Aa
Making a Change
I need to make a change in my lifestyle and remove narcotics entirely. I've been bumping perc30's for about 9 months now. Started out very slow, just enjoying the relaxing and calming high on some evenings after work. This turned into accompanying me while partying on weekends. Next thing I know I'm doing about 60mg a day and started to notice physical withdrawal symptoms on days I couldn't provide for myself around mid-November. Now I begin to feel cold/hot flashes, no appetite and slight headaches/tension by afternoon the day after if I don't take at least 15mg in the morning. The longest I went was 5 days in early december, it was bad, but not as bad as I hear it can be. I just couldnt get out of bed for 2 days, no energy, no appetite very sore. I don't even seek the high anymore and have just a week ago decided to figure out how to eliminate my dependancy. I have a very close network of friends, a very close and incredible girlfriend and no one knows at all. It must stay that way. I can't get deathly ill for a week and not have that raise concern, I never get sick, I mean ever. A stuffy nose for me and people are surprised. None of my friends do percs, I've slowly developed this habit myself and continue on slowly but am committed to getting myself off this. I've been trying to just eat 15mg in am and 15mg around 6pm..still have some serious urges, though the physical withdrawals are not present.
What is my best course of action to safely and discretely manage and eliminate this problem?
THANK YOU
What is my best course of action to safely and discretely manage and eliminate this problem?
THANK YOU
Glad to hear about your success! I have told many of my close friends, but they never had any problems with me or my attitude this last year because it was never anything major or worth noticing as I kept everything in control, except my growing consumption. Its a difficult situation for someone to react to and it was very weird for me telling them, but it felt good in the end.
I am struggling to find an addiction psychologist in my area with any online ratings. I think ill just start with what I find through my insurance then branch out from there if needed.
Good luck in your journey and stay positive and motivated!!
I am struggling to find an addiction psychologist in my area with any online ratings. I think ill just start with what I find through my insurance then branch out from there if needed.
Good luck in your journey and stay positive and motivated!!
You seem like a very smart, level headed guy. Congrats on your clean time! I am almost 4 weeks clean :) the mental parts of it still linger, what you said about being selfish, telling white lies, etc. hit the nail on the head for me too. I am finally starting to feel better about myself and being the sweet, compassionate girl I used to be. Now that you are clean did you open up to anyone besides your GF? There are psychologists that specialize in addiction. Try googling that around your area and there should be ratings and such for them.
Hey guys,
So I went the route of my selfish ego and tapered down and am now clean. It took me a loooong time because I was lazy, selfish and patient. I was always sure of my goal but it was incredibly difficult to follow the path I had set. The whole time I was using I knew what lay ahead of me, the getting clean, the staying clean and most importantly the coming clean, with my closest friends and loved ones. This is probably the main reason I used for so long after I knew I could stop. I was afraid of the consequences. If I kept using then everything would keep moving along like it had. Well, no. This, just like everything associated with addiction, is smoke and mirrors, fake promises, false pretenses. All dragging this out did was strain my relationship with my gf to the breaking point, and now is a daily effort to rebuild trust with her. I have only started communicating with her about it a week ago. I've been clean for nearly 5 weeks now. I've been coming to realize that my addiction to pills was just a physical manifestation of my selfish ego, going as far as lying and misrepresenting myself to the people who I care about most and who care about me. I'm coming to accept the fact that I could lie to these people, which for me has been among the toughest truths of this experience. I have to get back to my roots of compassion, love, connection, honesty and humility. I've been doing so good in all other aspects of my life that my ego had been ballooning out of control. This lead to my attitude of "pills won't get me!" and so they just got thrown into the mix of my occasional, social drug medley. I've never dealt with an 'addictive' substance before like opiates and, not gonna lie, it took me for a looong ride. But through mental conviction, knowing and trusting in a bright future, patience (lots of it), good timing and the fact that good triumphs over evil I started a habit of daily focus like I've never had before. I would drift and idle my way through most of my boring work days, causing an attitude of aloofness. This lazy mental attitude was what allowed pills to really access my life. I had taken plenty of painkillers in the past, but they never got me addicted. So why now? Why now when I have everything and could lose everything. So stupid and selfish. "I can get high and no one will know!" I've learned life doesn't work like that. I've always known this, though not always acting on it, truth is the foundation of all real meaningful relationships. The minute trust is gone, then so are all chances of a successful relationship. Some people know truth as the only thing they have ever known, some have never known truth, then there are the myriad of us who fall in between. Who have dabbled on both sides, testing the waters, finding a balance. I have lied, but I am not a liar. My problem is I can't ever 'tell a lie', what I do is I take the reality, the truth of the situation, and I just bend it. It is rarely rarely bent to breaking, instead it is giving embellished recounts of experiences, or omitting facts, or using certain language or word associations to have the listener make assumptions in their head causing them to paint a different picture in their head from what is real. It makes me feel like they are the liars and not me, I suppose. There has been a lot of