so hard on him when he was alive about his drug use. He was on pain pills for many years and functioned fine (except for the efforts and money to get the pills, but he was still the dad I always knew). A few years ago when the "cocktail" became more popular, he took those other drugs like Soma when he would run out of pain pills because he needed that high. That is the drug that made him crazy. Those were the early days of my marriage and we would often find my dad passed out in our bathroom when he would visit. Two days before he died I told him he could not come over and see my then infant daughter unless he came drug free. He made a joke and I hung up - never knowing it was my last conversation. He would still be alive if I would have let him come over. I know it was inevitable but still makes it hard to handle.
My dad was so smart - a history buff, football coach, etc and I never wanted his life to be defined as an addict. I never could understand why he couldn't just quit for me. Now that I have a similar problem, I understand more now and would know how to help him. Stupid me just thought he should go cold turkey after being addicted for 30 plus years.
Since I've mentioned my marital problems, one early indicator about my husband was two weeks after my dad died, he told me my crying got on his nerves and he would sleep on the couch until I could get over it. This was not the man I married but somehow that is who he became.
AHHHH I have to work - sorry for the long posts - I'm going to be kicked out of here lol :)
Rachel
congratulations on taking back your life. i know its hard when you don't have anyone you can talk to. don't look back, sounds like you're getting a fresh start on evrything and doing pretty good.
best of luck.
best of luck.
Sounds like you're making some headway, cancelling an appointment is hard, trust me I know, but it's probably one of the best things you can do. It's very interesting that I just typed that since I just got a call from my pain management clinic, wanting me to come in for a follow up. I told them I wasn't interested and to cancel any other appointments I had --- kind of had a small laugh after I hung up.
Taking a long hot bath works wonders for me, maybe you should give that a try, it will make you feel better, or a hot shower for as long as you like.
From your post, you seem like a very intelligent person. You know you're stronger than that. You know you don't need mind-altering drugs. And perhaps you're tired of the lies too.
It is hard the first few days and like I've said in other posts, I'm no expert, I'm on day three and I feel pretty good. You're strong enough to last a few days, you know that too.
I really can't comment on your husband situation, since I don't know the whole story, but one would think that if he did care that he'd step in and do something. Sometimes it's easier for us to have someone else point out our problems, for others we realize it ourselves. Either way, sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Please keep it up, take that hot bath/shower and keep on posting --- let us know how you feel. We're not here to judge you, we're just here to talk it through and sometimes that's the best thing to do.
Try cancelling that appointment, you might be amazed on how you feel about it. You've made it this far, what's another couple of days? And remember, hot baths work wonders!
Honestly wishing you well.
Mark
Taking a long hot bath works wonders for me, maybe you should give that a try, it will make you feel better, or a hot shower for as long as you like.
From your post, you seem like a very intelligent person. You know you're stronger than that. You know you don't need mind-altering drugs. And perhaps you're tired of the lies too.
It is hard the first few days and like I've said in other posts, I'm no expert, I'm on day three and I feel pretty good. You're strong enough to last a few days, you know that too.
I really can't comment on your husband situation, since I don't know the whole story, but one would think that if he did care that he'd step in and do something. Sometimes it's easier for us to have someone else point out our problems, for others we realize it ourselves. Either way, sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Please keep it up, take that hot bath/shower and keep on posting --- let us know how you feel. We're not here to judge you, we're just here to talk it through and sometimes that's the best thing to do.
Try cancelling that appointment, you might be amazed on how you feel about it. You've made it this far, what's another couple of days? And remember, hot baths work wonders!
Honestly wishing you well.
Mark
Thank you all so much for responding to me. I have to say that it is refreshing being with people who understand. I'm still feeling very shaky and can't concentrate on my work. I just want to crawl in bed. The good thing is I have no desire to seek out medication. I have an appt next week at my pain doctor and I want to cancel it but I am scared because that is like a big step! I have no medication to lean on and I'm not going to lie and say I don't feel like taking a pill because I do. But, usually I would be scrambling about trying to find a doctor but I'm just over all that.
Mark, you mentioned lying and I have done that too. My friends know about my injury and that I take pain meds but not to the extent I do. They think I am too smart to let what happened to my dad happen to me. I thought that too.... Ironically, one of my best friends does marketing for a pharmaceutical company and last month while I was in a local town seeing a doctor I would go to for pain meds, she was there. She knows this doc is a pain doc and that I already have a regular family doc and pain doc here in our town. I made up some excuses but think she really knew. It was sad because she wanted to go to lunch and all I could do was think about getting that script filled. I don't even know who I have become anymore.
