My Partner and Our Relationship - She says she shouldn't have gotten involved

[jiff7476]

My partner and I were together 5 years ago when she first started drinking. She left me for another woman, ended up in the hospital and went for treatment for alcohol, went back to her then wife, but ended up relapsing and then left her marriage. After the marriage we started to hang out again, she was still in relapse and realizing this, I was there for her when she called etc, but getting back together wasn't an option. She had so much work to do on herself that I wanted that to be her focus, when and if she would.

We kept in touch, she got herself back on track with her life and she restarted herself on her path to recovery and started going to AA again. She broke ties with me completely at that time as she said she wanted to sober before she ever saw or spoke to me again. While that was hard, I understood what she needed to do. My mom passed away and she was by my side. Still, with no intentions of getting back into a relationship with her, we did end up back together and have been for 18 months now.

We both believe that we have loved each other forever. We have met friends through her AA group and I did start to attend some Alanon meetings. In a short period of time I have gone from a partner who has said that this relationship is healthy and good and that we are never breaking. Just recently she is talking the opposite, nothing is forever, when I was in treatment I was told not to get into a relationship. Really? I came totally onboard with what it meant for her to be on the path to recovery. I knew going in it wouldn't be easy, but I am so there to be a support because I have loved her forever, this is not just some 18 month thing, we have known each other for over 25 years. I live my live that I am with my partner through thick and thin, I would go to hell and back for this woman ... I read that in treatment they say no relationship if you aren't already in one ... what do you do if you are in one?

I am so lost ... and just need some insight ... I do not want to convince her if that is her choice, her recovery is very important to me and I totally believe that. But why can she not have both? Why can Addicts not see the GOOD in somethings and hang onto that while they do their work? I am not here to take her away from her recovery ... Why is it all or nothing?

Any insight would be great ... I am totally confused as to why you would throw something away, especially if you have someone who is right there by your side.

[jerry4664]

Most rehabs tell you no relationships while in recovery the reason is you need to focus on yourself and many times that all the addict can handle.  now if you were with the person prior then that is a different situation and that should be taken into consideration I wish you the best good luck.

[motye51]

Just to clear it up....its recommended you not ENTER A NEW RELATIONSHIP within the first couple of years of your recovery. It doesnt say leave your spouse until you get well. In my opinion, her saying these yhings has little to do with recovery. However, it is also said that....ANYTHING you put before your recovery, you will lose!
Im not really sure b/c in the above, its as if this came out of no where?? How l9ng has your partner been clean if i may ask?