reflection and introspection during these last 8 months. Lots of yoga, dance parties, realizing that my girlfriend is the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to me and interconnections with friends are what pulled me back from this crap. I'm tired of jumping from puddle to puddle of stagnant dirty water, being unmotivated, not eating or exercising properly, too much weed, too much binge partying and the last straw now being the pills. They finally broke me and brought to light the bigger mental issues. Instead I am getting on my swim trunks and am going to swim in the ocean. The ocean is limitless and free where love and compassion can consume me as it was always meant to. I know I didn't communicate here at all during my entire process but that was just how it was and what worked for me. But I must say thank you to everyone who chimed in at my start. I'm still working on finding a psychologist to talk with because I think there is a lot more here for me to discover then just 'recovery'. The only problem is, everywhere I go, I feel like there is a huge market for addiction psychology and addict doctors and all kinds of legal sh!t for people who are desperate for recovery. And how do I know if just a regular psychologist is right for me? What if I don't like their style or agree with their thoughts? But they're the doctor, they must be right. No, I don't agree with that either. Are there any recommendations for any psychologists or any doctors in the Philly/NJ/NY area?
Thanks again all and best of luck with your journeys.
So I went the route of my selfish ego and tapered down and am now clean. It took me a loooong time because I was lazy, selfish and patient. I was always sure of my goal but it was incredibly difficult to follow the path I had set. The whole time I was using I knew what lay ahead of me, the getting clean, the staying clean and most importantly the coming clean, with my closest friends and loved ones. This is probably the main reason I used for so long after I knew I could stop. I was afraid of the consequences. If I kept using then everything would keep moving along like it had. Well, no. This, just like everything associated with addiction, is smoke and mirrors, fake promises, false pretenses. All dragging this out did was strain my relationship with my gf to the breaking point, and now is a daily effort to rebuild trust with her. I have only started communicating with her about it a week ago. I've been clean for nearly 5 weeks now. I've been coming to realize that my addiction to pills was just a physical manifestation of my selfish ego, going as far as lying and misrepresenting myself to the people who I care about most and who care about me. I'm coming to accept the fact that I could lie to these people, which for me has been among the toughest truths of this experience. I have to get back to my roots of compassion, love, connection, honesty and humility. I've been doing so good in all other aspects of my life that my ego had been ballooning out of control. This lead to my attitude of "pills won't get me!" and so they just got thrown into the mix of my occasional, social drug medley. I've never dealt with an 'addictive' substance before like opiates and, not gonna lie, it took me for a looong ride. But through mental conviction, knowing and trusting in a bright future, patience (lots of it), good timing and the fact that good triumphs over evil I started a habit of daily focus like I've never had before. I would drift and idle my way through most of my boring work days, causing an attitude of aloofness. This lazy mental attitude was what allowed pills to really access my life. I had taken plenty of painkillers in the past, but they never got me addicted. So why now? Why now when I have everything and could lose everything. So stupid and selfish. "I can get high and no one will know!" I've learned life doesn't work like that. I've always known this, though not always acting on it, truth is the foundation of all real meaningful relationships. The minute trust is gone, then so are all chances of a successful relationship. Some people know truth as the only thing they have ever known, some have never known truth, then there are the myriad of us who fall in between. Who have dabbled on both sides, testing the waters, finding a balance. I have lied, but I am not a liar. My problem is I can't ever 'tell a lie', what I do is I take the reality, the truth of the situation, and I just bend it. It is rarely rarely bent to breaking, instead it is giving embellished recounts of experiences, or omitting facts, or using certain language or word associations to have the listener make assumptions in their head causing them to paint a different picture in their head from what is real. It makes me feel like they are the liars and not me, I suppose. There has been a lot of reflection and introspection during these last 8 months. Lots of yoga, dance parties, realizing that my girlfriend is the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to me and interconnections with friends are what pulled me back from this crap. I'm tired of jumping from puddle to puddle of stagnant dirty water, being unmotivated, not eating or exercising properly, too much weed, too much binge partying and the last straw now being the pills. They finally broke me and brought to light the bigger mental issues. Instead I am getting on my swim trunks and am going to swim in the ocean. The ocean is limitless and free where love and compassion can consume me as it was always meant to. I know I didn't communicate here at all during my entire process but that was just how it was and what worked for me. But I must say thank you to everyone who chimed in at my start. I'm still working on finding a psychologist to talk with because I think there is a lot more here for me to discover then just 'recovery'. The only problem is, everywhere I go, I feel like there is a huge market for addiction psychology and addict doctors and all kinds of legal sh!t for people who are desperate for recovery. And how do I know if just a regular psychologist is right for me? What if I don't like their style or agree with their thoughts? But they're the doctor, they must be right. No, I don't agree with that either. Are there any recommendations for any psychologists or any doctors in the Philly/NJ/NY area?