I think I hoped my husband would care and step in but he obviously does not. He sees our checking accounts and insurance statements and can see the doctors I go to, multiple pharmacies, etc. I have not hidden anything in that way. He just doesn't care. That is not why we are divorcing but one more reason.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Mark, you mentioned lying and I have done that too. My friends know about my injury and that I take pain meds but not to the extent I do. They think I am too smart to let what happened to my dad happen to me. I thought that too.... Ironically, one of my best friends does marketing for a pharmaceutical company and last month while I was in a local town seeing a doctor I would go to for pain meds, she was there. She knows this doc is a pain doc and that I already have a regular family doc and pain doc here in our town. I made up some excuses but think she really knew. It was sad because she wanted to go to lunch and all I could do was think about getting that script filled. I don't even know who I have become anymore.
I think I hoped my husband would care and step in but he obviously does not. He sees our checking accounts and insurance statements and can see the doctors I go to, multiple pharmacies, etc. I have not hidden anything in that way. He just doesn't care. That is not why we are divorcing but one more reason.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Expressing your feelings is probably one of the best things you can do, and that is why I like this site so much. I can be completely honest here and we're not here to judge anyone, for any reason. Like yourself, I started with a few meds here and there to relieve the pain (mine was kidney stones). Unfortunately, that's where it all begins and I'm sure many people here can relate. The best part of talking here is that it's anonymous, and to be honest I do understand the feeling of death in the family, I've lost two very close people in the last couple of years. But you know what, I keep thinking to myself -- do I HONESTLY think they would want me to take pills that may hurt me at some point in time? I'm sure they would want the best for me, and I'm sure your Dad would want the best for you too --- and I hope you know that.
Like in my other posts, I don't profess to be an expert on the subject, but I've been there. I'm there now -- day three, and it's not that bad.
I'm tired of the lies, the putting of pills first before others and friends. I tried to hide it very well, sneaking pills in a pocket just so I could go out for the day, counting pills just so I wouldn't run out, lied to doctors about the pain, the whole nine yards. The interesting thing, people knew. Now I'm not saying that you were lying, please don't get me wrong on that, but eventually it does catch up to you. It gets pretty tiring and for me it adds to the emotions. Freedom007 has some very good advice, he's a pretty smart cookie.
Like yourself, I'm a professional too. It affects everyone from all walks of life. I encourage you to keep writing, it does help me, perhaps it will help you too. This is the only place that I can be completely honest. Please let us know how you're feeling. I won't judge you and I'm sure the others here won't either.
Mark
Like in my other posts, I don't profess to be an expert on the subject, but I've been there. I'm there now -- day three, and it's not that bad.
I'm tired of the lies, the putting of pills first before others and friends. I tried to hide it very well, sneaking pills in a pocket just so I could go out for the day, counting pills just so I wouldn't run out, lied to doctors about the pain, the whole nine yards. The interesting thing, people knew. Now I'm not saying that you were lying, please don't get me wrong on that, but eventually it does catch up to you. It gets pretty tiring and for me it adds to the emotions. Freedom007 has some very good advice, he's a pretty smart cookie.
Like yourself, I'm a professional too. It affects everyone from all walks of life. I encourage you to keep writing, it does help me, perhaps it will help you too. This is the only place that I can be completely honest. Please let us know how you're feeling. I won't judge you and I'm sure the others here won't either.
Mark
rachel...wellbutrin is a good choice of antidepressant...it increases dopamine and is ok to take with ativan.But ativan is a benzodiazepine and highly addicting.Try to use it sparingly and mostly to help you sleep during detox.
Mostly take all the good vitamins and nutrients that help the brain and nervous system to fight this addiction.
You are still a good girl and will be even better when you get through this detox.
Make sure you have some aftercare planned to keep you away from temptation.
Mostly take all the good vitamins and nutrients that help the brain and nervous system to fight this addiction.
You are still a good girl and will be even better when you get through this detox.
Make sure you have some aftercare planned to keep you away from temptation.
Thank you so much for your response. Day 2 is okay and I am coping. Unfortunately I have to work and can't focus on this detox but fortunately I work from home as a graphic designer so I can be here if I am sick. I started taking Wellbutrin yesterday morning because I figured I needed to get a grip on this depression. I also take a small amount of Ativan to ease my panic attacks. I NEVER mix medications because that is what killed my dad (lortab, soma, xanax). I hope it is okay to mix those sparingly.
