Ready to stop opana

[Mercedes506]

Hello everyone. I'm brand new here but have read this site very often and enjoy the help I've seen others get. My post will be quite long but wanted to spell out everything. Well here it goes.

I first started using opiates in 2010 when I was 24. It first started with 1-2 Percocet 10mgs a day or every other day. Then over the next few months it went to 3 a day then 4 a day. After two years of 4 a day and at the very most 6 a day I was introduced to 30mg roxys. I would do no more than 3 of those in a day. I had a great family life with my high school sweetheart and our son. I had a good job, owned a nice house and was very productive. Then I kept using more and more and was getting bad mood swings and spending bill money to pay for my habit. Fast forward to late 2013 and my company was closed I was was jobless. So we were only on my wife's income and even this TH she made good money it was nowhere near what I was making but I was still taking the same amount of drugs. So I was using our bill and mortgage money to buy drugs for myself. I would take cash out of our joint bank account and say I was paying mortgage but would buy pills. I missed 4 months of mortgage and they said they wre hook g to foreclose my home. My wife had NO IDEA that we had missed any and when she found out she was devestaed. Luckily her father is very wealthy and bailed us out by paying all the past due amount and saved our home. But me and my wife's relationship was ruined. She didn't trust me anymore and it kept going downhill until she left me and kicked me out of the house. I went to live with my mother and kept taking Roxie's and percocets that my mom would give me because I would lie and say I was getting off the roxy and needed something to taper down so was doubling up on both meds. Me and my wife started to try and rekindle our relationship and things were moving in the right direction with us but not my drug use. Then in late 2014 while I had been out of pills for two days I had a giant fight with my mother as I was asking for more pips or money to stop withdrawing and she refused to give anything to me because she was trying to help me. In this fight I broke some furniture and other things but never touched my mother, but she called the police on me. I was arrested but after only 2 days in jail she bailed me out. I went to court and they ordered me into anger management and drug treatment for 6 months and was told that if I didn't do that I would ha e to spend 30 days in jail. After only going twice to therapy I stopped going and since I was still out of work my mother had been paying the 50$ a month fee for therapy. So I told her I was going and would use that 50$ to buy pills. I felt like the biggest waste of space on the planet for all of this and thought of suicide daily. My great life had completely fallen apart and I was losing everyone I loved and cared about.  So a few months after my first court date I had another date to go back and show I had been taking the classes and therapy but since I hadn't and knew they'd put me in jail I skipped out on court and had a warrant for my arrest out for me. After a few months of hiding I decided I was tired of running and living like this so I turned myself in with he support of my now separated wife and mom. My wife told me if I went in I'd be forced to get clean and I could move back in and we'd work on fixing us when i got out. So on February 1st  2015 I turned myself in to serve my 30 days. Jail is awful but withdrawing in jail is hell. But while I was there I was with others much worse than me and with sharing stories and supporting each other it made it much easier and kept my mind off of it as much as possible. My sentence ended up being shortened to 17 days but on that time I had great time to think and self reflect as well as detox. I also talked with my wife every night by phone and we had great talks every day and she was very supportive and excited for me. When I got out everything was great. I felt great, was clean, was back in my home and with my family again and had a new start. But after 3 months things with me and my wife went down hill and issues from before with trust and me not working was too much for her and she left me again. So once again I moved with my mom but was still clean. Then after two months there and things not getting better with my job hunt or my relationship I started feeling depressed and lonely again so started hanging with old friends who were users. I didn't use at first and would just go for company but then my wife started a relationship with someone else after us being together for 13 years and it crushed me. In a moment of desperation and weakness I was over a friends and he offered me a roxy 30mg and I took it. And then from there on I was right back to where I was. Eventually I was introduced to a drug I hadn't ever taken, opana. It was much cheaper and more effective than oxycodone so I switched to that just because it was cost effective and more powerful. So now I've been taking a minimum of 15mg a day of opana but usually 30-40 mg a day. It's gotten so bad I've pawned many of my possessions just to get my daily fix. I am back to being suicidle and depressed again as I'm alone and ruining my life and losing my things. I'm tired of it and want to stop so now is the time. I have started to taper off and stopped hanging with friends who use but I know I need professional help to stay off once I stop tapering. So is like some help from you folks with what you've done and if any of you know of good/cheap programs in Tennessee. If I don't stop I'll end up dead either by drugs or from my own hand. I've lost so much but I'm only 30 now and have so much life left if I can turn it around. Any help or encouragement would be a life saver. Thanks in advance.