Thanks again all and best of luck with your journeys.
Thank you for posting this so I could read it again.....it's really good!
Many times when we read something like that we read it looking for all the things we HAVEN't experienced YET to justify why we are still different.
Just like a meeting or life, really.....we usually find what we are LOOKING for.
Many times when we read something like that we read it looking for all the things we HAVEN't experienced YET to justify why we are still different.
Just like a meeting or life, really.....we usually find what we are LOOKING for.
I seen this poem on this site and it really made me realize were I was headed. I hope your able to stop before all this happens.
I destroy homes, tear families apart,take your children & thats just the start.Im more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold,the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold &if u need me,remember Im easily found.I live all around you in schools & in town.I live with the richI live with the poor I live down the street &maybe next door.My power is awesome;try me youll see, but if you do,you may never break free. Just try me once& I might let you go,but try me twice& Ill own your soul.When I possess you, youll steal &youll lie.You do what you have to just to get high.The crimes youll commit for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure youll feel in your arms.Youll lie to your mother youll steal from your dad When you see their tears you should feel sad.But youll forget your morals & how you were raised, Ill be your conscience,Ill teach you my ways.Ill take everything from you, your looks and your pride,Ill be with you always, right by your side. Ill take till you have nothing more to give&when Im finished youll be lucky to live.If you try me be warned this is no game.If given the chance, Ill drive you insane.Ill ravish your body, control your mind, own you completely your soul will be mine.The nightmares Ill give you while lying in bed, the voices youll hear from inside your head, the sweats, the shakes, the visions youll see; I want you to know, these are gifts from me, But then its too late &youll know in your heart that you are mine and we shall not part.Youll regret that you tried me,they always do,but you came to me,not I to you.You knew this would happen.Many times you were told,but you challenged my power &chose to be bold.You could have said no&just walked away, If you could live that day over,what would you say?I'll be your master; you will be my slave,Ill even go with you to your grave.Now that you have met me,what will you do?Will you try me or not?Its all up to you.I can bring you more misery than words can tell.Come take my hand,let me lead you to hell
I destroy homes, tear families apart,take your children & thats just the start.Im more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold,the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold &if u need me,remember Im easily found.I live all around you in schools & in town.I live with the richI live with the poor I live down the street &maybe next door.My power is awesome;try me youll see, but if you do,you may never break free. Just try me once& I might let you go,but try me twice& Ill own your soul.When I possess you, youll steal &youll lie.You do what you have to just to get high.The crimes youll commit for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure youll feel in your arms.Youll lie to your mother youll steal from your dad When you see their tears you should feel sad.But youll forget your morals & how you were raised, Ill be your conscience,Ill teach you my ways.Ill take everything from you, your looks and your pride,Ill be with you always, right by your side. Ill take till you have nothing more to give&when Im finished youll be lucky to live.If you try me be warned this is no game.If given the chance, Ill drive you insane.Ill ravish your body, control your mind, own you completely your soul will be mine.The nightmares Ill give you while lying in bed, the voices youll hear from inside your head, the sweats, the shakes, the visions youll see; I want you to know, these are gifts from me, But then its too late &youll know in your heart that you are mine and we shall not part.Youll regret that you tried me,they always do,but you came to me,not I to you.You knew this would happen.Many times you were told,but you challenged my power &chose to be bold.You could have said no&just walked away, If you could live that day over,what would you say?I'll be your master; you will be my slave,Ill even go with you to your grave.Now that you have met me,what will you do?Will you try me or not?Its all up to you.I can bring you more misery than words can tell.Come take my hand,let me lead you to hell
Really any good therapist would be good but regardless if u think u need it or not an actual addiction therapist that has been an addict is the best way to go because you will find it much much easier to talk to and be completely honest with someone that has been I your shoes because you will not ever feel judged by them I'm not sayin a regular therapist will judge you by any means but I know for myself and many others it can feel that way and with a real addiction therapist it just seems like the person you are talking to really feels and understands what you tell them because they have actually been there and not just read a book about it
So to further on my last post, what kind of post-wd support can I get? So far this site has been a huge boost in my morale and further conviction to quit. I'm more concerned about the mental attraction to them. I'm not really sure what to expect but I know me and it won't be easy to just eliminate them. Is anyone familiar with types of addiction therapy? Perhaps if I spoke to a professional and could better identify my issues and understand them I will have a better chance of tackling them efficiently. I'm kind of a hippy but also a realist. I don't think hardcore addiction therapy, or 12 step stuff is for me. Are there therapists out there who do a more holistic/introspective/support type of therapy? I'm starting yoga tomorrow. I love yoga and used to do it for years but stopped a while ago due to schedule conflict. Thanks again for all the support, it is amazing.