I know you are right about having someone to talk to. Since my dad died I have isolated myself from my friends. Since I am going through my divorce, I can't talk to my husband because he would try to hold it against me in court for custody. I can honestly say that the only thing that the pills did for me was numb me like you talked about before. I never acted crazy or was high....just felt like I could cope better. I know that is a lie but I still believe it's best to get off - even if I still have pain.
I hope I did not do permanent damage to my liver with all of the acetaminophen I took. I know I went well over the max daily dosage.
It's so strange for me to be having to deal with this. I have been such a "good girl" my whole life, graduated from college, started a successful business, have a beautiful little girl...but I have learned this can happen to ANYONE.
I appreciate any and all support!
Rachel
I know you are right about having someone to talk to. Since my dad died I have isolated myself from my friends. Since I am going through my divorce, I can't talk to my husband because he would try to hold it against me in court for custody. I can honestly say that the only thing that the pills did for me was numb me like you talked about before. I never acted crazy or was high....just felt like I could cope better. I know that is a lie but I still believe it's best to get off - even if I still have pain.
I hope I did not do permanent damage to my liver with all of the acetaminophen I took. I know I went well over the max daily dosage.
It's so strange for me to be having to deal with this. I have been such a "good girl" my whole life, graduated from college, started a successful business, have a beautiful little girl...but I have learned this can happen to ANYONE.
I appreciate any and all support!
Rachel
Congratulations on your decision to get Clean...believe me, that is one of the hardest and best things you can do!! You are among friends here...so please, take off your coat and get comfy...this site has been an inspiration to many and we hope you find the same.
One thing I will say...try to find someone you can tell...secrets keep us sick but honesty sets us free. I know this will be tough...but as most here will tell you, the healing can't truly begin until we open up and admit who we are...and not to just ourselves. One of the only reasons I am 36 days clean today is because EVERYONE knows now. I am not saying you need to broadcast this...but i tried the opposite route (lying, hiding and keeping myself sick) and was met with BAD results. I think you will be pleasantly surprised the reaction you will receive if you tell a select few trusted folks...especially if you have the strength and courage to bring this out to light, on your own. Yes, there will be fear and perhaps some anger...but your REAL friends and family will stick with you and you will be better for it.
Other than that...educate yourself on detox, brain chemistry and anything else that will help you understand what your body is going to go through (Thomas Recipe, Amino Acid Protocol, vitamins, sleep aid, energy aids, hydration, natural comfort remedies). You will feel like you are slightly "possessed" for a bit..BUT, it will pass and what waits for you on the other side is truly wonderful. REAL life, real emotions, real feelings...colors, smells, tastes, laughing, crying, loving, ambition...all the things we numbed ourselves from will be back. Yes, that means the bad emotions too...but that's what life is about...
Again, Congrats...you have no idea how far you've come just to get to this point. Now stay strong...and fight like hell.
We are here...post away...read a lot...and stay clean!!
~ Free
One thing I will say...try to find someone you can tell...secrets keep us sick but honesty sets us free. I know this will be tough...but as most here will tell you, the healing can't truly begin until we open up and admit who we are...and not to just ourselves. One of the only reasons I am 36 days clean today is because EVERYONE knows now. I am not saying you need to broadcast this...but i tried the opposite route (lying, hiding and keeping myself sick) and was met with BAD results. I think you will be pleasantly surprised the reaction you will receive if you tell a select few trusted folks...especially if you have the strength and courage to bring this out to light, on your own. Yes, there will be fear and perhaps some anger...but your REAL friends and family will stick with you and you will be better for it.
Other than that...educate yourself on detox, brain chemistry and anything else that will help you understand what your body is going to go through (Thomas Recipe, Amino Acid Protocol, vitamins, sleep aid, energy aids, hydration, natural comfort remedies). You will feel like you are slightly "possessed" for a bit..BUT, it will pass and what waits for you on the other side is truly wonderful. REAL life, real emotions, real feelings...colors, smells, tastes, laughing, crying, loving, ambition...all the things we numbed ourselves from will be back. Yes, that means the bad emotions too...but that's what life is about...
Again, Congrats...you have no idea how far you've come just to get to this point. Now stay strong...and fight like hell.
We are here...post away...read a lot...and stay clean!!
~ Free
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