Methadone is NOT a lifesaver people!!

[Sweetness91]

I get so infuriated when I read a post by someone who is talking about trying to get off methadone and in comes a commenter who sings it's praises and acts like its holy water. Those are the ones who have obviously not had it affect their body negatively yet, or affect their life I a negative way. So let me tell you what you can expect, should you decide that methadone is going to save your life.....

When I was put on methadone 8 years ago, I too, thought it was a "wonder drug"....I didn't have to take much to be pain free, of course I knew nothing about a drugs half-life at that time either. (No wonder it worked so well at first...half-life of methadone, up to 60 hrs...half-life of Vicodin, approx. 4-5 hrs..) So I started out at 20 mgs a day and did fine...for about 3 months. Then it was increased. And again it only helped a few months and had to be increased...again and again.

During the time I was on it, I had chronic bronchitis, and pneumonia at least once a year (at the ripe old age of 32) and landed in the hospital for days with the pneumonia. I also suffered from double hernias, because I didn't realize how far I was pushing my body, so had surgery to repair those. Then a few years ago, became very ill with stomach issues. Ended up having exploratory surgery to find that I had a collapsed lung, peritonitis and that my appendix had ruptured. All for methadone. Great huh?? The surgeon told me that my colon was bigger than a softball, and normal size should be about the size of a tennis ball...another great effect of the opiate. He also told me if I stayed on the course I was on, that I would NOT live to 60. That absolutely scared the hell out of me...but yet I stayed on it another 3 years because I was afraid of living w/o it and afraid of the withdrawal. But let me say, the exploratory surgery recovery was far worse than I'm experiencing now.

Now lets talk about how it affects you mentally....at first, nothing can touch you...oh yeah, because it "saved your life"....but soon....very soon...it grabs ahold of all your emotions and feelings and hides them away to where YOU can't even find them. Then you start leaving the house less and less. But that's ok, still got the methadone right? THEN, you don't leave the house at all...unless you absolutely have to! You stay up all night and sleep til noon or later every day, then when you do roll yourself out of bed, you plop your a$$ in front of the tv all day, because surely the house will clean itself...but even if it doesn't, who cares??  Then your family starts to wonder what's happened to the person they once knew...and they start begging you to bring that person back...but once again, who cares?

And THEN, that moment of clarity...that moment when you realize how different things are than they were before the methadone...and how different they COULD be...that moment when you realize just how jealous you are of ppl who get out and live their lives to the fullest.  And you know it's just within reach....but ohhhh the terrible withdrawals you would have to go thru to be like them.

I'm here to tell you, it's not as terrible as it sounds. Sure, everyone gets on here and moans n groans about the w/d's, but this is like our bit€hfest page...it makes some feel better to just SAY how bad they feel, but it really is like a bad case of the flu, an extended flu, but the flu! You sat in front of the tv all day while you were on methadone, why not sit there while you're getting off it and recover?

I know I tend to ramble, and write books, lol, but it really does irritate me when someone tries to push methadone here...this is for ppl wanting to get OFF the crap. It is not ok to sing praises of a "wonderful drug" to someone who is stating they want off drugs!!  Sorry ppl...just had to vent!

[Pat1956100]

Oh wow, that must have been terrible.  Thank God you found him and hopefully he is okay.  Is there any way you can find out?  That would really shake you up and the not knowing is the worst part.

I don't know about staying away from the site.  If it makes you feel better to be here then don't leave but if it is upsetting you, take a little break.
Just stay clean.  You have come a long way baby and that is the most important thing right now.  

[Sweetness91]

Thank you Pat. I had such a bad evening yesterday and today isn't much better. The stress is really getting to me.

I took my daughter down the road to a friends house to play yesterday and I dropped her off, backed out of the driveway and just happened to look to my left as I was pulling away and seen an elderly man laying in the snow beside his car with one foot still in the floorboard and tangled up in his seatbelt. He was out...I literally thought he was dead and it shook me up pretty hard. I called 911 and went and got a neighbor to help me. Seemed like it took the ambulance forever to get there....and we were afraid to move him. We stayed with him til they got him in the ambulance...but nobody knows how long he laid there and I still haven't heard anything about him. I'm finding it hard to forget about. So now, when I see something that I take as negative, it goes right thru me. I've had a horrible headache ever since and am feeling super bit€hy...I'd probably do best to stay away from this site til I get a grip huh!!

[Pat1956100]

Sweetness this forum is all about telling our stories and giving our opinions.  None of us are professionals and we can only share our experiences.  
Your story is important too.  Please don't feel badly about your post.  It may really help someone.  You are CLEAN and that is huge.  

[Sweetness91]

Actually, I didn't seek it out, my doctor wrote a script for it one day and handed it to me...and it's not necessarily that I'm so unhappy with my decision to use it, I'm unhappy with what it did to me. I had no idea it would do the things it did. And yes, that's my own fault. And another reason I'm unhappy about it is that I'm NOT in a good place now...I'm fighting to get my life back and I'm fighting to get my health back. And I agree, what works for one doesn't always work for another and vice versa...but simply put....this is JUST my story and my opinion. I'd like to find out how to delete this post!

[BlondeChick10]

What works for some may not work for others I am not personally familiar with using it but it seems to be an effective tool for some.. You appear to not be happy with your decision to use it . That doesn't mean it is not effective for someone else.. Also hind sight is not always 20/20 if you did not opt to seek methadone from your MD you may not have been in the good place you say you are in today; things may be much different for you.  Sometimes invoking the pause button in your head before posting is necessary as emotions can get the best of people and this is a sensitive topic as everyone is going through a lot of different feelings.

[Sweetness91]

I do think its appropriate for heroin abusers...that was what it was most widely used for...but again, I don't think anyone should take it for years on end. ANYONE with an addiction must learn a new lifestyle and a way of dealing with their addiction rather than just taking something to control it. And really, everything in moderation right? Anything that you put in your body day in and day out, other than nutrition, food, water...the basic elements to survive, is BOUND to take a toll on that body. Shoot, they talk about coffee being bad for you...I know that something chemically/synthetically made by man can't be good long-term! All I was trying to say in my post is what it has done for/to me and how I feel about that. I'm still shocked at some of what was said and am glad it was deleted!