[Mercedes506]

Thanks for the encouragement. What is an SSRI? I'm down the the lowest amount of opiates I've ever taken since I've been addicted as now I am taking half a pill only  at night before I go to bed so I can sleep. And for the past 4 days I've only taken at night every other day. Right now I am on an off night so will not take anything again tonight. I had hoped to already completely stop but with certain other things going on in my life I'm afraid I'll just mess up and I have it down to do little right now I don't want to screw it up and go the other way. I'm going to try and go two days in a row and not take anything tomorrow as well. Cheers everyone.

[glassguy]

Wow dude! Sounds like you (were) a mess! the only thing I can say is you really got to want it and it sounds like you do just remember life is going to only get better with out drugs I myself had a set back with back surgery on Feb 7 /15  I first quit 7/14/14 had six months under my belt so now here l go AGAIN but I know how bad I want it! I am on day 3 with many more too go! Just know that you can do it.BEST of luck and may GOD bless you!! Keep posting on here.

[B23121]

I was addicted to Oxycodone for about 11 years. Stopped cold turkey. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Just know. It will get better with time. You may not believe that but it will. I swear to you. You will have setbacks and urges to use. Fight them with all your power. Do not let the urges and cravings win. You will recover from this. Your brain and its opiate receptors need to heal. I would suggest starting an SSRI as it helped a great deal by normalizing brain chemicals that were out of whack by the opiate use. Your Norepinephrin and gaba receptors is running wild and your Serotonin needs time to build back up. It takes time for your brain to reach equilibrium.

[Mercedes506]

Well thanks for the help then no guess I'm a little on edge from the tapering. Found an NA to go to and also made an appointment with therapist to talk too. My plan is to be completely off by next week since it'll have been almost two weeks of tapering. Heard opana is much harder WD than oxycodone a that's the main reason I was across to go straight cold turkey. I figured I would fail if so. But I've cut down SO much that it should be a lot better now. Will keep everyone update.

[jifmoc]

No one is being judgemental, sorry you think that. We are just pointing out what you need to do. We aren't a resource for finding rehabs, you're going to have to call around for that yourself.  For NA, go to https://www.na.org to find meetings. They are free and you can go even if you aren't clean.

[Mercedes506]

Weird. I don't know why my post has all these symbols and numbers that popped up. Don't know how to edit on here though so hope that's readable.

[Mercedes506]

The main reason I posted here was to get advice on what after care works best or where to start. No need to be so judgemental. Posted on here for advice not judgement. Thanks. Wouldn't have posted asking where to find/look for the best rehabs/NA if I wasn't trying to fix myself. Already down to half an opana a day, a quarter in the morning and a quarter at night, but I'm more than aware that if I don't get real human help I won't succeed.

[jifmoc]

Mercedes- You wrote a lot but funny thing is, all addict's stories are the same. As Gnarly wrote, you did hit rock bottom several times but it wasn't enough for you to stop. Are you so sick and tired of this type of  life that you are willing to do ANYTHING that sober people tell you? I hope so. First. Get rid of all access to drugs. Cut off the old "friends", dealers, everyone. Change your ph # or at least block #s. You will have to detox as you know. You know it s u c k s. But it is better doing it at home than in jail. Most importantly, get your butt into aftercare NOW. Go directly to NA (or AA.) I cannot tell you how often this happens on this site, but people come back here, still struggling because they tried to do it on their own. If you could have, you would have. And as you can see, it's getting worse. Aftercare (meetings) are how you STAY clean. Anyone can detox. It's staying clean that's the effort, and where your effort needs to be.

So many folks write a desperate post, then we never hear from them again. Don't be one of those. Life isn't perfect, but let me tell you what a RELIEF it is to not be chasing opiates all day. Chasing opiates is not a life. It's a waste. You deserve better.

Let us know your next step:)

[gnarly_1]

Hi and welcome to the forum.....well you seam sincere in wanting to get clean...from reading this it seams like you have hit rock bottom several times.... the real key here is to get involved with aftercare the detox is the ez part  staying clean takes work....I have tryed most options  first the pastor of my church  then a therapist  then a substance abuse counselor...  like you I would get some clean time  but always went back....then I decide to try N/A....N/a has been the magic bullet for me   it is free the meetings are only a hour long and it will give you some place to share where the people will understand....the one thing N/A has done for me is I have lost the very desire to use...something I thought was impossible  my advise  go to meetings...as many as you can   get a sponcer and work the steps  with time the progam will not only keep you clean but it will help you put back the train wreck your life has become...the only requirement for membership is the desire to quit so google  a N/A meeting in your area and start your road to recovery...if you ask around here on the forum you will find most of the people with any signifacate amount off clean time use aftercare  long after the pills stop your still stuck with the addict in your head  N/A treats the addict  ...if it works for a old dope fiend like me it will work for anyone keep posting for support.........Gnarly................