Thanks everyone. I plan on telling my roommate and very good childhood friend next weekend when he gets back from a ski trip and can support me. I will taper as much as possible til then if not stop entirely. The more I read and the more I mentally process this situation the more I realize I'm not afraid of the physical wd (as I think they will be slight and manageable) but like you say, leaveurfearsbehind, it's the following weeks that concern me the most when I will need the support. These things have become a warm blanket for me on a cold day, and **** it's getting cold outside.
As mentioned above having support helps so much. Even if it's just one person you need someone who can support you thru this. I did it alone but it would have been so much easier to have had some support. I know everyone is different and some need more support than others but I would urge you tell someone. The wd's were the easy part for me, it's when you get a few weeks clean that you really need help. I'm pretty stubborn and hard headed so maybe that's why I was able to do it alone but I wouldn't recommend it at all. I ran into my guy a few weeks ago and he asked me how I was doing? I told him I was still fighting everyday and but doing good. He literally started crying and gave me a man hug and said I'm so proud of you. He's been on this crap for years but I doubt he will ever get off because of his severe back problems. I could tell he really wants off just by seeing how emotional he was. I never would have thought he would be so supportive of me. Strange things start to happen the moment you truly committ. Just keep posting and we will help you thru this!
Just wanted to add my support because my story is just like yours. I was on oxy for 10 months, started out slow and before I knew it I was up to 120mg a day. I knew that I had to stop before it got completely out of control. I did a quick taper but was having wd's the whole time so I just jumped the day before my off day at work. I felt bad at work the first day but I went home and tried to rest as much as I could. I went back to work the next day and was able to make it even though I felt pretty bad. If I was you I would just go ahead and jump and get it over with. If your committed and have a good attitude you can do this. I'm over two months clean now and feel so much better. I did this alone but did tell some of my friends and family later on for added support. I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy but it is possible. Wishing you the best of luck!
But you can't hurt yourself anymore either. You need to be honest with those close to you so you can have the support you need. This is a terrible thing to go through by yourself and nearly impossible. If your friends and girlfriend are as great as you say they will want you to get help as much as you do. Just be honest...it will help you immensely...
I'm confident I can taper to a point that will lessen the effects of cessation. Statistically speaking what is the AVERAGE taper method? Is it realistic to expect a 15mg downgrade every few days or is it weeks? I've only just recently (last 5 weeks) begun having daily requirements for the oxy but damn do negative symptoms kick in quick and consume all thought processes. I really want to take care of this now before it gets worse. I feel like I can avoid a lot of the stories I am reading while researching this if I take this first step seriously. I want to protect myself and my future and my friends. I just recently lost a friend to opiate/heroin/xanax/cocaine od. I can't hurt my friends.
The best way to keep withdrawl at a minimum is going to be a taper I'm not allowed to go into suggesting but that would make the withdrawal the easiest. But it also means u are taking the meds longer and taper only works if you can control it which is something me and most addicts cannot do. You are at a fairly low dose so my best advice is just to go cold turkey and get it over with because withdrawal won't be much worse if any than it was when u said u did it in November. Either way its good u are going to go ahead and do this before u end up like me and are taking 400-600mg oxy or opana a day just to feel normal because after a while the euphoric effect goes away and it goes to having to take huge amounts like I did just to make it through the day. Well feel free to shoot me a message if ya have any questions or anything and ill gladly help ya anyway I can
Good Luck and Godspeed
ABritt
Good Luck and Godspeed
ABritt
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